DEAR ABBY: My mother-in-law, who lives with us, still clings to the cultural values of the old country and expects everybody to conform to them. This sometimes results in confrontation and ill feelings among family members.
My son, who is 16, frequently brings friends home. Most of the time he remembers to introduce them to the family members, but there are times when he thinks he has already introduced them, so he doesn't.
My mother-in-law gets upset when the young people who show up at home do not acknowledge her. She comes from a culture steeped in values such as respect for elders. She feels these young guests should greet her, or smile at her, and that they have to do it first before she will return the greeting.
Although I value such traditions, in my opinion she does not have to wait. She can initiate the introduction. I told her she should just say hello to them and ask them nonchalantly to introduce themselves. She is adamant that she should be greeted first. I explained that we do not know if these young people are shy, or whether they have not been properly taught by their own parents. None of the kids are overtly rude, either to my mother-in-law or me. Who is right in this instance? -- MODERN MOTHER, CERRITOS, CALIF.
DEAR MODERN MOTHER: I don't know where your mother-in-law hails from, but in our culture it is also proper for young people to defer to older people. Make it clear to your son that when he brings friends to the house, he should make a point of greeting his grandmother and asking if she has met them. If she hasn't, he should introduce them. He should also explain to his friends what kind of behavior is expected from him -- and them.