DEAR ABBY: My family needs your help to solve a serious problem that is causing hard feelings. My wife's cousin, who is from a middle-class family, is being married this summer. He and the bride are planning a large wedding, and we were told the invitations will state "formal attire."
Abby, very few, if any, of the guests own formal attire, and family members feel the dress code is rude and inconsiderate. It creates an expense we should not have to bear to attend the wedding.
I also need to know if we will be expected to purchase a gift for the couple if we go to the expense of buying formal attire. It seems to us that our presence in expensive formal attire should be present enough. What should the family do about attending the wedding with this restriction on the attire of the guests? -- CONFUSED IN OVERLAND PARK, KAN.
DEAR CONFUSED: The cost of attire is not a substitute for a wedding gift. If you rent or buy formal wear and attend, you should stretch your budget far enough to get the couple at least a token gift. However, if attending a formal wedding will create a financial hardship, send the couple your very best wishes on this happy occasion, along with your regrets for skipping the ceremony.