Abby shares her favorite recipes in two booklets: "Abby's Favorite Recipes" and "Abby's More Favorite Recipes." To order, send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 per booklet ($4.50 each in Canada) to: Dear Abby Booklets, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in price.)
Screening for Prostate Cancer Will Help Dads Stay Healthy
DEAR ABBY: You suggested that we all give our mothers a mammogram for Mother's Day. May I also suggest that we give our fathers a prostate cancer screening for Father's Day?
Prostate cancer is the second-leading cancer cause of death among American males, the first being lung cancer. A man's chance of getting prostate cancer exceeds a woman's chance of getting breast cancer. According to the American Cancer Society, a woman's chance of developing invasive breast cancer from birth to death is 12.56 percent, while a man's chance of developing invasive prostate cancer is 15.91 percent. In both diseases, early detection is the key to survival.
Abby, this information must be given to all men and the women who love them. -- MAYNARD BERKOWITZ, MINDEN, NEV.
DEAR MAYNARD: You're right; men should be screened for cancer, too. According to the American Cancer Society (ACS), in this year alone 180,400 men will be diagnosed with prostate cancer. May I add that, in addition to prostate cancer, males should be encouraged also to be checked for breast cancer. Although they may not realize it, they, too, are at risk for breast cancer.
The ACS has designated June as Prostate Cancer Awareness month. So, sons, daughters and wives, in addition to the cologne, neckties and fishing gear you've given for Father's Day, consider a post-Father's Day gift of chipping in on Dad's cancer screenings. It could be the gift of a lifetime.
For more information contact the ACS at (800) 227-2345, or visit the Web site at www.cancer.org. The Web site offers a free program called Man to Man, where specially trained prostate cancer survivors offer support to newly diagnosed patients. It also has an interactive section where people who have questions about prostate cancer can e-mail oncology nurses who provide answers and referrals.
DEAR ABBY: My 64-year-old sister, who lives with my 87-year-old mother in Mom's house (and is partly subsidized by Mom), is verbally abusive and disrespectful to her. If Dad were still alive, she would not dare to act this way.
Recently my sister had the gall to say to Mom, "I'll probably die before you do -- and all of the money will go to my sister!" In other words, she's telling our mother to give her money now or hurry up and die. (My sister's health is OK.)
They won't listen to me, but they both read your column. Could you please publish your opinion? With thanks from ... SIBLING OF A SERPENT-TONGUED SISTER IN CALIFORNIA
DEAR SISTER: You didn't mention how your sister and your mother normally get along, or whether your mother is usually able to give as good as she gets. However, from my perspective your sister made a very hostile remark. If your mother is considering parting with money, perhaps it should be spent for some counseling sessions for her live-in daughter. It would be better than spending it to hire a food taster.
A Son Remembers His Father in Tribute to Dads Everywhere
DEAR ABBY: After my dad died several years ago, I wrote a tribute to him. My friends, some of them former Marines like me, said it expressed what they felt and remembered about their fathers.
I seldom see published tributes by sons to their fathers. Perhaps it's not macho to write such poems. If you feel this amateurish effort should be shared with others, I'd be honored to see it in your column on Father's Day. -- WILLIAM W. BARTSCH JR., KINGS PARK, N.Y.
DEAR WILLIAM: You have written a beautiful tribute, and I'm pleased to share it with my readers on this holiday. Read on:
REMEMBERING DAD
A soft scratch of whiskers pressed on my face,
Bear-hugging squeezes
A rough gentle grace.
Running and racing, letting me win,
Falling asleep
My cheek on his chin.
The strong smell of work, of tools and of sweat,
Of dust and of rust
I'll never forget.
After-shave lotion, paint cans and pails,
Tie clips and cufflinks,
Galvanized nails.
Basements and attics, out-of-date ties,
Oceans and rivers
Fished at sunrise.
Whiskers grew grayer, yet scratched just the same,
And wrinkles were etched
On a more fragile frame.
Oh, how I long for that rough-whiskered kiss,
That sweet scratch of love
So dearly I miss.
