To order "How to Write Letters for All Occasions," send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby, Letter Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)
MOM THANKFUL THAT SON VIEWS MARRIAGE AS EQUAL PARTNERSHIP
DEAR ABBY: I feel the need to respond to "Curious," regarding who should write thank-you notes. When my son and his wife were married, they decided that it would be a joint effort, with each responding to the gifts from their own family and friends, and working together on those for mutual friends. I had several of my friends and family members compliment me on what wonderful thank-you notes they received -- and they were very impressed that he had written them.
When he was young, I impressed upon him the fact that household responsibilities are for all who live in the home, not designated to certain genders. I came from a home with all sisters, and we helped with all duties. His father came from a home with all brothers, and I know he would never write a thank-you note because this would have never been expected in his family. I am proud and pleased that my son assumes and shares all responsibilities with his spouse. The husband of "Curious" needs to get a clue! -- PROUD MOTHER IN OGDEN, UTAH
DEAR PROUD MOTHER: Orchids to you. You have done your job well, and you deserve to be proud. Whether it's conscious or unconscious, mothers have tremendous influence on the attitudes they impart to their sons -- and you seem to have imparted a sense of gender neutrality to yours.
DEAR ABBY: Last summer, my Cadillac "died" amidst busy traffic in a rundown area of town. I had to walk quite a ways before finding a telephone to summon help. When I returned to the car, I "directed" traffic around it for at least 45 minutes.
During that time, 17 people stopped and offered to push my vehicle to the curb or phone for assistance. I thanked them all, but said help was on the way. One lady even offered to let me sit in her air-conditioned car to wait, as it was a hot day. When I refused with thanks, she handed me a cold can of pop!
Finally a nice man parked on a side street, walked back and said he wanted to help me, even though I said help was coming. He replied, "If my mother were in trouble, I would want someone to help her!" Then he got my car started and insisted on following me all the way to the Cadillac agency (at least 10 blocks). These wonderful good Samaritans all stopped during their busy day to help a stranger!
I am a 67-year-old Caucasian woman, Abby, and 16 of those 17 people who stopped were black. When my local paper chose not to print this, I hoped that you would. It is a true testament of compassion, when all we seem to read about is the bad side of life. -- ANN ALDRICH, COLUMBUS, OHIO
DEAR ANN: Thank you for pointing out that there are caring, concerned people in every neighborhood. The level of affluence has nothing to do with it, and neither does the skin color of the residents.
CONFIDENTIAL TO "LIVING LIFE TO THE FULLEST": "Live all you can; it's a mistake not to. It doesn't so much matter what you do in particular so long as you have your life." (Henry James, 1843-1916)
WIFE WHO PAYS FAMILY BILLS FEARS HAVING TO PAY THE PIPER
DEAR ABBY: My husband and I have been married 18 years, and we've been through thick and thin. My husband knows all my fears, weaknesses and strengths. So why can't I get advice from him when I need him the most? I'm afraid he will think I am weak, stupid and careless. I'm afraid he will not love me anymore and will leave me.
We have two boys, and it costs a lot to raise a family these days, what with groceries, personal items and clothing. I try to make everyone happy, and it's killing me. What's ironic is that my husband thinks I'm a good money manager. I shop with coupons, etc., and tell him how much I've saved. He thinks it's great. I hate deceiving him.
My problem: We are approximately $17,000 in credit card debt. My husband is unaware of our financial situation. There is also a $3,000 loan that he does know about. He thinks $50 is a lot of money, so how do I begin to tell him we owe $17,000?
Hiding payments to the credit card companies is so stressful. The funny thing is, I didn't spend any of the money on stupid stuff. The gas cards are used because once everything else is paid, there's no money left for gas for the vehicles. Then there are family birthdays, special occasions, etc. -- and no cash for that -- so I use the store credit cards. The Visa is mostly for cash advances to pay for groceries or to supplement a checking account that has gotten too low. I think, "I'll pay this all off soon and he'll never know." But it doesn't happen, and I'm caught in this mad cycle that never ends.
