To order "How to Write Letters for All Occasions," send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby, Letter Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)
Grandma of Adopted Baby Girl Celebrates Her Birth Mother
DEAR ABBY: Please print this so my feelings of love and undying gratitude will reach the young woman who is the birth mother of my new granddaughter.
My daughter and her husband, after years of indescribable pain and disappointment, just went to the hospital to pick up their brand-new baby girl. Their joy and happy tears would warm the coldest of hearts.
I want the birth mother to know that her love, courage and feelings of loss have not been forgotten in our moments of joy. Your baby will know from the beginning that you had choices and you chose to give her life. You performed the most unselfish act I can imagine, and I question if I would have had your strength of character.
Saying thank you seems inadequate. I wish I could put my arms around you and say "I love you," and I hope my new granddaughter inherits your heart and courage. May the rest of your life be blessed as you have blessed ours. -- HAPPY NEW GRANDMOTHER, DALLAS
DEAR HAPPY GRANDMOTHER: I'm sure your letter will warm the hearts of tens of thousands of young mothers who have placed their precious infants for adoption. I'm certain very few of them wanted to give her child away, and the sacrifice was made to ensure the baby had a better future than she could provide.
DEAR ABBY: Three weeks before our wedding day, my fiance canceled our engagement with only a feeble explanation. We had gone together for five years.
What should I do with the bridesmaid dresses (that he paid for), the engraved invitations and my beautiful fitted wedding gown? Would it be tacky to keep it for the future? -- DISAPPOINTED IN PENNSYLVANIA
DEAR DISAPPOINTED: Sometimes good fortune comes disguised as disaster. Under the circumstances, ask the bridesmaids if they would like to keep the dresses. If they decline, give or sell them to a consignment shop -- and, yes, give the money to your ex-fiance. Throw away the invitations, but because you love it, keep your beautiful wedding gown. Have a quality dry cleaner carefully preserve it for a happier wedding day in the future.
DEAR ABBY: I have not seen my problem in your column, so I thought I would write and get your opinion.
"Tony" and I are not married, but we have lived together for more than 15 years. I have always been included in his family's celebrations and have helped them in times of crisis.
Tony's sister died a few months ago. Of course, I attended the funeral. What stuck in my craw was that her relatives -- from parents to nieces and nephews -- were listed as survivors in the obituary, but my name was not included. I am hurt by the omission.
Considering the length of my relationship with Tony, shouldn't I have been named in the obituary? -- LEFT OUT IN MINNEAPOLIS
DEAR LEFT OUT: Regardless of how close a relationship one may have with a relative of the deceased, traditionally only family members are named in the obituary. Technically, you are a friend of the family, not a relative. Sorry.
Woman Asks How Old Is Too Old When Choosing a Mate
DEAR ABBY: I am in love with a wonderful man who meets all my specifications for a lifetime mate, except one.
He is honest, healthy, good-looking (could pass for 58 to 60), financially secure, generous, very active socially, has a great attitude on life, a great set of friends, we are sexually compatible, and he loves my family and me more than any man ever has.
My problem? He is 70 years old. I am 52. I have told him if he were 58 I would marry him.
I greatly value your opinion. Could I be making the biggest mistake of my life? -- CONFUSED IN SOUTH CAROLINA
DEAR CONFUSED: I don't know if it's the biggest -- but it's certainly in the top 2 percent. You say he's healthy and vigorous -- what could be your fear? If it's that you might be a young widow, consider this: You could marry a younger man with whom you have less in common, but he could keel over tomorrow. None of us has a contract with God.
DEAR ABBY: I know my question is probably one that you have answered many times, but it is still on my mind.
I have met the most amazing guy -- and he's just indescribably delicious. I love him more than anything. From the first moment I saw him, it's been like magic.
I need to know: Is it possible to find true love in your teen-age years? What are the odds? And if so, what is the chance it will last? -- LIZ IN LONG VALLEY, N.J.