DEAR ABBY: Raising children takes patience and a lot of humor. I'm passing this tongue-in-cheek tribute to fathers along to you hoping that you will print it for Father's Day. -- A FRIEND IN IRVINE, CALIF.
DEAR FRIEND: It is both humorous and touching, and oh, so true. I'm pleased to share it:
A TRIBUTE TO FATHERS
My father when I was age ...
4: My daddy can do anything.
5: My daddy knows a whole lot.
6: My dad is smarter than your dad.
8: My dad doesn't exactly know everything.
10: In the olden days when my dad grew up, things were sure different.
12: Oh, well naturally, Father doesn't know anything about that. He is too old to remember his childhood.
14: Don't pay attention to my father. He is so old-fashioned!
21: Him? My Lord, he's hopelessly out-of-date.
25: Dad knows a little bit about it, but then he should because he has been around so long.
30: Maybe we should ask Dad what he thinks. After all, he's had a lot of experience.
35: I'm not doing a single thing until I talk to Dad.
40: I wonder how Dad would have handled it. He was so wise and had a world of experience.
50: I'd give anything if Dad were here now so I could talk this over with him. Too bad I didn't appreciate how smart he was. I could have learned a lot from him.
-- ANONYMOUS
To receive a collection of Abby's most memorable -- and most frequently requested -- poems and essays, send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby's "Keepers," P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)
College Student Living at Home Can't Escape Smothering Mom
DEAR ABBY: I am a 19-year-old college freshman living at home. I can't afford to move out, but my mother is driving me crazy!
If I didn't resist, she would take my hand and lead me through the rest of my life. She still tries to pick all of my friends and make every single decision for me. Worst of all, she comes looking for me to see if I'm where I'm supposed to be, and who I am talking to.
Don't get me wrong, I love my mom. I don't know how I would have made it this far without her. But how can I get through to her that I want to be my own person, and it's time to "let me go"? -- HAD IT WITH MOM
DEAR HAD IT: Your mother loves you, but she is carrying it too far. Show her one of my favorite poems from "The Prophet" by Khalil Gibran. It has helped more than a few overly protective parents "let go."
ON CHILDREN
"Your children are not your children. They are the sons and daughters of life's longing for itself. They come through you but not from you, and though they are with you, yet they belong not to you. You may give them your love, but not your thoughts. For they have their own thoughts. You may house their bodies but not their souls, for their souls dwell in the house of tomorrow, which you cannot visit, not even in your dreams.
"You may strive to be like them, but seek not to make them like you. For life goes not backward nor tarries with yesterday. You are the bows from which your children as living arrows are sent forth. The archer sees the mark upon the path of the infinite and he bends you to his might that his arrows may go swift and far. Let your bending in the archer's hand be for gladness; for even as he loves the arrow that flies, so he loves also the bow that is stable."
DEAR ABBY: I recently discovered something strange about my fiance. "Tim" is 18 years old and lives with his parents. Yesterday, in order to show his mother something he had purchased, he walked in on her while she was taking a bath. I was shocked!
I don't understand why he couldn't have waited for her to finish her bath and get dressed. He says it is "no big deal," and it's "not a problem" for his mother. Apparently this is acceptable in their home.
In my family, once we reached a certain age, private things became private, and taking a bath was one of them!
Tim has a 16-year-old sister. It makes me wonder what he does in front of her -- and she in front of him.
I feel very strange knowing that they can walk in on each other in the bathroom. I am certainly not jealous of his mother, but isn't this unusual?
Does everyone just do whatever they want in front of their family members -- even private things? -- MORE MODEST IN MISSOURI
DEAR MORE MODEST: Apparently in Tim's home nobody locks the bathroom door. In some cultures, families bathe together -- parents and children -- in the same "tub."
Before you marry, make it clear to Tim how you feel about family modesty -- or purchase a bolt for your bathroom door.
Abby shares her favorite recipes in two booklets: "Abby's Favorite Recipes" and "Abby's More Favorite Recipes." To order, send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 per booklet ($4.50 each in Canada) to: Dear Abby Booklets, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in price.)