DEAR ABBY: When my nieces were small, their young mother couldn't care for them. She left them with their grandmother for a number of years while she prepared to be a full-time mom. My husband and I developed a close relationship with the girls while they lived with Grandma. Today, the girls live with their mommy and her new, and very kind, husband.
Unfortunately, Mommy is a chronic -- if not pathological -- liar. Every time we chat with the girls, they innocently repeat another of their mother's outrageous lies. Normally I say nothing. But the other day, "Sheila," the younger girl, told me she was mad at Grandma for having taken Mommy to court to get custody of them. I told Sheila she was mistaken; Grandma never took Mommy to court. But Sheila insisted it was true, because Mommy said so. It's not the first time Mommy has told the kids a story that makes Grandma look like "the bad guy."
My husband says the kids will eventually catch on to Mommy's lying, and I should keep quiet. However, I hate to let the kids believe this hateful lie and remain angry with Grandma. She is elderly and may not be around by the time the truth comes out.
What should I say or do when the girls talk about "the custody battle" or any other lies making Grandma look bad? -- BITING MY TONGUE IN CALIFORNIA
DEAR BITING: Don't pit the children against their mother, but do correct them by explaining that Mommy is "mistaken."
Later, when they find out that Mommy can't be trusted, they will know they can talk to you when they need to hear the truth.
P.S. Consider talking privately with their mother and explaining how hurtful and destructive her remarks are to family unity. If she's having trouble handling her guilt for past behavior, she should consult a professional rather than lie to her children.