What teens need to know about sex, drugs, AIDS, and getting along with peers and parents is in "What Every Teen Should Know." To order, send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby, Teen Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)
Tale of Toddler's Tumble Is Word to the Wise for Parents
DEAR ABBY: Yesterday I treated a 2-year-old who had fallen three stories out the window of his suburban home. I was moved by the little fellow's plight, and the obvious emotional and physical effects of the trauma. For me it was deja vu because eight years ago, my darling nephew, who lived just across the road from me, did the same thing. He fell two stories to the back yard below.
On my way home yesterday, I mentioned the small sky diver to a neighbor. To my astonishment, she informed me that another neighbor had a near miss recently with her 2-year-old. Mom caught her just as the little one popped a second-story screen out of the window.
Abby, I don't know how often this happens, but I have a feeling it's a growing problem. Many modern suburban homes have tall windows that start just a few inches above the floor. A 2-year-old is too young to realize the risk, but heavy enough to lean against a window screen and dislodge it.
In my family's case, the child's mom thought she'd open the window just enough to let some fresh air into his room while he napped. Unfortunately, he woke quietly and fooled with the window screen while his mother thought the baby was safely sleeping.
All three children survived, but I am truly concerned. Please warn parents. -- DR. ANN KOSA, CHIROPRACTOR, ALPHARETTA, GA.
DEAR DR. KOSA: Stories of children falling out of windows are becoming more common. Parents and caregivers should never assume screens are so securely attached that they will support the weight of a small child. Parents who can afford it would be wise to install interior "decorative" guardrails at the base of windows. An exuberant child doesn't have to fall two stories to be injured. The glass itself could be a hazard.
DEAR ABBY: I am 14 and a serious martial artist. I am depressed because I lost a fight at the state championships. Everyone said I was going to sweep all the medals, but I lost. I tried and tried -- I fought with everything I had. But I couldn't avoid my opponent's kicks.
Everyone now looks at me like I'm a loser. Maybe I lost because I'm inexperienced, because it was my first tournament. Or maybe I just don't have what it takes to be a winner. I lost my will and confidence, and this little voice keeps telling me I'm a loser and don't deserve to fight anyone because I'm nothing.
Is it possible to become better at something even though you think you're at the peak of your ability? -- DEPRESSED TEEN IN THE DESERT
DEAR TEEN: Certainly! No one reaches the top without having failed -- usually more than once. Everyone has setbacks. We often learn more from our failures than our successes.
Consider yourself a champion in the making. Look back over the tournament, see what your weaknesses are, and work on correcting them. One loss does not a loser make. The trait that makes a champion is perseverance. Don't give up. Continue striving to be the best you can be, and you'll climb the ladder of success.
A HAPPY FOURTH TO MY READERS. What a great country we live in. In the words of an Irving Berlin song, "God Bless America."
Please celebrate this holiday safely, with joy and gratitude to our forefathers, our military, and all of those who work to keep this the land of the free and the home of the brave.
CONFIDENTIAL TO MY WOMB-MATE: Happy birthday, Sissy!
Second Graders Are Spellbound by Grandpa's Stories of Youth
DEAR READERS: Mail still continues to arrive regarding the 80-year-old talkaholic. People identified strongly with that letter. Read on:
DEAR ABBY: Take this storyteller to any grammar school, rest home or veterans hospital. The list is endless.
Our 7-year-old grandson invited Grandpa to visit his second-grade classroom and tell them about growing up on a ranch and being a real cowboy. The children hung on my husband's every word. (Grandpa also brought relics to show.) Our 10-year-old grandson was green with envy and quickly asked Grandpa to visit his classroom -- another success.
Rotary, church and civic groups all ask this natural storyteller to reminisce when a scheduled speaker fails to appear. They know Russ remembers details about the development of our area's water, roads, subdivisions, politics -- even though he may not recall today's date.
These "talkaholics" are a national treasure. Please urge your readers to utilize these people. They have the time, plus priceless memories to share with all age groups. -- TALKAHOLIC'S PROUD WIFE IN SAN DIEGO
DEAR PROUD WIFE: You're right. Our seniors are a precious resource, and like our other national resources they should not be ignored because they cannot last forever. Read on:
DEAR ABBY: That 80-year-old gentleman's family might suggest to him that a written account of his youth is needed because his experiences are far too important to lose. These stories should be recorded for future generations.
