Dear Abby is written by Pauline Phillips and daughter Jeanne Phillips.
DEAR ABBY: I am 87 years old and live in a retirement apartment. Sixteen years ago, you printed a funny letter in your column about a mother's wild goose tale.
Over the years I have entertained a lot of people with that story. Please consider printing it again. Our country could use a good laugh. -- HELEN RODGER, KOKOMO, IND.
DEAR HELEN: You're right. It IS a funny story and worth repeating. Read on:
DEAR ABBY: Whenever you mention the poem, "I Had a Mother Who Read to Me," I have to laugh because my mother NEVER read to me. Instead, she'd tell me bedtime stories that were more or less true.
The one I liked best was the one about how she and her cousin Alice tried to make whiskey.
They filled a large crock with water, wheat, oats, grain, raisins, raw potato peelings, and any other garbage they could find. After a couple of weeks, the mixture in the crock smelled so bad my grandmother insisted they get rid of it. Mom and Alice carried the crock down by the river and dumped it on the bank. Naturally, Grandma's geese followed them and gobbled it all up.
A while later, Grandma looked out the window and saw her geese lying about in the yard. She thought they were dead, so she instructed the girls to pluck all the down from the geese and told them as soon as their grandfather got home from the lumber mill, he'd have to bury those dead geese. (The geese were not dead; they were drunk!)
The next morning, the geese were running around the yard stark naked, so Grandma crocheted little jackets for them to wear. That was the last time my mother and her cousin Alice tried to make whiskey. -- JOE EASTMAN, COLORADO SPRINGS
DEAR ABBY: Yesterday, I was afraid of needles, and I was terribly busy, so I didn't donate blood. Today my country has been attacked by terrorists, and my neighbors have been murdered and wounded, so I stood in line for three hours, rolled up my sleeve and donated -- because I'm an American, and that's what we do.
Yesterday, I had too many financial problems of my own to think about giving money to charity. Today, my country has been attacked by terrorists. My neighbors are in need, so I opened my wallet and gave -- because I'm an American, and that's what we do.
Yesterday, I viewed my immigrant neighbors with suspicion, because they looked, dressed and believed differently than I do. Today, I see the same grief in their eyes that I see in my own when I look in the mirror. The United States is their home, too. Today, I put aside my distrust and extended my hand in friendship and solidarity -- because I'm an American, and that's what we do.
We'll pick ourselves up out of the wreckage, and we will rebuild -- because we're Americans, and that's what we do. -- HOPEFUL AND COMMITTED IN CHARLOTTE, N.C.
DEAR HOPEFUL AND COMMITTED: You said it, my friend. Bless you.
Abby shares more than 100 of her favorite recipes in two booklets: "Abby's Favorite Recipes" and "More Favorite Recipes by Dear Abby." Send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $10 (U.S. funds)
to: Dear Abby -- Cookbooklet Set, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in price.)
PARENTS FINALLY PAY ATTENTION AFTER TEEN'S SUICIDE ATTEMPT
DEAR ABBY: The letter from "A Teen Needing to Talk in Ohio," asking parents to listen to their children, motivates me to share my experience.
When I was in high school, I suffered severe depression and insomnia. I knew I needed help, so every once in a while I'd ask my parents if I could get counseling. When I would tell them how suicidal I was feeling, they'd say, "Oh, it's just a teen-age problem." Or, "Give it some time. You'll get over it." Those were the only responses I got.
The strange behavior that resulted from my depression finally made my parents suspect that I was using drugs. They searched my room and read my diaries, which only furthered my paranoia and depression, because I was clean. In my warped state of mind, I was convinced that suicide was the only way out. I am sad to admit it, but that's what finally caught my parents' attention.
We could have saved thousands of dollars in hospital bills, unbelievable amounts of pain and years off my recovery if they had only listened to me in the first place!
My parents are not horrible people. They love me dearly. They explain now that they didn't know what to do with a depressed child and were in denial from the beginning about my problems.
I hope parents who see themselves in this letter will be motivated to help their children. And for kids in my situation: If your parents won't listen, talk to your teachers, your family doctor, or the parents of one of your friends. Just make sure you get help. You are worth it. -- BETTER, NOT BITTER
DEAR BETTER: If there is one complaint that tops the list of those I receive from teen-agers, it's that their parents don't take the time to listen, or take their problems seriously.
