Good advice for everyone -- teens to seniors -- is in "The Anger in All of Us and How to Deal With It." To order, send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby, Anger Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)
Rapid Fire Phone Messages Can Hit Far From the Mark
DEAR ABBY: This may not be a big deal, and probably isn't worth space in your column, but here goes:
I have a suggestion for doctors and dentists: Please ask your staff to call and remind people of their appointment times. Some of us can get the times and dates confused.
Also, many people have difficulty hearing, especially on the telephone. When you leave a message on our answering machine, don't speak "rapid fire" in a pitch more suitable for high school or college kids, because we simply won't get the message. -- MAJ. BEN WALLACE, U.S.A.F. (RET.), TUCSON
DEAR MAJ. WALLACE: Your suggestions are a "big deal." In fact, I consider them a "major" contribution to my column! Thank you for sending them.
You are not the only person who has problems deciphering answering machine messages. Read on:
DEAR ABBY: This letter is directed to anyone who leaves a message on voice mail. PLEASE slow down when giving your name, address and phone number; this is not a race against the beep!
You may not get the information needed or the return phone call if you do not enunciate and give information slowly.
If you are calling from a cell phone, this is imperative. Technology hasn't yet provided a clear connection with voice mail. If you are calling from your car, it can be especially difficult.
If leaving your message is, indeed, a race against the beep, leave only your name and phone number. I'd rather return the call than replay the message five times. -- STRAINING TO HEAR, RICHFIELD, MINN.
DEAR STRAINING: I hear you loud and clear. And now, I have a message for you: Thank you for a practical suggestion.
DEAR ABBY: This is for "Frustrated Nonsmoker in L.A." I, too, was an ex-smoker with a husband who smoked. The most important thing to remember is to encourage, not pressure him. His first goal should be to cut down, not quit. (That can come later.)
Your mother-in-law cannot be cured or controlled, but you can put another spin on it. Tell your husband that each unopened pack of cigarettes his mother gives him is a coupon, which can be redeemed for a nice long back rub, a breakfast in bed, a shampoo or back wash, or anything special that he enjoys having you do for him.
This won't cost you anything but some energy, and it will relieve some of the stress of his cutting back on his smoking. It will also turn the unwanted gifts to your advantage without putting your husband in the middle.
Even if he is never able to completely stop smoking, you will have enjoyed quality time together and your relationship will be stronger and happier. Good luck. -- TOTALLY SMOKE-FREE IN FLORIDA
DEAR TOTALLY SMOKE-FREE: What a clever woman you are to come up with such a thoughtful win-win solution to "Nonsmoker's" problem. Orchids to you!
THOUGHT FOR THE DAY: A frown adds a wrinkle; a smile adds a twinkle. (Submitted by Bill in St. Petersburg, Fla.)
Perfect for Mother's Day: The Gift of Good Health
DEAR ABBY: Another holiday is approaching, and the same old question is echoing across the country: What to buy for Mother's Day? The "usual" gifts, such as flowers, Sunday brunch and a card, are nice. Yet these gifts are common. Let me suggest another option: the gift of a healthier life.
Breast cancer is the second-leading cause of cancer death in women in the United States. What most people don't realize is the risk of getting breast cancer increases with age. By age 40, chances are 1 in 217; by age 80, chances are 1 in 10. Research shows that older women do not recognize that the greatest risk factor for breast cancer is advancing age -- greater than family history. These are scary facts.
The good news is that if detected early, breast cancer mortality can be reduced by 20 percent to 40 percent for women age 50 and older. This means that even if your mother or grandmother gets breast cancer and the cancer is detected early, she is likely to survive it.
Here's the gift idea: Help your mother or grandmother get a mammogram! Medicare covers annual mammograms for women who are enrolled. All that is owed by the patient is the 20 percent co-payment. That's where you come in. Put an "IOU" in her Mother's Day card, or even take her to the doctor's office or local mammography center and pay the balance -- usually between $15 and $25. The message you'll be giving to your mothers and grandmothers is that you love them, and want them to stay healthy in their golden years -- and having an annual mammogram is a good way to accomplish this.
