What teens need to know about sex, drugs, AIDS, and getting along with peers and parents is in "What Every Teen Should Know." To order, send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby, Teen Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)
Unsupervised Kids in Streets Drive Neighbors to Distraction
DEAR ABBY: My husband and I live in a community outside New Orleans. It is a new residential area with homes that all have nicely fenced back yards. However, when we return from work in the evenings, we encounter toddlers on the streets with their tricycles and abandoned toys -- and the parents are not within three houses of their youngsters. It's an obstacle course.
Frankly, we are sick to death of taking responsibility for the safety of their children. As we pass, the parents give us dirty looks and yell things like, "Watch the kid, will ya!" as we swerve to avoid children who are not old enough to be playing in the street.
We make every effort to drive under the speed limit and are always very careful. However, at least once a week we find ourselves slamming on our brakes to avoid an unsupervised child. When tragedies happen, these parents are quick to place the blame elsewhere.
When I was a child, we were allowed to play only in a fenced yard with a padlock on the gate so we couldn't escape. Or we played in designated play areas with our parents keeping a close eye on us. We were not allowed to ride bicycles on the street until we had been taught road safety and demonstrated the skills and knowledge needed to cycle on public streets without harm.
Thank you for letting me get this off my chest. It felt good to vent. I hope my letter will open the eyes of some parents to reality. -- PAMELA IN SLIDELL, LA.
DEAR PAMELA: So do I. Perhaps this is the time for a public service announcement. Supervision of small children -- who by definition are impulsive and quick -- is a full-time job. It requires one's full attention, particularly if the child is playing in a driveway or on a sidewalk near a street with traffic. Carrying on adult conversations, reading a magazine, running into the house "for just a moment" are distractions that can lead to tragedy in the blink of an eye. Hard work? You bet! But the joys are boundless.
DEAR ABBY: My sister has lived in Europe for most of my son's 9 years. She's 50 and going through a divorce. She is moving back to the United States and now wants to spend more time with my son. She also wants to start a savings account for him to pay part of his school tuition.
I am a single mother raising him alone, and the help would be appreciated. However, my sister does not give freely -- there is a price attached to everything she does. She is manipulative and controlling, and my son doesn't particularly enjoy spending time with her. When she's around, she rarely participates in our life, but expects to be fed and cleaned up after -- the classic "guest" mentality.
While the college fund is something I cannot provide at this time, I don't want to have it held over my head that I or my son "owe" her in some way. Should I take the money and keep quiet for his sake, or say "no thanks"? -- CAN'T DECIDE IN CALIFORNIA
DEAR CAN'T DECIDE: I'm reluctant to decide this question for you. Much depends upon your ability to tolerate her attitude of entitlement. However, feeling as you do, I would be inclined to graciously refuse her kind offer. There will be far fewer hard feelings if you do.
Friends Throw Cancer Patient a Party to Cover Up Her Fears
DEAR ABBY: I experienced such an incredible act of kindness and generosity from my co-workers that I feel compelled to share it.
I was diagnosed with stage three breast cancer just seven months after the death of my lovely, sweet mother from the same disease.
Besides being terrified of the disease, I was terrified of the side effects of chemotherapy, especially the hair loss. I work in a busy cancer center at a large hospital, and I have a lot of patient contact. I have observed firsthand the psychological effects suffered by both men and women.
Abby, two wonderful co-workers came up with an idea to help me. One day at work, they surprised me with a "hat and scarf party." My co-workers and people I barely knew gave me the most beautiful accessories. They bought me different colors and patterns of scarves and hats, things I would never have spent money on for myself. I was overwhelmed by their generosity.
When you are first told the diagnosis, shock overtakes you. After the chemo starts, shopping is difficult because the therapy zaps your energy. My hair loss was very traumatic, but because of my co-workers, I already had a wide selection of hats and scarves at my disposal. I will be eternally grateful.