If for some reason he's unable to record them himself, enlist the help of another family member -- perhaps a grandchild -- to record those stories and preserve those precious memories. If necessary, use a tape recorder or video camera.
I would treasure such an account. The older you get, the more interesting are the lives of family members who came before you. Every life has experiences, both good and bad, that are worth preserving. Someday, an enterprising family member might want to combine all the accounts into a book. Wouldn't you love to have such an account of your family? I would! -- CURIOUS ABOUT GRAMPS, SLIDELL, LA.
DEAR CURIOUS: Yes, I would. Unfortunately, my parents -- and many other relatives -- were reluctant to discuss in detail what life was like in Russia before they immigrated to the United States. Those stories are forever lost to me. Read on:
DEAR ABBY: Older people tell us the world as they see it. The stories they relate may be entertaining, teach a moral, involve an old trauma they are trying to work through, or be part of the significance of their lives or relationships. These stories are pure gold.
Ask for details about how things looked, when it happened, who else they knew at the time, where their brothers, sisters and parents were when it happened, what foods they served and what music was popular. If you're tired of a particular story, ask lots of questions. Help them remember another story you haven't heard -- anything they might recall that could have taken place in their lives.
I wish my father, aunts and uncles would have allowed me to tape-record their stories, but none would. Perhaps they were ashamed of their accents. They are all dead now. How I wish I could enjoy them just once more. -- ARLYNN GRIMM, LIVERMORE, CALIF.
DEAR ARLYNN: Hold a good thought. If you believe in an afterlife, your wish will come true.
Good advice for everyone -- teens to seniors -- is in "The Anger in All of Us and How to Deal With It." To order, send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby, Anger Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)
Family Discord Is Brewing After Grandpa Serves Beer
DEAR ABBY: I have a problem with my father-in-law. When my husband, our two young sons and I visit his parents out of state several times a year, my father-in-law gives my sons beer.
My husband has talked to his father several times and told him that alcohol is an adult drink, and the boys may not drink it with our approval until they are 21. My in-laws are both big drinkers, and when we mention it they act offended.
Last weekend, my father-in-law gave our 19-month-old several sips of beer. I kept quiet because my husband's 90-year-old grandfather was visiting, and I didn't want him to feel uncomfortable. (I didn't think my father-in-law would listen to me anyway.)
I've told my husband that it is disrespectful for his dad to continue giving our kids something when we've asked them not to. My husband's response is, "I've asked him to stop, but I don't want to say anything else about it because I don't want to 'make any waves.'" He is always making excuses for his dad, even when he called our firstborn an "ugly monkey."
My husband got upset when I told him that the kids and I would not attend any more family gatherings for a while.
Am I being irrational? Should I continue to let my father-in-law give my children alcohol even though it is against my beliefs? Help! -- ANGRY ARIZONA MOM
DEAR MOM: Providing alcohol to minors is against the law. Under no circumstances should you permit your father-in-law to give your children sips of alcoholic beverages. Alcohol is an acquired taste, and this could create a dependency that could lead to disastrous results in later years.
It is your and your husband's responsibility as parents to protect your children from harm, and alcohol is harmful to children. If you permit them to be given such drinks for fear of making waves or making others uncomfortable should you protest, your priorities are misplaced. Should it mean keeping your children from visiting their grandparents in order to protect them, then so be it.
DEAR ABBY: I have two ideas for "Steamed in Minnesota," who has uninvited "moochers" show up on weekend afternoons, loaf around until dinnertime and expect to get a free meal.
One: Don't serve dinner, crackers or refreshments of any kind. Just sit around, be polite, wait it out, and don't act hungry. (Think of it as playing "chicken" over chicken!)
Two: A couple of hours before these moochers expect to be given a free meal, announce that earlier in the day you made dinner reservations at the "Fantastico Room" at the "Ritzy Hotel" -- and if they call now, you are sure they can get a table near yours. -- PREVENT MOOCHERS IN THE MIDWEST
DEAR PREVENT: Your solutions are creative, but some of these loafers are pros at the game. So, one: Be prepared to starve; and two: If they call your bluff, be sure to ask the servers at the "Ritzy Hotel" for separate checks!
NOT CONFIDENTIAL TO MORT PHILLIPS: Happy anniversary. Every night is New Year's Eve and every day is Thanksgiving since you married me. Thank you for making me the luckiest woman alive.
For an excellent guide to becoming a better conversationalist and a more attractive person, order "How to Be Popular." Send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby Popularity Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)