For more information, your readers can call 1-800-MEDICARE (1-800-633-4227). -- NANCY-ANN DEPARLE, HEALTH CARE FINANCING ADMINISTRATION
DEAR NANCY-ANN: I agree that an annual mammogram is a wise precaution. I'm sure some readers will find your suggestion intriguing, and I'm also sure your letter will create some healthy discussion on a subject that needs to be talked about.
However, this may not be the ideal gift for every mother. After polling my staff, they unanimously agreed that if a mammogram co-payment is offered, it be in addition to -- not instead of -- the traditional Mother's Day gifts.
DEAR ABBY: I am a 70-year-old man. I have been widowed going on five years. Lately I've been seeing a nice woman who was recently widowed.
We are considering living together without marriage. That seems to be common here in Florida. It appears to eliminate some of the problems of getting remarried at our age.
My question is, how do you introduce your live-in companion to friends? Obviously I can't say she's my wife, and I think it would be disrespectful to call her my "live-in." -- CONFUSED IN FLORIDA
DEAR CONFUSED: A number of acceptable terms for the person with whom you have chosen to live come to mind: my best friend, my partner, my sweetheart, my girlfriend, or simply, my friend. Or, you can say, "Hello, John. This is Jane," and leave it at that.
For an excellent guide to becoming a better conversationalist and a more attractive person, order "How to Be Popular." Send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby Popularity Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)
Hospice Helps Protect Patients From Too Much Intrusive Care
DEAR ABBY: Thank you for reprinting "Let Me Go" and discussing the durable power of attorney for health care. The state of Ohio has recently enacted a do-not-resuscitate comfort-care law that further protects patients who wish to be "protected" from "heroic measures." I hope other states are doing the same. However, this still may not be enough.
When our elderly aunt was a patient in a local nursing home, she made her wishes clear -- no heroic measures. She had serious asthma and a failing heart. Even though she had a durable power of attorney for health care and a DNR order, the nursing home would ship her off to the hospital every time she had a problem breathing. She would then be subjected to tubes, needles and tests -- none of which she wanted.
Finally, we convinced her to contact hospice. The hospice staff was able to educate the nursing home staff on specific ways to ease her breathing and avoid emergency hospital trips. Hospice did nothing to hasten her death. They did supplement her nursing home care, kept her comfortable, and gave the family much peace of mind. To my thinking, hospice served as her line of defense against these well-intentioned but unwelcome measures. She recently died, at the nursing home, peacefully in her sleep. -- PEGGY IN OHIO
DEAR PEGGY: I'm pleased to say that as our population ages, end-of-life issues are being given increasing attention. After the poem "Let Me Go" appeared in my column, I received dozens of letters from families who had used hospice, praising the efforts of "their" hospice team, which comprises doctors, nurses, social workers, counselors, home health aides, clergy, therapists -- and loyal and devoted volunteers. Each provides assistance based on his or her area of expertise.
In addition, hospices help provide medications, supplies, equipment, hospital services and additional helpers in the home if and when needed.
I was pleased to learn that hospice coverage is widely available. It is provided by Medicare nationwide, by Medicaid in 33 states, and by most private health insurance policies. And if the patient is NOT covered by Medicare or other health insurance, hospice will assist families in finding out whether the patient is eligible for any coverage they might not be aware of. For anyone who cannot pay, many hospices will still make their services available using money raised from the community or from memorial or foundation gifts.
Most physicians know about hospice. For physicians who don't, information is available from the Academy of Hospice Physicians, state hospice organizations, medical societies or the National Hospice Helpline, 1-800-658-8898.
Readers who are interested in learning more about hospice may write: The National Hospice and Palliative Care Organization, 1700 Diagonal Road, Suite 300, Alexandria, VA 22314. The Web site is: www.nhpco.org.
DEAR READERS: From "Marketing Resources," Issue No. 8, 1995:
Sign in Acapulco, Mexico hotel lobby: "The manager has personally passed all the water served here."
Sign in religious artifacts stores: "If you're interested in life after death, try robbing this store."
Sign in Norwegian cocktail lounge: "Ladies are requested not to have children in the bar."
Sign in Bangkok dry cleaners: "Drop your pants here."
Abby shares her favorite recipes in two booklets: "Abby's Favorite Recipes" and "Abby's More Favorite Recipes." To order, send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 per booklet ($4.50 each in Canada) to: Dear Abby Booklets, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in price.)