Abby shares her favorite recipes in two booklets: "Abby's Favorite Recipes" and "Abby's More Favorite Recipes." To order, send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 per booklet ($4.50 each in Canada) to: Dear Abby Booklets, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in price.)
DEAR ABBY: Please reprint the article about abdominal aortic aneurysms (AAA) that appeared in May 1997. It saved my life. My internist had told me I didn't have AAA. However, after reading your column, I insisted on having a sonogram. Much to my doctor's surprise -- there it was. Surgery was performed May 2 of last year. I am fine, thanks to you. -- JOAN FELLA, HUNTINGDON VALLEY, PA.
DEAR JOAN: I'm pleased to reprint it. After that column appeared, I received several letters similar to yours. Read on:
DEAR ABBY: Two years ago, my husband's sister had a sonogram to check for a possible gynecological problem. What the doctor discovered was an abdominal aortic aneurysm that was large enough for mandatory surgery.
Her doctor told her to notify any siblings that they, too, should have a sonogram. The unexpected result of my husband's examination stunned us all. Bill, too, had an abdominal aortic aneurysm!
Bill was monitored for one year, until the aneurysm surged significantly. The operation followed a month later. The doctor's insight about the genetic factor probably saved Bill's life.
Please, Abby, inform your readers that aortic aneurysms are hereditary. If a parent or sibling has had one, then all siblings and offspring should be examined. We have been advised that our son must be tested when he reaches age 50 and should continue to have a sonogram every five years thereafter.
The cause of aneurysms is unknown, although several risk factors -- notably hypertension, smoking and atherosclerosis -- could possibly contribute to their development and growth. They have been found to occur more frequently in males than in females. Abdominal aortic aneurysms are silent and usually deadly if not discovered before they rupture. Ruptures are preventable with continued use of ultrasonography and CT scanning.
I hope my letter will be a red alert to anyone whose family has a history of aneurysms. Check with your doctor. Don't put it off! And physicians who are unaware of this should consider including "family history of aneurysms" on their new patient forms. It could save lives. -- BARBARA AND BILL GOLDSMITH, SAVANNAH, GA.
DEAR BARBARA AND BILL: I'm sure your warning will serve as a wake-up call to anyone who has a family history of aortic aneurysms. And another plus is the fact that the test is painless and non-invasive. Thank you for a letter that is sure to be a lifesaver.
DEAR ABBY: A group of women have played cards for more than 30 years. We play for money and have a jackpot for the person with the lowest score at the end of six games.
The last couple of years -- or maybe longer -- one lady seems to win the jackpot quite often. At the end of every game, we count our own cards, and this one lady keeps score. Most of us know she gives us the wrong count in order to win. She has been given a few "hints."
Should we make new rules and have all the players show their cards? It seems a shame after all these years of enjoying the game. Please advise. -- PUT OUT IN THE MIDWEST
DEAR PUT OUT: That's one way to "deal" with it. Another idea might be for the players to pass their cards to the person on the right to be tallied.
DEAR ABBY: I am a 43-year-old divorcee who recently broke off a two-year relationship with a 50-year-old divorced man. We were dating "steadily" (every night and every weekend), and I thought he was faithful and loved me, as he so frequently declared.
I dropped by unexpectedly a year ago, and I caught a woman hiding in his bedroom closet. Before that, he picked up a girl (a stranger!) at a cafeteria at noon and took her home. I accidentally dropped by that time, too. Then I discovered e-mails he had sent to the closet-girl setting up more meetings. (She would come over before I got off work at 5 each night.) There were also e-mails to other women across the country arranging dates. (He's a pilot.)
Each time I caught him being unfaithful, he'd beg me to forgive his indiscretions. I tried, but I couldn't trust him. His schedule is such that he has lots of free time during the day when I'm at work, so my imagination would run rampant.
He was unfaithful in his marriage, too. I think he has no intention of ever being faithful to one woman, and that tormented me. I loved him more than I've ever loved anyone. Did I do the right thing in ending the relationship? -- CRYING IN MEMPHIS
DEAR CRYING: Absolutely! And you'd also be doing the right thing to schedule an appointment immediately with your doctor to be examined for sexually transmitted diseases.
