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Gifts for Teachers Should Be Tokens of Students' Affection
DEAR ABBY: Recently your column dealt with suggestions from readers about the best kinds of gifts to give classroom teachers. Unfortunately, one of the responses ("Avid Reader, Winter Haven, Fla.") contained inaccurate information about the policy in our local school district.
The Polk County School Board has never prohibited students from giving gifts to teachers. Whether the gift is an apple, a restaurant gift certificate, a handmade craft, a stack of school supplies or a bottle of perfume, I think we all recognize that the true gift is the love exchanged between teacher and child. These gifts are merely tokens of affection for the teacher, and our teachers accept them gracefully and appreciatively, regardless of their monetary value.
The only restriction in our policy prohibits employees from accepting gifts from vendors and suppliers. Thank you for helping us correct this inaccuracy. -- FRANCES MC MICHAEL, COMMUNITY RELATIONS DIRECTOR, SCHOOL BOARD OF POLK COUNTY, FLA.
DEAR FRANCES: You're welcome. However, I must confess that when I printed the letter from "Avid Reader," I thought the policy described in the letter was sound, sensitive and well-thought-out -- not to mention a relief to poor families who are unable to compete in the area of gift-giving.
Teachers deserve to receive respect all year long for the hard work they do. They also deserve thanks for a job well done and to be paid salaries they can live on so they may provide for their families and their retirement. However, I'm not sure that student gift-giving is appropriate, since not all of them can comfortably do so.
DEAR ABBY: I know that you are an animal lover, and that each year you warn your readers not to leave their pets locked in enclosed vehicles because they can quickly die from heat stroke. But this year would you also add this important message?
Dehydration is a slow, painful death. Outdoor animals need open, fresh water constantly available in order to avoid dehydration. (In the winter when water often freezes, we also carry warm water to all of our outside livestock three times a day.) This includes: dogs, cats, rabbits, geese, goats, horses and cattle.
Please, Abby, don't ask -- TELL your readers to get out there and water their pets, or to find them a better home. -- SUNNY IN SPRINGFIELD, MASS.
DEAR SUNNY: I agree -- your letter contains an important message to pet owners. I hope they read it and heed it.
DEAR ABBY: I recently found out that my husband of two years met a girl on a bus trip. He had been e-mailing her for almost two months.
I confronted him, and he promised me that he loved me and wanted only me. He swore that nothing had happened between them. However, in the e-mails that he had sent her, he told her about a fight we had -- and he said things that could be interpreted to mean he wanted to have an affair with her.
She lives in Oregon not far from where we live. Should I be worried, or should I take his word for it and let it go? He promised he wouldn't e-mail her anymore or have any contact with her. -- HURT IN EVERETT, WASH.
DEAR HURT: If I were you, I'd keep a sharp eye on him. Talk is cheap. Divorces are expensive -- and not just monetarily.
DEAR ABBY: I read your column every day and appreciate the forum you provide for people to reach a large audience in an objective and effective way. I witnessed something the other day that could cause financial harm, and I feel your readers should be warned to be more careful.
My family had lunch in a busy fast-food restaurant. Seated at a table next to us was a gentleman conducting business over his cell phone. Since the restaurant was busy and loud, he raised his voice to be heard on the phone. Abby, he gave his credit card number, the expiration date, the name on the credit card and which credit card he was using! Anyone could have written that information down and used it for his or her own purposes.
Please warn your readers to be careful about giving out private information where it can be overheard. -- CONCERNED IN ANAHEIM
DEAR CONCERNED: Consider them warned. A lapse of judgment like that can wreak havoc on one's financial history. Readers, beware -- you never know who might be listening.
DEAR ABBY: I have been involved with a man since last November. I have opened up every aspect of my life and my home to him. Because of his work, he travels quite a bit, and while he is gone, he doesn't stay in contact. As long as he is "working" out of town, he won't call. When he returns, he calls to let me know. Sometimes days -- or even weeks -- have gone by without any word from him.
