DEAR ABBY: A friend of mine just canceled her wedding that was to take place a month from now. We already had an engagement party and a bridal shower for her.
I assumed since the wedding was canceled, the gifts would be returned. Instead, my friend asked me how much I spent so she could reimburse me, because she likes my gift too much to return it. She further stated that members of her family had refused to take back their gifts when asked. I was too shocked to respond to her question.
How should I have answered her question about how much I spent for her gift? (By the way, she was engaged once before but canceled the wedding before the shower.)
The gifts from the engagement party were never returned -- so now I have given two engagement gifts and a shower gift to someone who never got married.
Which leads to another question -- should she ever become engaged again, must I give her a third gift? -- CONFUSED IN WEST CALDWELL, N.J.
DEAR CONFUSED: Since you have already given two engagement gifts and a shower gift, I see no reason why you should feel obligated to give again should your friend get in the way of cupid's arrow. Tell her exactly how much you spent for the wedding gift she's keeping so she can reimburse you for the expense. She's trying to do the right thing and shouldn't be criticized for it.
DEAR ABBY: I would like to respond to "Not Very Graceful in Provo, Utah," who asked how women in high heels could walk so gracefully.
When I went through modeling school in the 1950s, we were taught to walk in high heels by:
(1) Placing the toe area down first, followed very quickly by the heel, so the whole foot was down at the same time.
(2) Walking with knees slightly flexed.
(3) Pulling our ribs "out of the abdomen" (figuratively speaking) without doing anything special with the shoulders, not to lean back, and most important, standing up straight.
If she follows these instructions, she will walk smoothly. Balancing a book on top of the head can be added later. I'm sure models are still taught these techniques. -- DEIRDRE MADDEN, MEDINA, OHIO
DEAR DEIRDRE: May I be frank? Thank you for the input, but it seems like a lot to remember just to make it from point A to point B. I also heard from a foot specialist who asked me to remind women that more important than walking gracefully in high heels is to wear shoes that fit properly. An entire industry (bunion removal) was spawned by the popularity of ill-fitting, spike-heeled shoes.
DEAR ABBY: My mother recently passed away. I have been receiving fruit baskets, flowers, Mass cards and sympathy cards from my friends, co-workers and family.
I realize that I must send thank-you notes for baskets, flowers and Mass cards. Is it also necessary to send a note back if someone sent me a printed card with their signature or a printed card with a written note to me? -- MOURNING IN WORCESTER, MASS.
DEAR MOURNING: I would. Everyone who has made the effort to reach out to you in your time of sorrow should be acknowledged.
For everything you need to know about wedding planning, order "How to Have a Lovely Wedding." Send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby, Wedding Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)
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