To order "How to Write Letters for All Occasions," send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby, Letter Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)
DEAR ABBY: On Sept. 12, 2000, our beautiful, blue-eyed 11-year-old daughter died from injuries she sustained in a car accident. With her seat belt fastened, she had the front passenger seat reclined to nap on the way home from school. Upon impact, she was thrown up to the seat belt and back down to the reclined seat. She suffered severe brain trauma.
Reclining the front seat is something people take for granted, and something we never realized was dangerous. We heard a doctor comment that severe injuries from being reclined are becoming more common. Commercials show how safe a car is while crash-test dummies are sitting upright with their seat belts fastened. Try to picture what that "dummy" would do if it was lying on its back without the support of a back seat. Without the back support, a sleeping person would be like a rag doll and would slide from under the lap belt, hitting the side of the car or the driver's seat. The only way airbags and seat belts can save you is if you're sitting with the seat upright and belts secured.
Since this tragedy, our families and friends have stopped this seemingly innocent but dangerous activity. Please get this message out to your readers; it may save a life. Thank you. -- JAMIE'S FAMILY, FLORISSANT, MO.
DEAR JAMIE'S FAMILY: What a horror story. Please accept my deepest sympathy for the tragic loss of your little girl.
I'm reminding readers of every age that the safest position for riding as a passenger in a moving vehicle is sitting upright, facing forward, with both feet on the floor and arms and hands inside. In the proper position, there is far less risk of neck injuries, scrapes, broken bones, crushed pelvises and brain injuries in a collision. Accidents can happen to anyone -- that's why they are called "accidents."
DEAR ABBY: I would like to respond to "Nancy's" comments on table manners. She said, "Remove your hat before sitting down at the table, including baseball caps." Sometimes a baseball cap might be more pleasant for others to look at than the scars it is hiding.
Six months ago, my son and three other crew members were in a C-130, fighting fires in France, when the plane crashed. Two were killed. My son and another young man survived when they were blown out of the plane on impact. They were in intensive care for quite some time.
In spite of very bad scars, they both looked wonderful to us. However, when my son was well enough for us to take him out to dinner, he wore a baseball cap to hide his worst scars, which were on his head.
You can believe I was proud to be sitting at the table with him -- cap included! I'm hopeful that after some plastic surgery, the cap will no longer be necessary. -- A HAPPY MOM IN TENNESSEE
DEAR HAPPY MOM: I am so glad to learn your son survived such a terrible accident and is on the road to recovery.
In most circumstances, men wear baseball caps because they think it's "cool" or they are having a bad hair day or have no hair at all. It would benefit all of us to refrain from judging those who wear caps indoors -- there may be, as in your son's case, a legitimate reason.
Relatives Want Gifts Back After Couple's Tragic Parting
DEAR ABBY: Three months ago, my cousin "Jacob" married a wonderful woman I'll call Kate. Only days after their wedding, she was diagnosed with advanced, inoperable cancer. Though we thought she might be with us for one last Christmas, she passed away just after Thanksgiving.
The day after the funeral, Jacob began receiving phone calls from Kate's family, demanding the return of the wedding gifts they had given this couple only seven weeks before. One of them even had the audacity to tell Jacob that she didn't want to "waste her money" on him since Kate was dead!
I would understand if Jacob had divorced his wife, or if the marriage had been annulled, but this poor man lost his bride to cancer -- he certainly didn't push her away. Abby, Jacob is heartbroken. He certainly cannot deal with returning wedding gifts so her relatives can get their money back.
Kate's family is large, and Jacob has gotten at least two phone calls every day for a week -- sometimes more. Personally, I think what they're proposing is indecent. What is the appropriate response to Kate's family? -- AGHAST IN ARIZONA
DEAR AGHAST: Just when I think I've heard everything, along comes a letter like yours. Jacob kept his marriage vows -- to love, honor and cherish Kate until death parted them. He is entitled to keep the wedding gifts and to far more consideration than he's receiving from his late wife's family. As for the "appropriate response" to Kate's family, I wouldn't blame Jacob if he changed his phone number to one that's unlisted.
DEAR ABBY: Thank you for printing the letter from "Desperate for a Compliment." That letter spoke to my husband's heart. That night he started calling me "pretty." I later saw the letter in your column.