DEAR LIZ: Yes, it's possible to find true love in your teen-age years. I did. I was 16 when I met my husband-to-be, Morton Phillips, who was in his freshman year of college. (I didn't find out until later that he was 6 weeks younger than me!) Of course, we waited until we were 21 to be married, and people married younger back then. We've been married 62 years.
Today I advise couples to wait to marry until they have both completed their education. People grow as they mature, and sometimes they grow in different directions. I also urge young women to refrain from marriage until they have acquired enough education to support themselves and their children should they have to, because unfortunately, they often have to.
DEAR ABBY: When my children play outside, their friends ask them for snacks and drinks. While I usually encourage them to share, I simply cannot afford to feed all the neighbors' kids in addition to my own four. How do I say no and still set a good example? -- ON A BUDGET IN NEW HAMPSHIRE
DEAR ON A BUDGET: I'm not sure you should say no. Surely, once in a while you can provide something nutritious to the hungry children without bankrupting yourself. A pitcher of lemonade and a bowl of popcorn or a peanut butter and jelly sandwich is affordable -- and the "fixings" can be purchased in bulk for little money. I hope you'll reconsider your stance in this matter.
What teens need to know about sex, drugs, AIDS, and getting along with peers and parents is in "What Every Teen Should Know." To order, send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby, Teen Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)
DEAR ABBY: The letter from Lowell K. Allen, who served on the submarine "Cato" in World War II, contained some errors. First and foremost, there never was a submarine called the Cato. Also, there is not now, never has and never will be a 20 mm submachine gun. I think the man meant to say a Thompson .45-caliber submachine gun.
He did correctly point out, however, that even the so-called "educated" make mistakes. I spent 30 years in the Navy, 1943-1973, and there are documented cases of deck guns being fired "accidentally." -- J. PAUL SURPREMANT, LCDR U.S. NAVY (RET.), FLORIDA
DEAR PAUL: Thank you and the other readers who pointed out the inaccuracies in that letter. Because of a typographical error at my syndicate, Mr. Allen's ship was referred to as the "Cato." Mr. Allen served on the USS Gato (SS212).
I contacted Mr. Allen, who apologized for incorrectly referring to the gun as a 20 mm submachine gun, and said it was probably a .45-caliber submachine gun as many readers accurately guessed. Also, two initials were transposed in Mr. Allen's rank. He was RMCS, meaning Radio Man, Chief, Senior.
I appreciate the fact that so many people took the time to write and point out the errors. You are all heroes in my book. However, I didn't write that column because I have an "anti-gun agenda." I wrote it because I am anti-gun from the bottom of my heart.
DEAR ABBY: My son, "Marty," and his wife, "Darla," recently spent a week with me in my home. I worked very hard to make their visit enjoyable. One evening I planned a lovely dinner. After we finished, I asked Darla if she would help me clear the table. She looked at me as if I had mortally wounded her -- and walked out of the room!
Later, I approached Marty and told him how upset I was over Darla's behavior. He replied, "This isn't the 1950s, Mom. She doesn't have to help." He also said that Darla was never taught to express appreciation and wasn't raised to do housework. (She didn't lift a finger the entire week.)
That was three weeks ago. I haven't heard a word from them since they left. Was I wrong in asking my daughter-in-law to help? -- UPSET MOM IN FLORIDA
DEAR UPSET: Certainly not. And I hope your son didn't just sit there, since I assume you raised him to lend a hand when there's a job to be done.
You are not going to change Darla. The next time they visit, go to restaurants or buy take-out food and serve it on paper plates.
I hope that when you pay them a visit, they pamper you as you pampered them -- but don't hold your breath. As tempting as it would be not to lift a finger, I know it's not in your DNA to play the helpless houseguest.
CONFIDENTIAL TO MARTHA IN MOBILE: Look carefully before you leap. Experience is the comb life gives you after you've lost your hair.
Good advice for everyone -- teens to seniors -- is in "The Anger in All of Us and How to Deal With It." To order, send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby, Anger Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)