To order "How to Write Letters for All Occasions," send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby, Letter Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)
Let Us Honor All Who Died So That We Might Be Free
DEAR ABBY: As we prepare to celebrate Memorial Day, we should remember that this noble holiday is more than just a day off from work or school to spend time with our families or enjoy the outdoors. Memorial Day was created to honor those who gave their lives in service to our nation, and to reflect on the blessings of freedom.
This year, President Clinton and the U.S. Congress are joining together to urge Americans to put the "memorial" back into Memorial Day by participating in a National Moment of Remembrance. At 3 p.m. local time on Monday, May 29, Americans everywhere are encouraged to pause for one minute to pay tribute to our fallen heroes. We ask that "Taps" be played on radio and television stations and at public events wherever possible, and that those who are driving turn on their headlights. Whether at home or abroad, alone or with others, every American is encouraged to observe this moment of reflection in his or her own way.
On Memorial Day 2000, let us as a nation unite to thank the courageous men and women who paid with their lives so that we could enjoy this Memorial Day and every day in freedom. -- JOHN PODESTA, CHIEF OF STAFF TO THE PRESIDENT
DEAR MR. PODESTA: That's very little to ask of the proud citizens of this nation. Devoting one minute out of the holiday to remember those who have laid down their lives that we might live in freedom is the least we can do to acknowledge their sacrifice.
I thank you for bringing this to the attention of my readers.
DEAR ABBY: My husband, "Rob," was adopted at the age of 6 weeks. I have known about it since we first began dating.
We now have three school-age children, and we never thought it was necessary to tell them that their dad was adopted. We were wrong.
About a month ago, our 10-year-old daughter got into a quarrel with "Megan," the 13-year-old daughter of my husband's adoptive aunt. Megan was cruel to our daughter and told her that she is not really a "Smith" grandchild. This resulted in our daughter coming home in tears and totally confused.
At that point we did our best to explain to her that, while she has a different genetic makeup, she is certainly a Smith in every other way.
Abby, this painful incident could have been avoided had we been more open with our daughter from the beginning about her dad's adoption. Please tell your readers that honesty is always the best policy. Thanks for listening. -- LEARNED THE HARD WAY
DEAR LEARNED: I have done that in the past, and I will continue to do it. Your letter serves as a valuable warning to parents who may have withheld information that could provide a child with a better understanding of his or her family.
P.S. Your husband should consider confronting his aunt and asking her where she thinks her daughter "picked up" such a cruel idea.
Girl With Mustache Shouldn't Have to Keep Stiff Upper Lip
DEAR ABBY: I have a 13-year-old granddaughter who has a mustache. More and more, kids tease her about it. She tried to remove it by using something a friend gave her, but it ended up irritating her upper lip.
Her mom told her to overlook it if kids tease her, and that when she's 18 she can have it "taken care of." Until then, what is my granddaughter supposed to do? She's a sweet, beautiful girl, and my heart aches for her.
Abby, can you offer some advice to her mom, and other moms out there, whose daughters face the same problem? -- INQUIRING GRANDPARENT
DEAR GRANDPARENT: Yes. It's a common problem, and there are many choices -- a selection of over-the-counter depilatory creams, waxes and bleaches are available.
If directions are carefully followed under her mother's supervision, your granddaughter should get good results. Waxing "smarts" a bit, but it's far less painful than the embarrassment of unwanted facial hair. There is also the option of laser hair removal.
When your granddaughter is older, she and her mother might discuss permanent hair removal with a dermatologist or licensed electrologist.
DEAR ABBY: I am writing in response to your letters regarding hospice care.
As an oncologist and a hospice physician, I have seen how our society's denial of death can unintentionally deny patients choice and dignity during the final stage of life.
Today less than a quarter of patients who could benefit from hospice ever experience its comfort. And those who do are often referred too late to benefit from excellent pain management, and psychosocial or spiritual care that can enrich the end of life. Moreover, most patients are unaware that there is a Medicare hospice benefit or that their health insurance provides coverage.
Fortunately, our society is starting to explore the possibility of dying well. The Foundation for End of Life Care recently helped found the nation's first interdisciplinary institute to research end-of-life care issues. Housed in Duke University's Divinity School, it will provide much-needed education for health-care professionals and the public.
End-of-life care choices, pain management, the effect of bereavement counseling on spouse survival, and how different ethnic groups or cultures treat death, dying and bereavement are some of the topics for research. The institute will also advocate for the terminally ill in the health-care policy arena.
Our goal as a foundation is to transform dying into the final act of living well. We urge individuals to do their part by learning and talking about end-of-life options today. -- J.R. WILLIAMS, M.D., CHAIRMAN AND PRESIDENT, FOUNDATION FOR END OF LIFE CARE
DEAR DR. WILLIAMS: I am pleased that hospice is finally being discussed more openly in institutions of higher learning. I have received hundreds of letters from readers relating their personal experiences with hospice -- 99 percent positive and incredibly touching. Hospice provides a great deal of comfort to patients and their families.
There is no reason why anyone with a terminal illness should feel he or she must endure pain -- or die frightened or alone.
To receive a collection of Abby's most memorable -- and most frequently requested -- poems and essays, send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby's "Keepers," P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)
DEAR ABBY: I have a problem. I am 18 years old, and somehow got myself into the awkward situation of having two dates to the prom!
A few weeks ago, I was asked by a sophomore boy whom I am sort of friends with. I waited awhile before accepting because I really wanted to go with this cute guy who's in college, but I was too afraid to ask him.
Well, last night I got up the courage to talk to my college friend, and he said he would really like to go to the prom with me!
Now I am in a predicament. I would much rather go to the prom with the college guy, but I don't want to hurt the sophomore boy's feelings. What should I do? -- SENIOR IN A PANIC
DEAR SENIOR: If you break the prom date after having accepted the invitation, you will cause hurt feelings -- and it's very late for him to ask someone else.
Act like the adult you are. Honor your commitment to the young man whose invitation you accepted. It's the proper and considerate thing to do.
DEAR ABBY: "Hurting Heart" said she was upset that her husband told her he would evaluate the situation before committing to jump into the ocean to save her from drowning. Well, I agree with her husband.
I was trained as a lifeguard, and the husband's response made a great deal of sense to me. One of the key points stressed in lifesaving is the importance of evaluating the situation carefully before attempting a rescue.
A drowning person becomes a very different and dangerous individual. While in a state of panic and confusion, people have been known to drown the lifesaver! It is dangerous for even a well-trained lifeguard to attempt a rescue, which is why the training course is so rigorous.
Should the wife drown her rescuing husband, their four children would be orphaned -- which would truly be a senseless tragedy. That wife should borrow a little of her husband's common sense, instead of thinking only of herself. -- S.J.B. IN TORONTO
DEAR S.J.B.: The wife should have exercised some common sense and not asked the "what if" question -- and the husband should have used common sense by softening his honest, but tactless, answer. In the interest of water safety, whenever families are playing near water, there should always be a life preserver to toss for just such emergencies.
DEAR ABBY: If you are entertaining guests and the telephone rings, should you answer it, politely tell the caller that you have guests, and ask if you can call back at a more convenient time? -- WANT TO DO THE RIGHT THING
DEAR WANT: Yes. It is impolite to carry on a telephone conversation while guests are waiting. Some people resolve this question by letting their answering machine take calls while they're entertaining.
Good advice for everyone -- teens to seniors -- is in "The Anger in All of Us and How to Deal With It." To order, send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby, Anger Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)