DEAR ABBY: Did the police officer from Toledo ever get promoted to "loo-tenant" after he was locked in the bathroom? -- MIKE IN L.A.
DEAR MIKE: Clever! (I'm flushed with laughter.)
DEAR ABBY: Did the police officer from Toledo ever get promoted to "loo-tenant" after he was locked in the bathroom? -- MIKE IN L.A.
DEAR MIKE: Clever! (I'm flushed with laughter.)
DEAR ABBY: You printed a letter about school bullies. I went to school more than 20 years ago, and it hasn't changed. My family was poor. My clothes in high school were yard-sale stuff. One morning I walked into school and kids stopped and pointed at me, laughing. I remember a teacher coming into the hall to see what was going on, and he laughed, too. I was wearing colors that didn't go together, but it was the best I could do. My life was a nightmare.
I had gym class that same day. We were going outside to play softball but had to choose up teams first. The two popular girls were always team captains. They chose their teams and I was left standing alone. The teacher said, "Bonnie, you get Carol." Bonnie said loudly, "I don't want Carol. She stinks at this game. She stinks at every game." Then the team captains argued over who was going to get stuck with me. I wanted to die.
When they all ran outside, I lagged behind, slipped back into the locker room, and changed back into my old, worn-out, mismatched clothes. I went home. Nobody missed me. I went into our garage and looked for something poisonous. I wanted to kill myself and get it over with. I hated the kids, I hated the teachers and I hated myself. I turned the old broken radio on low. Its case was cracked, but it still worked, and I just cried and cried.
Then I got serious and found a bottle of termite poison. I had almost worked up the nerve to drink it when the radio played Dolly Parton's "Coat of Many Colors." It was a song about a girl who wore a coat pieced together from rags because her family was poor, and the kids at school laughed at her. And I thought, "Look where Dolly is today -- she didn't run home and kill herself. She got through it."
I went back to school the next morning and ignored everyone. I ignored the cruel comments as if I didn't hear them. I told myself I was an outsider in hostile territory, but I had a goal to achieve, and I poured everything I had into my studies, my grades. I graduated and went on to college in another state.
I'm successful and happy now and have a loving family. I work with disadvantaged kids in my spare time. Life is wonderful. Thank you, Dolly. And thank you, Abby. -- CAROL, A SURVIVOR
DEAR CAROL: Thank you for a letter that I know will give hope to other young people who are the victims of taunting and ridicule. I'm struck by its dual message. The first is about the ability of music to heal suffering. The second is about the ability of the human spirit to rise above suffering and to prevail in the face of difficult odds. I'm sure you are saving lives in the work you are doing with disadvantaged youth. You are a shining example of the success that comes from perseverance.
DEAR ABBY: You were all wet in your advice that the new parents continue to shower together indefinitely. Privacy issues aside, they are leaving their little one unsupervised if they do it when she is awake. Should something happen, they would not hear any warning signs of trouble. -- LUCY IN CHEYENNE, WYO.
DEAR LUCY: You are absolutely right. That didn't occur to me. Thank you for speaking up.
Dear Abby is written by Pauline Phillips and daughter Jeanne Phillips.
What teens need to know about sex, drugs, AIDS and getting along with peers and parents is in "What Every Teen Should Know." To order, send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $5 (U.S. funds) to: Dear Abby -- Teen Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in the price.)
DEAR ABBY: I just finished the letter from "Wanting to Be a Star," the 12-year-old girl who wants to be famous instead of being a "no one." I felt exactly the same way when I was her age. Living my whole life without making my mark on the world weighed heavily on my mind. My biggest fear was that I would have the same sort of ordinary life my parents had. However, something happened when I was 15 that forever changed my view of the purpose of my life: My father died suddenly of a brain aneurysm.
My parents were regular people. Mom was a housewife who volunteered at our school, in Girl Scouts and church. She also coached my softball team. Dad worked five, sometimes six days a week as a salesman for a company most people never heard of. He volunteered his time helping others, serving on the school board, and always made time for his wife and children.
My parents taught me by example how to trust and be trustworthy, to be kind to strangers and generous to those less fortunate. They worked hard to give us kids an education and a strong work ethic. Because of them I learned that it is more important to be loved by the people you know than adored by the ones you don't. -- KAREN THOMPSON, MARYSVILLE, PENN.
DEAR KAREN: You ARE a star -- a shining example of your parents' unconditional love. Read on:
DEAR ABBY: I am 16 and have been working on my acting and dancing skills for years. It's finally beginning to pay off. I have some advice for "Wanting to Be a Star":
(1) Don't be intimidated by those with more experience.
