Good advice for everyone -- teens to seniors -- is in "The Anger in All of Us and How to Deal With It." To order, send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby, Anger Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)
Son Fails to Make Good His Promise of Payment to Mom
DEAR ABBY: My son and daughter-in-law asked me to baby-sit my new grandson when she returned to work three days a week. They also told me they wouldn't "let me" unless I agreed to accept $10 an hour. My son is very successful and makes more than $100,000 a year. They know I have few opportunities to earn spending money.
My son returned from work at the end of my first day of baby sitting and didn't pay me, so I went home. Later, I ran into my daughter-in-law at the market, and she asked if my son had paid me. I said, "No," but since they were coming over for dinner on Saturday night, I told her they could pay me then. We had dinner Saturday night and neither one of them paid me. (They are very forgetful people.)
Should I ask them for my money? My husband says if they aren't going to pay me, I will have to find other part-time work if I want my own spending money. -- GEORGIA GRANDMA
DEAR GRANDMA: There's no harm in reminding your son and daughter-in-law if they forget to pay you. Raise the subject of the money by asking them whether you should submit a weekly invoice for their tax purposes. Then agree on a payment schedule so all three of you have a clear understanding about how often you should expect to be paid.
DEAR ABBY: Both my husband and our 12-year-old daughter are stutterers. We recently discovered an organization that has helped them enormously, and I would like to share it with your readers: The National Stuttering Association (NSA), a self-help organization for people who stutter, provides literature for parents of children who stutter and, in addition, a video for children.
After years of difficult times at school, our daughter had poor self-esteem. Through NSA, we were able to learn about the various speech therapies that are available, and our daughter is in an excellent therapy program near our home. Her self-esteem has now improved.
My husband has also gained confidence by attending NSA meetings (there are chapters all across the country). NSA has helped him realize that there are other people out there just like him, so he is not alone.
Please tell your readers about NSA so other families like mine can be helped. -- GRATEFUL WIFE AND MOTHER
DEAR GRATEFUL: With pleasure. Thank you for sharing your family's success story. The National Stuttering Association can be reached at (800) 364-1677. The address is 5100 E. LaPalma Ave., Suite 208, Anaheim Hills, CA 92807. The Web site is: www.nsastutter.org. The e-mail is: nsastutter(at)aol.com.
DEAR ABBY: I would like to add this "tragic" experience to your "You know you're getting old when ..." collection. (Yes, it happened to me!)
You know you're getting old when your son greets you by saying, "Hi, Mom. I just joined AARP!" -- FEELING OLD IN ARKANSAS
DEAR FEELING OLD: Don't let it get to you. I hear they're taking 'em younger and younger.
Couple Thinks in Laws' Visit Is More About Money Than Love
DEAR ABBY: My in-laws have invited themselves to stay at our house over a long weekend. They told us the time and day they are arriving -- and that their airplane tickets are non-refundable.
My husband and I think they are coming on the pretense of spending our son's birthday with him. They have never come to any of our son's birthday parties before, nor have they called him (or us) on birthdays or any other holidays.
We suspect that we are being used as a hotel, and I am concerned their coldness and indifference will hurt our son's feelings.
Abby, there has been tension between my husband and his family and me ever since we got married. My mother-in-law does not respect anyone's privacy. She has been known to walk into rooms and go through cupboards and drawers she has no business going in.
Do we have to let them stay in our house? -- TIRED OF BEING USED
DEAR TIRED: Bear in mind that your in-laws could be coming to try to mend fences. However, you are under no obligation to have anyone under your roof who isn't welcome.
If you're concerned that the tension could be upsetting for your son, suggest that your in-laws stay at a nearby motel. Offer to make the reservations for them. At that point, you'll find out if their plane tickets are truly non-refundable.
DEAR ABBY: I am six months pregnant and will soon create a registry for baby gifts. I am not planning a baby shower, but would like to have the registry available to those who wish to buy gifts.
How do I let friends and family know I have a gift registry without also inviting them to a shower?
