Dear Abby is written by Pauline Phillips and daughter Jeanne Phillips.
Daughters and Their Dad's Money Are Not Soon Parted
DEAR ABBY: In January of 1994, my loving wife and best friend of 47 years passed away. I was devastated, but I am also realistic. I was 71, healthy, virile, fun-loving and enjoyed life.
A little over a month after my wife's funeral, I was tired of being alone and went to a resort. I met a lovely woman there, and a few weeks later, I called and invited her to dinner. We spent more than six hours talking, sharing a couple of small glasses of wine, and were more interested in each other than the food.
When I got home, I received a call from my younger daughter and was given the third degree. It was only the beginning. In spite of the interference, this lady and I continued to enjoy each other's company. We lived together for a year and a half and then married.
I gave my daughters one of our family trusts to allay their fear that someone might get something they thought was all theirs. It didn't help. They continued to drive a wedge between my wife and me. I later discovered they put a tap on my phone. So, where did all this lead? You guessed it. Divorce court.
It has been a year and a half; I recently met a lady on the Internet. We have been writing and talking on the phone almost daily. Three weeks ago, we met in Paris and spent a great week together. No sex was involved -- just a great time. The lady plans to come here to visit. Tonight my younger daughter informed me she intends to run her off.
As far as my daughters are concerned, I don't need a friend, a companion or wife. They are worried that someone besides them will get whatever I have left. They tell me I don't need anyone; just our family is enough. I love my grandchildren, but to be honest, I don't need my children running my life.
Abby, the lady in question is in her late 50s, is well-educated, entertaining, intelligent, and has a good job in her home country. I hate to put her through what they did to my previous wife. Should I sell everything I have and move to a different city or country? -- DESPERATE FOR A LIFE OF MY OWN
DEAR DESPERATE: It is unlikely your daughters will ever accept any woman in your life. Achieving your independence will mean you will have to separate from your daughters -- and it's likely you'll have to sacrifice your relationship with your grandchildren. I urge you to talk this entire situation over with your attorney. As your new relationship progresses, the woman will need to be protected from your daughters no matter how far from them you move.
DEAR ABBY: I just finished reading the letter from Thom Somes of Pet Tech Inc. The information he provided concerning pet first aid was invaluable. However, I would like to expand on one of his facts.
The leading cause of death in companion animals is NOT preventable accidents. It is euthanasia. According to the Humane Society of the United States, an estimated 4 million to 6 million companion animals are euthanized every year in America's animal shelters.
There are two simple solutions to the problem of pet overpopulation and the needless killing of adoptable animals: Have your pet spayed or neutered, and always have an up-to-date identification tag on your pet.
Thank you for getting the word out, Abby. -- JACK FISHER, EXECUTIVE DIRECTOR, LEE COUNTY (ALA.) HUMANE SOCIETY
DEAR JACK: You're welcome. If my readers take your message to heart -- and I'm sure many of them will -- countless lives of companion animals will be saved.
Abby shares more than 100 of her favorite recipes in two booklets: "Abby's Favorite Recipes" and "More Favorite Recipes by Dear Abby." Send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $10 (U.S. funds)
to: Dear Abby -- Cookbooklet Set, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in price.)
Farmer's Wife Finds Letter That's Too Hot to Handle
DEAR ABBY: I am in a predicament! I don't know what to do. We live on a farm. Last night after the children were asleep, I went out to the barn and found my husband hurrying to put away a mysterious bag. I asked him what he was doing. He said, "Nothing, just going through some old things." When we returned to the house together, he had some old photos of his ex-wife he said he was giving to her sister. I didn't mind. I felt that at least he was getting rid of them.
This morning, after the kids went to school, my curiosity got the best of me. I opened the bag and found some old family photographs and collectibles. Underneath, I found an envelope with his name on it. I opened it and found a letter written by his ex-wife. It wasn't an ordinary love letter -- it was a sexual fantasy.
The contents of the letter are disgusting. Now I don't know if I should destroy it, confront him, or put it back and try to forget I ever saw it. I'm afraid if I mention it he'll get angry that I snooped through his private things. If I destroy it, he will get really angry. If I leave it, I'm afraid he will read it from time to time, and I'LL be angry all over again. I wish I hadn't found it.
