DEAR ABBY: I returned unexpectedly from work to find my husband and my best friend in an intimate embrace. Later my husband confirmed that he had kissed her. I have not heard from my friend since this occurred a week ago.
My question is this: Do you think I should confront her about this? My husband swears it was a one-time thing, and I guess I believe him. My friend and my husband were also friends. Over the years, I have watched them grow quite close, even to the point that I was uncomfortable with their affection.
I guess I should have been more observant, but like most women married more than 10 years, I trusted my husband completely. What a fool I was! This "one kiss" has shattered my self-confidence and damaged my marriage, not to mention that I have lost a friendship that spanned my entire married life.
I want to believe my husband, but I also want to know if I am living a lie or if this marriage is worth saving. She may be the answer. What should I do? -- BETRAYED AND FRIENDLESS, NORFOLK, VA.
DEAR BETRAYED: By all means have a heart-to-heart chat with your former best friend. It might be helpful to hear what she has to say. Keep in mind, however, that if she's in love with your husband, she could try to use the conversation to sabotage your marriage.
Whether or not your marriage is worth saving can best be determined through counseling with your husband. It will take effort on the part of both of you, but other marriages have weathered this kind of storm and have emerged stronger than ever.
DEAR ABBY: May I add my experience to the letter from "Disgusted in Indiana," who believes that it's sacrilegious to list pets in obituaries as survivors of a loved one? I couldn't disagree more. I find it obscene to have to include someone who didn't live up to the part.
My husband and I were married more than 30 years. He was very good to his mother. She didn't return the favor. She mostly took from him. I watched her divorce herself from anything distasteful. My husband was diagnosed with cancer, and although he fought it with all his might, there came the terrible time when the doctor told me he would not survive. I had to tell my mother-in-law, who quite matter-of-factly told me she didn't want to see him but wished to remember him "the way he was." She never saw or talked to him again.
I brought him home so he could pass away there. Our pets never turned away from him, but gave him great joy. His mother could have done the same, but didn't. I wanted his obituary to include those he loved and those who loved him back. It never occurred to me not to include our pets. I felt obligated to include his mother strictly because she was his mother, not because she deserved to be included. -- MOURNING IN CALIFORNIA
DEAR MOURNING: Please accept my sympathy for the loss of your beloved husband. That he could not have the comfort of his mother's presence and support as he lay dying was a tragedy for both of them.
Please try to forgive her. While I understand your anger and disgust at the woman, she deserves your sympathy. She's a woman who's unable to cope with the realities of life, and apparently her fear of death is so profound that she preferred living in a fantasy to seeing her child through to the end.
Abby shares her favorite recipes in two booklets: "Abby's Favorite Recipes" and "Abby's More Favorite Recipes." To order, send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 per booklet ($4.50 each in Canada) to: Dear Abby Booklets, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in price.)
4520 Main St., Kansas City, MO 64111; (816) 932-6600