We have a successful marriage, but we get comfortable and lazy. I don't need a lot of compliments, but would rather receive them from my husband. So, thank you again for waking him up. You're the best teacher. -- SMILING WIFE IN CINCINNATI
DEAR SMILING WIFE: I'm pleased the letter had such a positive effect. Now it's your turn. Tonight, leave a little note on his pillow telling him how much he means to you. Read on:
DEAR ABBY: I have just finished the letter from "Desperate for a Compliment." I have been married 13 years to my high school sweetheart. I felt the same way "Desperate" did until a friend asked me if I ever told my husband how handsome he is.
That got me to thinking. I assumed that because he is so good-looking, he didn't need a compliment. I was wrong. I began giving him sincere compliments, letting him know I noticed how good he looked and praising him for other nice things he did daily.
He has given me more compliments in the last few months than I would have received in a year's time, and they are sincere and sweet. He has even gone back to calling me "pet names."
Please let "Desperate" know that a little kindness will get her much more than a lot of nagging will. -- NEVER TOO LATE
Good advice for everyone -- teens to seniors -- is in "The Anger in All of Us and How to Deal With It." To order, send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby, Anger Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)
Workaholic Had Long Career of Spreading Germs at Work
DEAR ABBY: I'm writing in the hope that your readers will understand the hardship caused by the selfishness of people who show up for work when they're sick.
For many years, I worked at a company where our employer understood people's need for occasional sick days. Ample coverage was provided for such events, as well as medical insurance.
One of the men in my office with whom I was required to come in close contact never took sick time. Although he was coughing, blowing or running a fever, he came to work every day, exposing me and my fellow co-workers to his germs -- which we caught, causing us to stay home and/or see our doctors.
One such episode occurred when this man came to work with the flu. I caught it from him, and it eventually turned into pneumonia. I was five months pregnant at the time, and the extremely heavy coughing inherent with pneumonia became critical to my pregnancy. I survived, as did my baby, but I lost six weeks of work and used up all of my sick time and accumulated vacation, which was not as serious as the fear of possibly losing my baby.
When the gentleman retired after 30-plus years with the company, he was given a special award in appreciation of the fact that he had never missed a day of work. Quite a number of us were less than thrilled over his "accomplishment." We had all paid for his lack of consideration and felt the special recognition of his devotion to the company was unwarranted. Recognition that there were casualties along the way as a result of his selfishness would have been far more appropriate. -- GINNY IN RENO, NEV.
DEAR GINNY: I suspect the award was given to "Typhoid Murray" because someone in management became sentimental and didn't think through what his misplaced loyalty had cost the company in terms of sick pay and lost man-hours.
DEAR ABBY: About eight months ago, my 20-year-old nephew moved into our home. My husband and I decided at the time we wouldn't charge him rent so he could get caught up on his bills.
The problem is that without asking, he now has his 18-year-old girlfriend staying overnight at least three or four times a week. She has been showering here on occasion and has eaten here, too. She doesn't live at home, but with other people.
Abby, I don't want her staying here. I think my nephew is being disrespectful for not having asked my husband or me first. I feel they are taking advantage of us. I would like her to go home at night. Should I say anything to them or keep my mouth shut? I really don't know what to do or say. -- DOESN'T APPROVE IN ABERDEEN, WASH.
DEAR DOESN'T: Speak up! Tell your nephew exactly how you feel, and don't apologize for your feelings. They are valid. It isn't fair to complain that he isn't living by the rules if he hasn't been informed about them. Remember, silence implies consent. If you prefer not to subsidize your nephew's lifestyle, you shouldn't have to. After all, it's your house.
DEAR ABBY: What do you think of a 60ish bachelor who would serve his "love interest" an 8-day-old salad? Not only was it 8 days old, but it was in a doggie bag I had given him when he had dinner at my house! -- A FRESH TOMATO IN TUCSON
DEAR FRESH TOMATO: Your bachelor friend is frugal to a fault. Food should not be kept more than three days.
P.S. If he continues this unhealthy lifestyle, he'll be lucky to make it to 70ish.
Abby shares her favorite recipes in two booklets: "Abby's Favorite Recipes" and "Abby's More Favorite Recipes." To order, send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 per booklet ($4.50 each in Canada) to: Dear Abby Booklets, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in price.)