Abby, I'm going crazy. Please help me with some good, sound advice. I don't want to lose my husband. I love him. I help anyone who needs it and I'm good to my husband's mother and family. I have had to forgive him on many occasions for things he has done in the past. Can he possibly forgive me?
For many months I have gone to bed at night asking God for guidance. I think he told me to write to you. -- DROWNING IN DEBT IN LOUISIANA
DEAR DROWNING: Please stop flogging yourself. You haven't done anything that hasn't been done to a lesser -- or greater -- degree by thousands of other people. The Federal Reserve reports that credit card debt hit $566 billion in January 1999.
Your husband will be understandably upset that you have kept this information from him. However, viewed rationally, you and he have far more invested in your 18-year marriage and two children than money.
Stop stalling and tell your husband of your predicament. The secrecy and not reviewing your expenses together are what have allowed this problem to get out of hand in the first place.
You and he can regain control of your finances by contacting the National Foundation for Consumer Credit (NFCC), a non-profit organization that provides education and counseling services on budgeting and credit.
To contact the NFCC member office nearest you, call toll-free from a touch-tone phone: (800) 388-2227. You can also get information from the NFCC Web site: www.nfcc.org. Please don't put this off any longer, because the organization can provide you with a workable solution to your problem.
For an excellent guide to becoming a better conversationalist and a more attractive person, order "How to Be Popular." Send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby Popularity Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)
DEAR ABBY: Last month I gave birth to a healthy baby girl. Unfortunately, after the delivery, I hemorrhaged so severely I needed an emergency hysterectomy.
I am alive today thanks to the quick action and skill of my physicians and nurses, and to the selfless gift of six units of blood from anonymous donors. My ability to hold and care for my beautiful daughter hinges on the fact that I received blood transfusions, a fact that makes me realize what a precious gift blood is.
When I finally regain my strength, I pledge to donate blood, and hope this letter will prompt others to follow my example.
Thank you, blood donors one and all, for a priceless gift. (By the way, my baby's name is Abby, and she is also a dear!) -- LITTLE ABBY'S MOM
DEAR MOM: I am pleased that you and your dear "little Abby" are doing well. Thank you for the reminder that lifesaving blood is in short supply and donations are needed across the country. Potential blood donors should contact their nearest Red Cross Center or hospital with a blood bank.
P.S. If you've never thought of being a blood donor, please consider this:
WHAT GOOD IS A BLOOD DONOR?
A blood donor is good for people who go through windshields and red lights. For somebody with leukemia. For people being operated on. For barefoot kids who aren't careful. For people who are into feudin' and fightin'. For hemophiliacs and daredevils. For people undergoing dialysis while waiting for a kidney transplant. For people who fool around with guns. For little kids who manage to uncap a bottle of something poisonous.
A blood donor is good for people who have been badly burned. For new mothers who need transfusions. For new babies who need a complete change of blood supply. For people having open-heart surgery. For cancer patients. For people with severe hepatitis and anemia. For kids who fall out of trees or whatever. For anybody at any age with bleeding ulcers. For people who were in the wrong place at the wrong time.
A blood donor is good for people who are in a lot worse shape than most people you know.
A blood donor is good for life!
DEAR ABBY: I have a pet peeve I have been intending to write you about for a long time. It's clothing manufacturers who put labels in clothing that are irritating to people with sensitive skin. Not only are they placed in the necklines of garments, but also in the waistband of panties and slacks. It wouldn't be so bad, but they sew them into the seam of the garment so if you want to rip them out you also rip the seam.
Henceforth, I'll check the label of every garment before I buy it to make sure the label can be easily removed. -- JEWELL IN FRESNO, CALIF.
DEAR JEWELL: Your pet peeve happens to be one of mine as well, and I've been "itching" to say something about it for a long time.
If manufacturers want their brand names remembered, it should be for positive reasons, not for constant irritation.
Abby shares her favorite recipes in two booklets: "Abby's Favorite Recipes" and "Abby's More Favorite Recipes." To order, send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 per booklet ($4.50 each in Canada) to: Dear Abby Booklets, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in price.)