Your former boyfriend appears to be addicted to sex. Unless he is willing to accept the fact that his behavior is out of control and to get professional help, he cannot be the person you would like him to be.
Now, dry your tears. Get on with your life and be glad that you didn't waste more than two years on this pilot with broken wings and a tarnished halo.
DEAR ABBY: I recently received a promotion at work over someone who had been with the company for a long time. Since then, most of my co-workers have treated me badly. They snub me, gossip, and constantly look for errors in my work they can bring to the supervisor's attention. I thought the supervisor would support me, but she just humors them.
For seven months I have tried to be courteous and nice to them, but they are determined to make my life miserable. One woman in particular is very intimidating. She seems to thrive on generating hostility and bad feelings.
I leave work every day frustrated and with hurt feelings. I don't want to quit, but I am at a loss as to how to handle this. -- JUST DOING MY JOB
DEAR JUST: What you are experiencing may not be pleasant, but it comes with the territory. You can't be in management and be "one of the girls," too. The higher you climb the job ladder, the more of these situations you will encounter and be expected to handle. If you're going to be an effective manager, you must learn to accept it.
There are books and management seminars available. If your immediate supervisor isn't willing to mentor you, perhaps someone else on a supervisory or personnel level would be. Check it out.
For an excellent guide to becoming a better conversationalist and a more attractive person, order "How to Be Popular." Send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby Popularity Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)
Grandma of Adopted Baby Girl Celebrates Her Birth Mother
DEAR ABBY: Please print this so my feelings of love and undying gratitude will reach the young woman who is the birth mother of my new granddaughter.
My daughter and her husband, after years of indescribable pain and disappointment, just went to the hospital to pick up their brand-new baby girl. Their joy and happy tears would warm the coldest of hearts.
I want the birth mother to know that her love, courage and feelings of loss have not been forgotten in our moments of joy. Your baby will know from the beginning that you had choices and you chose to give her life. You performed the most unselfish act I can imagine, and I question if I would have had your strength of character.
Saying thank you seems inadequate. I wish I could put my arms around you and say "I love you," and I hope my new granddaughter inherits your heart and courage. May the rest of your life be blessed as you have blessed ours. -- HAPPY NEW GRANDMOTHER, DALLAS
DEAR HAPPY GRANDMOTHER: I'm sure your letter will warm the hearts of tens of thousands of young mothers who have placed their precious infants for adoption. I'm certain very few of them wanted to give her child away, and the sacrifice was made to ensure the baby had a better future than she could provide.
DEAR ABBY: Three weeks before our wedding day, my fiance canceled our engagement with only a feeble explanation. We had gone together for five years.
What should I do with the bridesmaid dresses (that he paid for), the engraved invitations and my beautiful fitted wedding gown? Would it be tacky to keep it for the future? -- DISAPPOINTED IN PENNSYLVANIA
DEAR DISAPPOINTED: Sometimes good fortune comes disguised as disaster. Under the circumstances, ask the bridesmaids if they would like to keep the dresses. If they decline, give or sell them to a consignment shop -- and, yes, give the money to your ex-fiance. Throw away the invitations, but because you love it, keep your beautiful wedding gown. Have a quality dry cleaner carefully preserve it for a happier wedding day in the future.
DEAR ABBY: I have not seen my problem in your column, so I thought I would write and get your opinion.
"Tony" and I are not married, but we have lived together for more than 15 years. I have always been included in his family's celebrations and have helped them in times of crisis.
Tony's sister died a few months ago. Of course, I attended the funeral. What stuck in my craw was that her relatives -- from parents to nieces and nephews -- were listed as survivors in the obituary, but my name was not included. I am hurt by the omission.
Considering the length of my relationship with Tony, shouldn't I have been named in the obituary? -- LEFT OUT IN MINNEAPOLIS
DEAR LEFT OUT: Regardless of how close a relationship one may have with a relative of the deceased, traditionally only family members are named in the obituary. Technically, you are a friend of the family, not a relative. Sorry.
To order "How to Write Letters for All Occasions," send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby, Letter Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)