Dear Abby is written by Pauline Phillips and daughter Jeanne Phillips.
Senator Gives Straight Skinny on Swimming Nude in Vermont
DEAR ABBY: I chuckled over your hot tub letters. When I was a young prosecutor in Vermont, an overly ambitious prosecutor in another county had someone arrested for skinny-dipping -- basically out of sight of everybody -- in a river. The local judge actually sentenced the "perpetrator" to jail, which caused an uproar.
Subsequently, I got a call from the state police about a complaint of skinny-dipping. Apparently the officer arrived to find an older woman at a farmhouse on a dirt road with no water in sight. She said: "Don't worry. Go across that field and climb up through those woods about a mile and a half, and you'll find a stream where they are bathing naked. But go very quietly, because if they hear you, they'll put their clothes on!"
The trooper suggested that maybe he should check with me; I was the state's attorney at the time. I ensconced myself at my family's summer farm during the Fourth of July weekend and researched the issue. I began by reviewing old Norman Rockwell paintings, thoughtfully resurrected by the ACLU, showing such activities taking place allegedly in Vermont. (Along this line, I was unable to either confirm or refute the persistent rumor that Vermont's No. 1 politician, Calvin Coolidge, had also engaged in such activity in this state while subject to Vermont law.)
I also discussed -- after grants of immunity -- experiences of this nature enjoyed by some of Vermont's prosecutors, judges, law enforcement officers and sailboat operators. After checking the statute of limitations, I even reviewed past histories of some of my contemporaries during my teen-age years. Not to be outdone, each member of my office offered to investigate this matter in an undercover manner (so to speak).
It turned out that most Vermonters I talked to had engaged in such scandalous activity at some time in their lies.
Therefore, to guide any law enforcement officer so lacking in other criminal matters to investigate, I offered in all seriousness the following guidelines:
(1) In public areas and semi-public areas: Nude bathing is not acceptable. In such instances the officer receiving the complaint should order the person to dress. Failure to stay clothed should result in a summons to court.
(2) On private land out of view of the public: The state has no legitimate interest and swimmers should be left alone.
(3) In secluded areas sometimes publicly used (rivers, swimming holes, etc.): If no member of the public is offended, no disorderly conduct has taken place. If members of the public complain, proceed as in No. 1 above.
I understand that J. Edgar Hoover was infuriated at the thought of this young prosecutor in Vermont treating the matter so lightly. -- SEN. PATRICK J. LEAHY, WASHINGTON, D.C.
DEAR SEN. LEAHY: You put the matter properly in perspective. That's only to be expected from someone whose home state shows such respect for the rights and personal freedoms of its citizens. My hat's off to you. (But that's all!)
P.S. I wonder why J. Edgar Hoover was infuriated. Rumor has it he was an undercover man himself.
To receive a collection of Abby's most memorable -- and most frequently requested -- poems and essays, send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $5 (U.S. funds) to: Dear Abby -- Keepers Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in the price.)
Unsatisfied Wife Drives 'Ideal' Husband to Face Cold Reality
DEAR ABBY: You've published letters from wives complaining about their husbands. You should know that there are also husbands who put up with verbally abusive wives.
I make close to a six-figure salary, but my wife isn't satisfied. She complains because many of our friends and neighbors make more.
My wife works, but believes she should spend all she earns on herself. Would it hurt her to pay for some of our children's school clothes or contribute to their school tuition, instead of me selling company stock?
She's forgotten what intimacy is. I send her flowers and take her to nice places for dinner. I don't even get a goodnight kiss.
I work 10 to 12 hours a day and still manage to wash the clothes, do the dishes and put everything away. She complains she doesn't have enough help around the house.
I buy her thoughtful presents. She gives me gift certificates from video stores.
What my wife doesn't know is that when the kids are out of college, this provider will be history! -- IDEAL HUSBAND IN CALIFORNIA
DEAR IDEAL: Why keep it a secret? If you tell your wife now, it's possible the two of you can save your relationship with marriage counseling. A mediator might be able to convince her to make a drastic attitude adjustment. It's worth a try. If it doesn't work, you'll be free sooner rather than later.
DEAR ABBY: I am in a spot. One of my best friends is being married in December the same day as my college graduation. I have worked very hard these past few years trying to obtain this graduate degree. I didn't graduate with any honors when I received my bachelor's, and so far I have a 4.0. I would receive a special award for this.
I am so confused. I don't know what to do. Should I just attend my graduation and show up for the reception? Or should I skip my graduation and go to the wedding? The bride is expecting me to forgo my graduation.
