For everything you need to know about wedding planning, order "How to Have a Lovely Wedding." Send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby, Wedding Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)
Medic Has Word to the Wise for Teens Who 'Fool Around'
DEAR ABBY: While cleaning out some drawers, I discovered a column of yours I had clipped years ago. I'm now saving it for my great-grandchildren.
Your column has helped lots of people, and perhaps this item can save other teen-agers many heartaches and problems if you print it again. Thanks. –- A GREAT-GRANDMA FROM INDIANA
DEAR GREAT-GRANDMA: You're right. It contains information every teen-ager should know –- so here it is for young people who don't think things through before they do "everything but" or become sexually active:
DEAR ABBY: I weep every time I read a letter from a pregnant teen-ager pleading for help. So few people know that the sex act need not be completed for a female to become pregnant.
I was a medic in the service. When I got married, my ward doctor loaned me a medical book that he'd used in counseling young people. From that book, I learned that when a man becomes excited, a few drops of neutralizing fluid are released to neutralize any uric acid in the male urinary canal. It is nature's way of clearing a safe path for the delicate sperm cells to pass through at termination of the sex act.
Lab tests have shown that occasionally a few sperm cells are present in the fluid. This occurs most frequently in teen-agers, since that is when the male is at the peak of fertility.
Abby, please warn young people that if they plan to go beyond kissing and holding hands, they should take all necessary measures a couple would or should take in preventing pregnancy. "Fooling around a little" can be as dangerous as going all the way.
I am a father and a grandfather who is concerned about our youth, so if this information can help someone, you have my permission to edit it any way you like. –- CONCERNED GRANDFATHER
DEAR GRANDFATHER: Thank you for a lesson in sex education that may save young people from an "accidental" pregnancy they are ill-prepared to handle.
DEAR ABBY: When I read the letter from "Puzzled Mother-in-Law," I had to write. She said she and her husband traveled for three days to their son and daughter-in-law's house for Thanksgiving, and then were ignored by the daughter-in-law. She kept to herself, reading books, sewing and staying in her closed bedroom.
I am a man in my 60s, and I think you missed this one, Abby. This behavior happened to me with two of my sons and a couple of friends.
That daughter-in-law and their son are most likely breaking up. Their son invited them, and his wife probably told him, "They're your parents –- you entertain them."
What I'm saying is, the son and daughter-in-law most likely put up a "front" for the occasion. As soon as the holiday was over, they probably went their own way. –- BEEN THERE, SEEN THAT, SUN VALLEY, NEV.
DEAR BEEN THERE: You certainly had a different take on this than I had, and you could be right. If I hear from the mother-in-law and you are correct, I'll print the letter. Thank you for the input.
PARENTS CLASH OVER DAUGHTER'S NEED TO GRIEVE FOR HER GRANDMA
DEAR ABBY: My mother passed away unexpectedly last year, following a cerebral hemorrhage and weeklong coma.
My wife and I have a 10-year-old daughter and a son who is 5. At my wife's request, our children did not attend the funeral or unveiling (we are Jewish). She thought it would be inappropriate to subject them to events they would not understand.
I agree somewhat, but only in regard to my little boy, since he's only 5 and doesn't understand much about death. My daughter, on the other hand, has a clear understanding. She cried terribly last year upon hearing her grandmother had died, and she has seen how my mother's death affected me.
My kids have never visited the grave, also at my wife's insistence. I want to take my daughter there, but my wife fears she would have nightmares afterward and that the experience could be harmful. My daughter has asked me many times to take her. She says she doesn't understand why we left her out of the funeral, etc. Now I don't know what I should do.
I wanted to include her in everything -– the funeral, unveiling and graveside ceremony. I still want her to see the beautiful memorial stone put up in honor of my mother's memory. Abby, who is right on this subject, me or my wife? –-SAD AND CONFUSED
DEAR SAD AND CONFUSED: You are. When a child is old enough to understand and ASKS to be included, that child should be.
Your daughter has been denied the closure she desperately needs. Take her to your mother's grave, and if she needs to, let her cry. Tears are healing.
DEAR ABBY: You gave good advice to "Young, but Not Foolish." She's the 17-year-old girl in love with a man of 25, whose mother married a man nine years older, but didn't want her daughter to do the same. You told her to listen to her mother. The 17-year-old may be totally "in love" with the 25-year-old man, but she should give some thought to the age difference.
When I was 15, I started dating a man 23. We dated for four years and were married six months ago. I am now 19. My husband is 27. I love him very much, but sometimes I feel I missed out on my carefree years by being with an older guy.
My husband is already talking about starting a family before he gets much older. I feel I'm too young to be a parent. I want to go out during the week and have some fun, but he works hard and comes home from work dead tired every night.
These are only a couple of things this young woman should be taking into consideration. –- OLD AT 19
DEAR OLD AT 19: You haven't asked for my advice, but please allow me to offer some. It appears you have gone from your parents' house to your husband's. Before embarking on the adventure of parenthood, stop and ponder for a moment that it is a lifetime responsibility. You should not become a parent until you are sure you're ready -– and by that I mean you are able to support a child should something happen to your husband. Please give what I have said careful thought.
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Dad's Two Month Visit Is No Vacation for His Family
DEAR ABBY: My wife and I were born and raised in the Midwest and now live in Florida. Our families are still up north and frequently vacation in our home. We're happy to see them and encourage them to visit –- with one exception.
Like many "snowbirds," my father-in-law comes every winter to spend in excess of two months. However, instead of his own home, he resides at our house. Dad is a very nice and generous man and my wife looks forward to his visit. Nonetheless, the amount of time he spends here is getting to be too much, even for her. Our home has become his "Florida home" where he entertains, gives tours of the premises and includes us (with and without prior notice) for luncheons, dinners, etc., with people his own age whom we have never met.
I work from home, so I never get a break. Even after numerous requests, instead of allowing the machine to answer when I'm out, Dad picks up the phone and proceeds to discuss his vacation plans with my clients. As I stated before, he's not a bad person, but frankly, I'm no longer able to enjoy his visits. I dread Dad's visits as the time draws near, and I'm miserable the entire time –- counting down to the day he leaves. I wish I didn't feel this way, but enough is enough.
My wife would never admit to her father that his visits are an inconvenience, but perhaps if he reads this in your column, he -– and many others -– will realize that a vacation spent in someone else's home should be two weeks at the longest. Staying long enough to have your mail forwarded is an imposition. -– HAD ENOUGH IN FLORIDA
DEAR HAD ENOUGH: I'm printing your letter, but hoping that your father-in-law sees it and recognizes himself will not be enough. The solution to your problem lies in you and your wife behaving like adults, stiffening your backbones and discussing this issue openly with him. If Dad plans to remain longer than two weeks, he really should consider renting a nearby apartment so he can entertain to his heart's content, conduct tours of his own place -– and you can have peace of mind, privacy and sanctuary in your home, plus a businesslike environment in your office.
DEAR ABBY: I broke my hand playing high school football early in the season and had to get a cast. The doctor said I couldn't play football again until the cast was off or I'd run the risk of it never healing properly.
The cast was removed before the season was over, but I had already decided not to play again, even though the doctor said I could play. Now my coach and friends are angry at me. Do you think I was right to quit? –- BROKEN IN KANSAS
DEAR BROKEN: You made the right decision. Football is an aggressive and violent sport. It's normal not to want to subject yourself to another injury.
See how you feel about playing next fall. Do not allow yourself to be talked into anything you don't feel comfortable doing.
For an excellent guide to becoming a better conversationalist and a more attractive person, order "How to Be Popular." Send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby Popularity Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)