For an excellent guide to becoming a better conversationalist and a more attractive person, order "How to Be Popular." Send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby Popularity Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)
Cycling Safety Tips Will Keep Summer Safe for All
DEAR ABBY: Summer is upon us, and millions of fellow cyclists across the country will once again be out on the roads. I personally ride around 4,000 miles a year in training, and thought I'd offer a few tips.
Many drivers mistakenly believe that cyclists have no rights on public roads and feel compelled to "teach them a lesson," deliberately endangering their lives.
The fact is, a bicycle is classified as a vehicle on the public roads in all 50 states.
Tips for drivers:
1. Don't get too close. Cyclists want to be left alone. Cyclists are NOT required to ride on the shoulder, on the sidewalk or 2 inches from the edge of the road.
2. Don't pass a cyclist and then slow down, stop or turn in front of him. Sometimes we are going as fast as you are.
3. Don't honk. You're likely to startle an inexperienced cyclist or a child and cause him or her to fall.
Tips for cyclists:
1. Wear a helmet.
2. Make eye contact with drivers. Make sure they see you.
3. Ride on the right side of the road.
4. Obey traffic laws.
5. Signal turns. Point left or right.
6. Ride in a straight line and don't block traffic.
7. Carry a cell phone. You might need it to get help for yourself or a stranded motorist.
Thanks, Abby. The life you save by printing this may be my own -- or thousands of others! -- A FITNESS CYCLIST FOR 40 YEARS
DEAR FITNESS: If printing your letter saves just one life, it is well worth the space in this column. I hope all motorists and cyclists -- of all ages and levels of experience -- will take your advice.
DEAR ABBY: This is in response to the letter from Sharon Lewandowski, whose godson committed suicide. I absolutely support her message to encourage those in need to seek help. Yet I am moved to make another important point:
People nowadays are so busy that they don't always keep in touch with family and loved ones as they should. We should reach out and let people know we're thinking of them from time to time, regardless of whether they are in need or not.
All it takes is a card or phone call to say, "Hi! I'm thinking of you -- just wanted to know how you're doing." This contact from others can encourage those in need to reach out, and it can help us all feel more loved and less alone.
Please, remind your readers to take the time to keep in touch. It can make a huge difference in someone's life. -- BARBARA A. HART, POWDER SPRINGS, GA.
DEAR BARBARA: That valuable message is one we cannot be reminded of too often, especially since it's not always known to us that someone is experiencing what feels like insurmountable problems. Consistent, casual contact can provide comfort that may be desperately needed. And you're right, Barbara -- we all benefit from staying in touch!
Weight Loss Marketing Hits Above and Below the Belt
DEAR ABBY: My mother, who lives in California, recently received a page torn from a newspaper with a handwritten note attached that said, "Jenny, try it. It works!" It was a full-page ad for a weight-loss product.
My husband's "Aunt Ethel," who lives in Ohio, got the same thing with her name handwritten on it. Neither of the notes had a signature.
Both my mother and Aunt Ethel thought it was an attack from an acquaintance or family member who didn't have the courage to sign a name. They were deeply hurt.
Luckily, when we heard that they both got the exact same ad, we figured out that it was a sleazy marketing scam.
Abby, please inform your readers about this advertising technique. I'm sure many other people have been hurt by it, and they should be made aware that the ads have not been sent by an insensitive "friend." It's terrible that a company would hurt someone to promote its product. This type of marketing should be exposed for what it is. -- CONCERNED IN CHESAPEAKE, VA.
DEAR CONCERNED: I'm familiar with that kind of advertising. One of my staff, who has a weight problem to contend with, has received the same ad on more than one occasion. However, because of a column I wrote on this same subject a few years ago, she recognized the marketing tactic for what it was and tossed it immediately. We suspect that some of the plus-sized clothing companies that market their clothing through catalogs sell their customer lists.
Readers, should you receive one of these ads, don't jump to the conclusion that someone is chastising you for your weight. And, if the product seems too good to be true, it probably is. Don't fall for false advertising.
DEAR ABBY: I have been seeing this girl for almost six months, and she means the world to me, but I get so upset when plans we make fall through.