I am the first from my circle of friends to get a graduate degree. What should I do? -- IN A BIND IN TEXAS
DEAR IN A BIND: You have worked hard to earn your graduate degree and the honors that go with it. Attend your graduation ceremony and then go to your friend's wedding reception. If she begrudges you the validation you worked so hard to achieve, clip this and show it to her. She needs a dose of reality. It may be her big day, but it's your big day, too.
DEAR ABBY: I am a recycling nut. I throw nothing away that can possibly be recycled. I have long used worn-out panty hose as stuffing material, or cut it into strips to tie back house and garden plants.
But my newest discovery is fantastic: Cut the panty hose off about one-half inch below the panty line, cut out the crotch, slip it over your head, and voila! -- you have the neatest strapless bra. The control-top hose are firm enough to hold my 90-year-old sagging breasts, and it's very comfortable. No stays, no wires, no stiff cloth. Wherever you wear it, it stays -- high or low. I just had to share this idea. –- MISSOURI RECYCLER
DEAR RECYCLER: Thank you for the uplifting letter, and for your original addition to the recycling support effort.
Dear Abby is written by Pauline Phillips and daughter Jeanne Phillips.
What teens need to know about sex, drugs, AIDS and getting along with peers and parents is in "What Every Teen Should Know." To order, send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $5 (U.S. funds) to: Dear Abby -- Teen Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in the price.)
Wife's Outbursts of Temper Escalate to Physical Assault
DEAR ABBY: My wife, "Delia," is normally a very caring person, but she has a volatile temper. When she loses it, she shouts, curses, slams doors, etc. Even as a child, Delia had a reputation for being a hothead. But she's no longer a little girl. We're both over 50. Recently her temper has escalated to hitting in addition to verbal outbursts.
While I was driving during our vacation, I made the mistake of laughing at something Delia considered serious. In full view of our children in the backseat, she hauled off and hit me across the face. This was no love tap; my jaw was stiff the entire next day. Even more troubling, now that the vacation is over and she has cooled down, she sees no need to apologize. She claims I deserved it.
I have my faults, but violent behavior is not one of them. I've suggested anger management to Delia -– she even went for a few sessions -– but now this. How can we help her to change? -- NEVER BEEN HIT BEFORE IN TINSELTOWN
DEAR NEVER BEEN HIT BEFORE: Violence, whether verbal or physical, cannot be tolerated. Your wife's out-of-control anger must be harnessed before she inflicts serious injury on someone.
Everyone feels angry at some point. It can be triggered by many things, including feeling fearful and helpless. Many people have never learned to express that anger in acceptable ways.
Suppressing her anger until it erupts is one cause of the violent outbursts. Venting is like releasing steam from a pressure cooker. Explain to Delia that the challenge is not to deny her anger, but to understand what is making her angry and to express it in ways that will be more effective and constructive. Rather than flaring up, a few well-chosen words that make the point are more likely to achieve the desired results.
There are more proven methods for coping with anger without lashing out or hurting those around us. I have incorporated some of them in my booklet, "The Anger in All of Us, and How to Deal With It." To order a copy of this booklet, send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $5 (U.S. funds) to: Dear Abby –- Anger Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in the price.)
DEAR ABBY: After reading a recent column of yours, I feel compelled to write. One of your letter-writers included "massage parlors" with vices such as lap dancing and strip clubs.
I realize there are some businesses that call themselves massage parlors and are no more than fronts for prostitution. However, therapeutic massage is a growing field that is doing well at getting past certain unsavory stereotypes.
As a massage therapist, I implore you to remind your readers that therapeutic massage is a valid means of enhancing one's personal well-being. Massage can increase circulation, improve muscle tone, relieve pain, and improve a range of motion in stiff joints. Some large companies actually contract on-site massage therapists in an effort to reduce repetitive-motion or static-positioning injuries and also to improve employee morale. -- JOY IN FORT COLLINS, COLO.
DEAR JOY: You're absolutely right, and you'll get no argument from me. I enjoy massages myself from time to time. I consider them to be the ultimate luxury.
THOUGHT FOR THE DAY:
Be careful of your thoughts, for your thoughts become your words.
Be careful of your words, for your words become your actions.
Be careful of your actions, for your actions become your habits.
Be careful of your habits, for your habits become your character.
Be careful of your character, for your character becomes your destiny. -- AUTHOR UNKNOWN
Dear Abby is written by Pauline Phillips and daughter Jeanne Phillips.