DEAR ABBY: My wife of 57 years, who suffered from Alzheimer's disease, is gone now. I was her caretaker until the day before she passed away. Sometimes she would do things that made me angry and I would raise my voice to her. I knew she was not responsible for her actions.
How I wish that instead of raising my voice, I had given her a big hug and told her, "It's all right." I will regret to my dying day that I didn't show her more love and compassion.
Abby, had I known then how I would feel now, I would have hugged her from the time she woke up until she went to sleep. I would like to tell all those who have a partner or a loved one who is incapacitated to love them and adore them even if they don't appear to respond to your love. Please don't wait until it's too late. -- BROKENHEARTED HUSBAND
DEAR BROKENHEARTED: Caring for a loved one who cannot give back is bound to try anyone's patience. You are only human with limited emotional resources, and that you occasionally raised your voice is not unforgivable. Please forgive yourself. I'm sure your love overshadowed your lapses. You showed her your love by caring for her steadfastly and apparently lovingly.
Today, it is understood that full-time caregiving can stress people to the breaking point, and caregivers are encouraged to take a break now and then to replenish their souls. Caregivers can be more effective if they can get away for a rest. Services to caregivers are available; the Alzheimer's Association is an excellent resource.
Perhaps others who are now in the situation you were in could benefit from your experience. You might consider volunteering with your local Alzheimer's group.