The other night I suggested going to a movie, and later when I called to see if she wanted to go, she said she was just going to hang out at home and take it easy. I understand why and everything, but for some reason this extreme anger builds up inside me, and I end up being silent, and she knows I'm upset. The same thing happens if she gets called in to work -- she's a server, and if she gets offered a good shift (Friday or Saturday), then she's going to take it unless we have some major plans.
I totally understand why she needs to do this stuff (she's a part-time student as well), but it still doesn't prevent me from getting angry. I really care for this girl, and I don't want to do anything to hurt her in any way, but I can't seem to control these feelings. They subside after about half an hour, but by then I have already upset her.
Do you know of anything I can do to control my feelings -- maybe count to 100 before I say something? -- ANGRY IN OTTAWA
DEAR ANGRY: Actions are controllable; feelings less so. Learning to understand your feelings would be a step in the right direction, because your anger comes from hurt. Some sessions with a psychologist to probe into why you take normal changes of plans so personally might provide insight. Most people react with disappointment to such occurrences, not with extreme anger.
In the meantime, instead of counting to 100, remind yourself that people run away from those who pout, sulk and make others uncomfortable by applying the silent treatment.
Good advice for everyone -- teens to seniors -- is in "The Anger in All of Us and How to Deal With It." To order, send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby, Anger Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)
These Guidelines Will Help if You're Stopped by Police
DEAR ABBY: I'd like to respond to the recent letter from the woman with three college-age children, all of whom drive. She said she was concerned about their responses should they get pulled over by police.
As a police officer for 15 years, I recommend the following guidelines for anyone who is pulled over by the police:
(1) Shut off the engine and remain inside your car unless the officer requests that you exit.
(2) Have your license, registration and insurance card in a convenient location so they are easily accessible. Fumbling around inside your car for "lost or missing" paperwork should be kept to a minimum.
(3) Keep your hands on the steering wheel and avoid making moves that could be interpreted as sudden or threatening.
(4) In the event other passengers are riding with you, ask them to refrain from making comments.
(5) If the stop is at night and it's possible, pull over in a well-lighted area. Remember, we are humans, and we get nervous, too!
(6) Turn on the interior light and keep it on in order for the officer to see inside your car. It shows that you are concerned for your safety as well as ours.
(7) Do not argue with the officer. If you are treated unfairly, get the officer's name and badge number. You can follow up by notifying the officer's superior and filing a complaint against him or her. -- SGT. GISELLE DOSZPOJ, BRIDGEPORT, CONN.
DEAR SGT. DOSZPOJ: Thank you for your sensible suggestions, which are far more inclusive than mine. You are not the only law enforcement person who responded to that letter. Read on:
DEAR ABBY: As a retired police officer, I assure you that you were right on the money when reminding readers of the danger of law enforcement. There are not many jobs in America where one goes to work every day mentally exercising his or her action if confronted with an armed individual during the shift. Police live with this possibility and repress any fear in order to concentrate on the task at hand. I don't recommend a shift filled with paranoia any more than I recommend complacency.
Nationally, the year 1974 holds the record for the most officer deaths, at 230. The annual average in the 1970s was 222 deaths, the 1980s about 187 deaths and the 1990s at 153 deaths per year. A fair estimate of the intentional murder of officers is about 55 percent of the figures you see above. A large percentage of them occurred on America's roadways. There is no acceptable number of police fatalities, as there is none for civilian fatalities. -- BEEN THERE, DONE THAT IN TENNESSEE
DEAR BEEN THERE: I have tremendous respect for those who put on their uniforms every day, kiss their husbands or wives and children goodbye, and live with the reality that it could be for the last time. Read on:
DEAR ABBY: While I agree that law enforcement is a thankless and often hazardous occupation, the fact remains that police officers are professionals and should be held to professional standards of behavior. All citizens, including the young, have a right to expect courteous and professional treatment from the police -- and it certainly is unprofessional for a police officer to "yell at and ridicule" a teen-age girl for trembling in his presence.
We should never simply accept such conduct as the way things are. It is up to us to demand higher standards, better training and higher salaries for our police officers, and to report discourteous officers to the appropriate authorities. It is an uphill battle, but one worth fighting if we want to remain in a free society. -- M.B., TRAVELERS REST, S.C.
DEAR M.B.: I agree wholeheartedly.
What teens need to know about sex, drugs, AIDS, and getting along with peers and parents is in "What Every Teen Should Know." To order, send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby, Teen Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)