I hope sharing this story will inspire others to do the same for a family member, friend or co-worker who has cancer. There is so much cancer that I'm sure almost every reader will know someone who must undergo chemotherapy. If you want to help but don't know what to do, cook a meal, help with shopping, offer to do laundry or clean the bathroom, or host a hat/scarf party. I guarantee your kindness will be appreciated and boost the morale of the cancer patient.
Abby, I feel very blessed to work with such caring people, so I would like to thank them through your column. Thank you, friends! -- MICHELLE IN DENVER
DEAR MICHELLE: Bless you, and good luck with your therapy. You are in my prayers, and I hope that your treatment will result in full recovery.
DEAR ABBY: My stepson is 18 and living with my husband and me. He is a high school dropout who has been arrested for criminal mischief and theft. He is now out on bail, running up extremely high phone bills calling girls he meets on the Internet.
After several attempts to get my husband to demonstrate tough love, and being met with deaf ears, I finally took it upon myself to cut off our long-distance service to the house. I provided my husband with a 200-minute phone card so he can still call his daughter in Arizona. He is furious with me for doing this "without consulting him," and says I am a control freak. I simply wanted to send a message to his son. Was I wrong in doing this? –- HAD IT IN TEXAS
DEAR HAD IT: If you are the sole support of the household, then you were within your rights. However, if you both work and share the bills or he brings home the paycheck, you should have discussed your plan with him first.
Perhaps your husband feels guilty for the way his son has turned out, and that's the reason he has failed to take a firm stand with him. This young man is putting your marriage in danger. You and your husband would be doing yourselves a big favor to get marriage counseling –- and family counseling –- until his "boy" is either straightened out or is off to the pokey.
To receive a collection of Abby's most memorable -- and most frequently requested -- poems and essays, send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby's "Keepers," P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)
Scam Artists Take Advantage of Office Work Paper Chase
DEAR ABBY: Reading your column is the first order of business in most companies, so please pass this along. There is a scam going on that rips off businesses big and small:
A phone call comes in, usually from a woman who says, "Hi, this is Patty. What is the serial number on your office copier?" DO NOT GIVE OUT THIS INFORMATION. The scam is, the next thing you know a pallet load of copy paper is delivered. It's very low-grade stuff and very high-priced. The invoice will show the serial number.
Many of these invoices are paid due to the paperwork shuffle. The callers will say, "We're updating our records." If you ask for their telephone number for a callback, they hang up. A new twist is that they phone the Chamber of Commerce in the area for member listings and use that information to appear legit.
The person in the office, usually an inexperienced, low-level clerk, gives the information and gets in trouble.
Please pass this on to your readers. Thank you! –-SHIRLEY HOCKING, BUSINESS OWNER, ALAMEDA, CALIF.
DEAR SHIRLEY: Thank you for the warning. A word to the wise is sufficient.
DEAR ABBY: My youngest daughter was murdered 10 years ago. I carry a poem that I found in a newsletter published by the Kansas City Chapter of Parents of Murdered Children. When the situation arises, I show it to people. It speaks for itself, and has been a godsend for me.
Abby, do you think it would comfort others who have lost loved ones and feel alone? –- MARYANNE HUGHES, COLUMBUS, OHIO
DEAR MARYANNE: I offer my sympathy for the tragic loss of your daughter. Thank you for sending the poem. Printing it may help people to realize that it's not hurtful to talk about a loved one who died –- it's comforting. Read on:
PLEASE ASK
by Barbara Taylor Hudson
Someone asked me about you today.
It's been so long since anyone has done that.
It felt so good to talk about you,
To share my memories of you,
To simply say your name out loud.
She asked me if I minded talking about
What happened to you ...
Or would it be too painful to speak of it.
I told her I think of it every day
And speaking about it helps me to release
The tormented thoughts whirling around in my head.
She said she never realized the pain
Would last this long ...
She apologized for not asking sooner.
I told her, "Thanks for asking."
I don't know if it was curiosity
Or concern that made her ask,
But told her, "Please do it again sometime ...
Soon."
Good advice for everyone -- teens to seniors -- is in "The Anger in All of Us and How to Deal With It." To order, send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby, Anger Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)