I'm at the end of my rope. I have tried explaining to him on several occasions how this makes me feel; nothing has helped. My friends tell me to lose him, but I really love the guy. Short of exploding on him the next time he calls, what should I do? -- SLEEPLESS IN OKLAHOMA
DEAR SLEEPLESS: Exploding won't help. Distancing yourself might.
He knows how you feel about his disappearing act. By not calling, he is giving you an unmistakable message: out of sight, out of mind. Although you have "opened up every aspect of your life and home" to him, he has not reciprocated.
Your friends may be on to something. Lose this loser. He will never make you happy.
DEAR ABBY: I could not agree more with your advice to "Had It in Houston" regarding the unruly neighbor child. The girl's neglectful parents would send her over "uninvited and unwanted" whenever they saw the family outdoors together.
I encountered a similar situation. This is how I handled it. I told the child, "Honey, your face is dirty -- let me wash it," or, "Honey, we don't speak to one another like that, we say this ..." or, "Sweetheart, if you cannot obey the rules here, you will have to go home now. I'm sorry." Or, "It's time for you to go home now. We'll see you tomorrow."
Abby, "Houston" must realize that this is a child, not an adult guest. Different rules apply. Also, what goes in their ears comes out of their mouths -- so use your firm, kind, gentle voice. -- EVERYBODY'S MOM, EL CAJON, CALIF.
DEAR MOM: You're a generous and caring woman. Having read your letter, I can only conclude that "everybody" is lucky to have an adult like you in their lives.
For an excellent guide to becoming a better conversationalist and a more attractive person, order "How to Be Popular." Send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby Popularity Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)
Baseball Dad Who Drives Drunk Throws His Friend a Curveball
DEAR ABBY: A friend of mine recently drove my son home from baseball practice. When I met him in the driveway, he looked, sounded and smelled like he'd been drinking. I was so surprised I didn't say anything to him until several days later. I was also not positive my suspicion was correct since I talked to him for only a minute.
When I did ask if he was feeling OK that day (I didn't want to accuse him outright of drunk driving), he explained that he had been coming down with the flu and "wasn't himself" that day.
Now I don't know what to believe. I know he has a DUI on his record. It worries me to think he may have been under the influence, yet I have never actually seen him drink. I know he has strict rules against drinking in front of children, and I know he didn't drink at the Little League practice, but I'm still uncomfortable with the whole situation.
I have been making up excuses why I have been driving my son since then, but it's difficult not telling him the truth since practice is on his way home from work. Should I tell him the truth about my suspicions? Our sons are best of friends, and I'm afraid it would ruin our friendship. -– IN A QUANDARY IN CALIFORNIA
DEAR IN A QUANDARY: People who are coming down with the flu do not reek of alcohol. Your son's safety must come first. Under no circumstances should you allow him to ride with anyone you suspect of having a drinking problem. If your friend asks you why you no longer want him to drive your son home from Little League practice, be honest and do not mince words. It's your duty as a parent to protect your child, and that's far more important than sparing this person's feelings.
DEAR ABBY: My wife has recently started going out late at night, around 2 a.m., after the kids and I are asleep. She says she can't sleep. She also says that since she's home all day with the kids, it's the only time she can see some of her friends. I feel this is wrong, but she says it's no big deal.
Abby, this is tearing our marriage apart. When I talk to her about this, she says I'm trying to control her. Is she right? Is that what I'm trying to do? -- FRUSTRATED IN OREGON
DEAR FRUSTRATED: No. Rather than trying to control her, you are trying to save a marriage that's in big trouble. Who could she possibly be hanging out with at that hour? A colony of bats?
You would have to have bats in your belfry to allow this to continue. You and your wife are overdue for marriage counseling. Don't put it off.
DEAR ABBY: In your response to "Incensed in Wyoming," who complained that people give her unsolicited advice about having more children, you told her to say, "Our factory is closed." Abby, you failed to give her the rest of the saying. It's "Our factory is closed, but the playground is still open." -- HAVING FUN IN LANSING, MICH.
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