Without seeming rude, how can I let people know they can buy me gifts? It seems the only acceptable way to ask for baby gifts is to throw a party and send your registry card along with the invitations. -- MOM-TO-BE
DEAR MOM-TO-BE: To include a gift registry card with an invitation is considered a blatant request for a gift, and any blatant bid for gifts is a breach of etiquette.
Please remember that people don't "owe" you a gift simply because you are about to become a mother. Your friends and family are aware that they may buy you gifts without your having to mention it. Unless you want to appear greedy, say nothing about gifts unless someone asks you what you need for the baby.
DEAR ABBY: When my daughter lived here with her father and me, we always had a hard time getting her to stay home -- even for dinner. Now that she has moved out, she's over here every day, even at mealtimes! Without making her mad or hurting her feelings, how can we tell her she doesn't have to visit every single day? -- HER PARENTS IN NEW JERSEY
DEAR PARENTS: Your predicament illustrates one of life's ironies: As children grow older, they can't wait to assert their independence and leave home. However, adult children who have left home for the first time often go into "economic shock" when they start paying for their own food, utilities, etc.
Speak up and begin putting some limits on your daughter's visits back to the nest. Set up one specific time during the week for dinner or a visit. If you don't begin to draw the line, it may be years before you can enjoy your privacy.
Abby shares her favorite recipes in two booklets: "Abby's Favorite Recipes" and "Abby's More Favorite Recipes." To order, send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 per booklet ($4.50 each in Canada) to: Dear Abby Booklets, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in price.)
Bare Naked Lady Shouldn't Be That Way in Front of Her Son
DEAR ABBY: I am a 33-year-old "Southern boy," raised by strict parents. I have never married, mainly because I'm too picky.
I'm currently dating a single mother of two. She is 29 and has a 10-year-old daughter and a 5-year-old son. I have fallen madly in love with this woman in only a couple of months, and will most likely marry her within the year. We don't live together.
On several occasions, before or after showering or getting dressed, she has walked around her house with no clothes on. Of course, it doesn't bother me to see her naked. This is her home, and she has a right to do as she wishes. The problem I have is that she sees no problem in being naked in front of her son. She even showers with him. I realize this is her child, and she feels comfortable being naked around him. I was not raised this way. When I mentioned it, it caused a little tension. Am I being overly sensitive?
Her son, who will be 6 in December, makes comments and whistles when he sees his mother's naked body. At what age should a parent be covering up in front of the children? Please let me know what you think. -- NEEDS THE NAKED TRUTH IN ATLANTA
DEAR NEEDS: You are not being overly sensitive. The naked truth is that when a child is old enough and aware enough to whistle and make comments about the parent's body, the time has arrived to cover up. And you would be wise to be certain you agree with most of this woman's values before you jump into marriage.
DEAR ABBY: I wish you could find the space in your column to reprint a letter my husband wrote after Memorial Day. It was printed in our local paper. I'm sure our armed services veterans would appreciate it. -- HELEN MANIER, SEDRO WOOLLEY, WASH.
DEAR HELEN: I am pleased to print your husband's eloquent and timely letter. Its message isn't just for veterans -- it's for everyone.
THEY DIED SO YOU CAN VOTE
by David Manier
For many years my emotions have been moved by Memorial Day remembrances and ceremonies. This year was emotional as always, but I was struck by the thought that those who made the supreme sacrifice are being let down by many in this country.
There is a thin line between a government of the people, for the people and by the people, and a governing body that prohibits the governed any means to improve their quality of life. That thin line is the right by free and honest elections to select the persons who govern and represent the citizens. The right to enact or disallow many social or economic changes. That thin line is the right to vote.
The right to vote is extended to selecting the officers of your labor union, religious group, social or fraternal organization. Labor unions and religious freedom are not allowed in a police state or dictatorship.
Hundreds of thousands of armed forces members have died to preserve our government and our right to vote. The citizens of this country who are eligible to vote -- but do not -- commit a grave disservice to those who died in wars defending the United States.
Their deaths should not have been in vain.
DEAR READERS: If you haven't already registered to vote, now is the time to do it. Get moving. Forward -- march!
For everything you need to know about wedding planning, order "How to Have a Lovely Wedding." Send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby, Wedding Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)