(2) Don't expect jobs to come looking for you; work hard and don't give up your dream.
(3) Always have a backup job you can enjoy while waiting for your break.
(4) And always be yourself. It's better to be a real nobody than a fake somebody. You were born an original. Don't become a copy.
Good luck -- and "break a leg!" -- KELLY IN DELAWARE
DEAR KELLY: That's terrific advice, and it applies to every career a person could aspire to -- not just show biz. Read on:
DEAR ABBY: I, too, come from humble beginnings, and like "Waiting" I also had dreams.
I enrolled in my first ballet class at 18. I was a "natural" and was chosen to participate in a 10-week program taught by a well-known choreographer. My parents were not pleased. Their philosophy was founded in the post-World War II mentality that men went to work and women were homemakers. In an effort to compromise, I worked full time as a secretary and went to college in the evenings. Because the dance course was held during working house, I had no choice but to decline the opportunity that was offered to me. I was heartbroken.
After 20 years, I am still a secretary. I would like to urge "Waiting" to sit down and make a plan. And she should follow that plan until she reaches her goal -- regardless of what anyone says. Breaking into the entertainment industry may be difficult, but waking up each day to go to a job you hate is even harder. -- REGRETFUL IN NEW JERSEY
DEAR REGRETFUL: While it may be too late for you to have a dance career, it's not too late to volunteer some of your free time to a dance company. Or, if the urge to perform is too strong for that, you may find a creative outlet in folk dancing or square dancing where the accent on youth and agility is less than it is in ballet. Trust me -- you'll have a ball!
Dear Abby is written by Pauline Phillips and daughter Jeanne Phillips.
Good advice for everyone -- teens to seniors -- is in "The Anger in All of Us and How to Deal With It." To order, send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $5 (U.S. funds only) to: Dear Abby -- Anger Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in the price.)
DEAR ABBY: I'm writing in response to "Controlled and Trapped," the 18-year-old woman who was forbidden by her mother to visit "Tom" in Tennessee unless she took a chaperone. She never did go, and she regretted it for the next 40 years. She finally got her own apartment, but continued to feel deep resentment toward her mother. You recommended counseling.
I am a 67-year-old retired M.D. who happens to be gay. I, too, felt controlled and trapped by my parents when I was younger. Over the years, I was counseled by two psychiatrists and three psychotherapists. Even after all that psychiatric help, I still felt great resentment toward my folks. However, after I moved to Los Angeles, I was fortunate enough to find a mentor.
One day, my mentor said something that forever cracked my shell of resentment and anger. He said, "Armand, your parents behaved the way they did because they didn't know any better!" I suddenly realized that both my parents had only sixth-grade educations, and had they known better, they probably would have treated me differently.
When I asked my mentor if I should forgive my parents, he said, "You got it! You'll have to forgive them every time they come to mind."
You know what? It took quite a while, but I persisted and it paid off. Finally, all my anger and resentment dissipated. I cried tears of joy for my newfound freedom and peace of mind. Then I actually began feeling love in my heart toward my parents.
Softly, slowly ... love heals. I read your column faithfully. Keep up the good work. -- ARMAND AUGER, M.D., LOS ANGELES
DEAR ARMAND: Your mentor led you to a beautiful realization. Sometimes difficult situations are resolved by simple truths.
DEAR ABBY: I am in love with "Errol." But he has one big flaw. He has a habit of staring at other women's bodies. Specifically, their chests. I'm not talking about just a glance at a well-endowed female. Errol literally stares until the lady is out of sight.
I find it annoying and embarrassing. We have discussed it many times, but he refuses to admit there is anything abnormal about his behavior. He says all men do it. I have dated other men and have never experienced this problem.
Errol says he loves me, and I believe him. Other than his staring, our relationship is wonderful, and I don't want to leave him. However, I'm afraid his obsession will eventually come between us. What are your thoughts on this? -- IN LOVE WITH A LEERER
DEAR IN LOVE: Glancing at other people is normal. Staring is considered rude, inconsiderate and a sign of immaturity. It's also demeaning to one's companion.
Since your boyfriend knows how his staring makes you feel and has made it clear he has no intention of altering his behavior, I'd say your relationship with him is already a bust.
Dear Abby is written by Pauline Phillips and daughter Jeanne Phillips.
For everything you need to know about wedding planning, order "How to Have a Lovely Wedding." Send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $5 (U.S. funds only) to: Dear Abby -- Wedding Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in the price.)