Abby, I love my husband and have never had any reason not to trust him, but after finding that letter, I don't know what to do. -- THE FARMER'S SECOND WIFE
DEAR WIFE: Under no circumstances should you be the one to destroy the letter. Tell your husband what you did and offer him an apology for snooping. When you tell him how upsetting the contents of the letter were, he may volunteer to get rid of it. However, the decision should be his. And if he wants to keep it, he won't be the first man (or woman) to keep a souvenir of a dead romance.
DEAR ABBY: So many people can't seem to get off the couch and into an exercise program. May I offer the following "Exercise Program for Lazy People"?
-- Jumping to conclusions
-- Beating around the bush
-- Climbing the walls
-- Passing the buck
-- Dragging my heels
-- Pushing my luck
-- Making mountains out of molehills
-- Hitting the nail on the head
-- Running around in circles
-- Climbing the ladder of success
-- Opening a can of worms
-- Starting the ball rolling
-- Jumping on the bandwagon
-- Picking up the pieces
-- Going over the edge
-- ANN E. FINK, ORANGE CITY, FLA.
DEAR ANN: What I like best about your "exercises" is they require no particular talent and no expensive equipment. However, my favorite wasn't listed: Putting your foot in your mouth.
Dear Abby is written by Pauline Phillips and daughter Jeanne Phillips.
For everything you need to know about wedding planning, order "How to Have a Lovely Wedding." Send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $5 (U.S. funds only) to: Dear Abby -- Wedding Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in the price.)
DEAR ABBY: A year ago, my family and I suffered a tragic loss. Our 11-year-old Pomeranian dog "Poofy" was injured in an accident and died several days later. Poofy had been my constant companion and best friend since we adopted him as a puppy. As a single woman, I thought of him as my only child. I am still under treatment for the depression caused by his unexpected death.
For two days after Poofy's death, I called into work and explained that I would be unable to come in because of a "death in the family." However, when my employer discovered that the deceased was not a human, everything at my workplace changed! I was given the worst assignments. Newcomers got the better duties. I was constantly yelled at even though I did my best wherever I was assigned. I was treated like a lazy good-for-nothing who had used a lame excuse to miss work. I was even officially reprimanded for my "misbehavior." Eventually I had to leave my job.
Abby, was I wrong to expect sympathy from my employer? -- STILL GRIEVING IN WEST VIRGINIA
DEAR STILL GRIEVING: No, you were not wrong to expect sympathy from your employer. However, you were wrong in not being up-front about exactly which family member had died when you requested time off. And you must also realize that the magnitude of your sorrow might not be understood by those who are not as devoted animal-lovers as you are.
DEAR ABBY: I am a 25-year-old graduate student who had the misfortune of being in an auto accident that left me unable to walk for three weeks. Enduring the pain was difficult, but I could not believe the attitude some people displayed toward me. Whenever I went to the market or department store, I had to rely on wheelchairs or motor carts provided by the store. I encountered people who cut in front of me or gave me dirty looks because I was taking up too much room in the aisle. Some customers even cut in front of me in the only handicap checkout lane in the store.
Lucky for me my injury caused only temporary inconvenience, but many people must deal with these sorts of hassles all their lives. May I ask shoppers, through your column, to be a little more considerate of those who must use wheelchairs or electric carts while shopping? -- GRATEFUL TO BE WALKING NOW
DEAR GRATEFUL: You certainly may. Consider your experience a crash course in empathy. Thank you for sharing the lesson so that all of us can be a bit more considerate in the future.
DEAR ABBY: How long should a couple be married prior to having an anniversary party and renewing their vows?
When my husband and I married a little over four years ago, we were moving out of state in two months and had little time to plan the wedding. It was a lovely event, but modest due to time and money constraints. We agreed that at some point we would renew our vows and have the anniversary party of our dreams.
At the time of our marriage, many family members and friends were not at all sure our marriage was a good idea. Their concerns were not without merit, and we understood. However, we are happily married, have started a beautiful family, and we'd really like to celebrate by hosting a party for family and friends. We don't want any gifts.
Abby, is five years too soon, or is it better to wait until we've been married 10 or 15 years to celebrate? -- HAPPY COUPLE IN THE MIDWEST
DEAR HAPPY COUPLE: Your fifth anniversary would be an ideal time to celebrate the success of your union. Go for it!
Dear Abby is written by Pauline Phillips and daughter Jeanne Phillips.
For an excellent guide to becoming a better conversationalist and a more sociable person, order "How to Be Popular." Send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $5 (U.S. funds) to: Dear Abby -- Popularity Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in the price.)