Your letter carries an important message. We are living in particularly stressful times, and parents should be especially concerned about the effect that recent events are having on their children. Read on:
DEAR ABBY: A teen-ager wrote to plead with parents to listen to their children.
Two or three years ago, there was a sermon at my church on the subject of parents listening. During this sermon, our priest read a poem that touched me. After the service I asked if I could get a copy. I'm pleased to share it with you and your readers. The author is unknown:
"Take a moment to listen today
"To what your children are trying to say.
"Listen today, whatever you do,
"Or they won't be there to listen to you.
"Listen to their problems, listen to their needs;
"Praise their smallest triumphs, praise their smallest deeds.
"Tolerate their chatter, amplify their laughter,
"Find out what's the matter, find out what they're after --
"But tell them that you love them, every single night,
"And though you scold them, be sure you hold them tight;
"Tell them, 'Everything's all right --
"'Tomorrow's looking bright!'
"Take a moment to listen today
"To what your children are trying to say.
"Listen today, whatever you do,
"And they will come back to listen to you."
Thanks, Abby. I read your column every day. -- A.J. IN CALIFORNIA
DEAR A.J.: Thank YOU.
Dear Abby is written by Pauline Phillips and daughter Jeanne Phillips.
For an excellent guide to becoming a better conversationalist and a more attractive person, order "How to Be Popular." Send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $5 (U.S. funds only) to: Dear Abby Popularity Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)
DAD THINKS HE'S FOUND LOVE IN ARMS OF KIDS' BABY SITTER
DEAR ABBY: My cousin "Tina" and I are in our early 20s. We have baby-sat the same three children since we were in our mid-teens, and have grown to love them as our own. The parents, "Danny" and "Lynn," have become our friends. The problem is, Danny says he is in love with Tina. Danny and Lynn have been married for 10 years, and I always assumed they were happy.
Danny told Tina he feels trapped and alone in his marriage and has convinced her that he is her soulmate. Danny says he wants to leave Lynn and move in with Tina.
The children love their father -- and they love Tina, too. They've known her most of their lives. Somehow I have ended up in the middle of this. My biggest concern is Lynn and the kids. I know Lynn is 100 percent head-over-heels in love with her husband. She confided to me recently that she knows he doesn't love her the way she loves him. Abby, she broke down in tears.
What happens if Danny leaves Lynn and moves in with my cousin? I know Lynn will ask if I knew, and I don't want to lie to her. But how can I tell her the truth? It will tear her heart out knowing I kept the secret. -- ALWAYS IN THE MIDDLE
DEAR ALWAYS: If Lynn asks, tell her the truth -- that you didn't know how to tell her because you were afraid it would break her heart, and you were hoping the romance would burn itself out.
DEAR ABBY: My husband and I have been together for seven years. Our only conflict has been his ex-wife. Their 9-year-old daughter lives with us, and her mother constantly lets me know in no uncertain terms that this child's welfare is none of my business.
On several ocasions the ex has had the nerve to tell me I'm just "playing house," and that when she's ready to come back to my husband, she will.
My husband keeps telling me not to let her get to me, but it's hard. We have two other children, and his ex-wife's behavior is beginning to influence their daughter in the way she acts toward me and the kids. What in the world should I do about this? -- UPSET SECOND WIFE IN FLORIDA
DEAR UPSET: It's not a matter of what YOU should do. This should be handled by your husband. If his daughter behaves disrespectfully to you, your husband should make it clear to her that just as the two of you treat her with respect and consideration, he expects HER to do the same with you. Period.
P.S. I know it's hard, but don't let his bitter, unhappy ex get to you. Keep your conversations brief, and when she gets nasty, tune her out or get off the phone.
DEAR ABBY: My husband and I are newlyweds living in an apartment complex. We have dear friends living nearby who are older and widowed. Our problem is that these friends don't give us any time to be alone. They interrupt us at the most inopportune moments.
Abby, how can we let these lovely people know that we need our privacy without hurting their feelings? -- STILL ON OUR HONEYMOON IN TENNESSEE
DEAR HONEYMOONERS: Anyone with a sense of romance will understand that sometimes couples want to be left alone. Just because someone calls, drops by or invites you out does not mean you have to be available.
Just say no -- but say it with a smile.
Dear Abby is written by Pauline Phillips and daughter Jeanne Phillips.
To receive a collection of Abby's most memorable -- and most frequently requested -- poems and essays, send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $5 (U.S. funds) to: Dear Abby -- Keepers Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in the price.)