Join the debate. Vote Now on the Dear Abby Poll of the week.

by Abigail Van Buren

DEAR ABBY: You've published letters from wives complaining about their husbands. You should know that there are also husbands who put up with verbally abusive wives.

I make close to a six-figure salary, but my wife isn't satisfied. She complains because many of our friends and neighbors make more.

My wife works, but believes she should spend all she earns on herself. Would it hurt her to pay for some of our children's school clothes or contribute to their school tuition, instead of me selling company stock?

She's forgotten what intimacy is. I send her flowers and take her to nice places for dinner. I don't even get a goodnight kiss.

I work 10 to 12 hours a day and still manage to wash the clothes, do the dishes and put everything away. She complains she doesn't have enough help around the house.

I buy her thoughtful presents. She gives me gift certificates from video stores.

What my wife doesn't know is that when the kids are out of college, this provider will be history! -- IDEAL HUSBAND IN CALIFORNIA

DEAR IDEAL: Why keep it a secret? If you tell your wife now, it's possible the two of you can save your relationship with marriage counseling. A mediator might be able to convince her to make a drastic attitude adjustment. It's worth a try. If it doesn't work, you'll be free sooner rather than later.

DEAR ABBY: I am in a spot. One of my best friends is being married in December the same day as my college graduation. I have worked very hard these past few years trying to obtain this graduate degree. I didn't graduate with any honors when I received my bachelor's, and so far I have a 4.0. I would receive a special award for this.

I am so confused. I don't know what to do. Should I just attend my graduation and show up for the reception? Or should I skip my graduation and go to the wedding? The bride is expecting me to forgo my graduation.

I am the first from my circle of friends to get a graduate degree. What should I do? -- IN A BIND IN TEXAS

DEAR IN A BIND: You have worked hard to earn your graduate degree and the honors that go with it. Attend your graduation ceremony and then go to your friend's wedding reception. If she begrudges you the validation you worked so hard to achieve, clip this and show it to her. She needs a dose of reality. It may be her big day, but it's your big day, too.

DEAR ABBY: I am a recycling nut. I throw nothing away that can possibly be recycled. I have long used worn-out panty hose as stuffing material, or cut it into strips to tie back house and garden plants.

But my newest discovery is fantastic: Cut the panty hose off about one-half inch below the panty line, cut out the crotch, slip it over your head, and voila! -- you have the neatest strapless bra. The control-top hose are firm enough to hold my 90-year-old sagging breasts, and it's very comfortable. No stays, no wires, no stiff cloth. Wherever you wear it, it stays -- high or low. I just had to share this idea. –- MISSOURI RECYCLER

DEAR RECYCLER: Thank you for the uplifting letter, and for your original addition to the recycling support effort.

Dear Abby is written by Pauline Phillips and daughter Jeanne Phillips.

What teens need to know about sex, drugs, AIDS and getting along with peers and parents is in "What Every Teen Should Know." To order, send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $5 (U.S. funds) to: Dear Abby -- Teen Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in the price.)

4520 Main St., Kansas City, Mo. 64111; (816) 932-6600