Good advice for everyone -- teens to seniors -- is in "The Anger in All of Us and How to Deal With It." To order, send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby, Anger Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)
Prevalence of Date Rape Drugs Makes Every Drink a Gamble
DEAR ABBY: This afternoon I read your column in which "Christine in Midlothian, Va." described an incident involving her drink being spiked with GHB at a neighborhood bar. She acknowledged her gratitude to Andrew and Chris for rescuing her from what could have been a possible date-rape situation.
In a different section of the same newspaper, I read a frightening article. Beside it was a photograph of a beautiful woman with a grief-stricken expression. She was the mother of a 15-year-old girl who died after her soft drink was spiked with GHB at a party. A soft drink, Abby!
The article stated that there have been at least 58 GHB-related deaths and 5,700 overdoses nationwide. While your answer seemed to focus more on not leaving a drink unattended at a bar, we also have to worry about soft drinks at private parties -- parties our teen-agers attend almost every weekend.
Please warn parents to talk to their daughters about this terrible act that could be perpetrated on them -- and how common it has become. It is also imperative for parents to talk to their SONS and let them know this kind of thing is serious and much more harmful than they realize. This is not a "boys will be boys" thing. This is rape; this is murder!
Andrew and Chris, the young men who saved Christine from possible rape, also saved her from possible death. Their parents obviously raised them to be men of character and taught them respect for others.
Thank you, Abby, for bringing this horrific matter to the attention of your readers. Too bad someone can't take these little ticks and throw them back on the mangy mutts they jumped off of. -- DISGUSTED IN LAS VEGAS
DEAR DISGUSTED: You have written an excellent letter. Parents should, indeed, warn their children of both sexes about the danger of GHB and the other date-rape drug, Rohypnol. It is tragic that someone cannot attend a party without concern about the safety of a soft drink or the punchbowl. It's sad to say, but unless a drink is offered in a sealed container and opened personally, it should not be consumed. And it should be kept with the person at all times.
A final thought: Anyone who sees someone attempting to doctor another person's drink should warn the potential victim immediately -- and should warn the perpetrator that it's against the law. Do not remain silent; silence indicates approval, and could make the witness an accessory to the crime.
DEAR ABBY: I've been a loyal reader for years, but I have never written to you before. Your response to the high school student who signed himself "Crazy for a Freshman" infuriated me. You said that the girl's father, who was the young man's chemistry teacher, might not be so "friendly" when it came to giving him a passing grade. Abby, as a teacher, I found that statement offensive.
We don't "give" grades -- our students earn them. To suggest that this father might alter a student's grade because of a romance with his daughter is insulting to teachers. Abby, you owe teachers everywhere an apology. -- TEACHER IN DUNKIRK, MD.
DEAR TEACHER: No offense was intended. Human nature being what it is, I wanted to warn the student not to sneak around with the girl because her father, his teacher, might not be able to separate his anger from grading for achievement. I know teachers are expected to be above that, but they are as susceptible to human frailties as everyone else.
Story Behind Burial Plot May Be Gravely Incomplete
DEAR ABBY: In a recent column you printed a letter from "Outraged in the South," whose stepmother, upon her death, will have herself buried between "Outraged's" father and his first wife in the family burial plot.
You advised her that it would most likely be useless to try to talk this incredibly insensitive stepmother out of it. However, there is something that "Outraged" and her siblings can do. After the stepmother dies -- or, perhaps even better, before she dies -- the "children" can go together and have another inscription engraved on the stone underneath the first wife's name.
It could read: "She did it over our dead bodies -- Signed, The Children." -- DEE IN WASHINGTON
DEAR DEE: Your suggestion is a hoot. Not everyone viewed the second wife's intentions as we did. Read on:
DEAR ABBY: When I read the letter from "Outraged in the South," my stomach turned. Perhaps the stepmother should not have moved Dad over -- it is pretty gross. However, maybe the dad and stepmother discussed where they would like to be buried, and he chose to be next to her instead of in the middle because he had been married to her for at least 27 years. Over the course of those 27 years, I assume she loved him, cared for him and, most likely, nursed him through his last illness.
The youngest daughter was approximately 17 years old when her father married a much younger woman. He lived to be at least 90 years old. She should be grateful that they had such a long life together and were there for each other.
Give this woman a break. Unless she was a selfish witch, those adult children could use their time more productively. They should console their stepmother, as I am sure she is mourning. She is now approximately 65 years old, and I would expect she could use some "family" around her.
If you print this, please don't use my name. All the relatives live here. -- A CALIFORNIAN
DEAR CALIFORNIAN: You're right; there are usually two sides to every story. However, if the matter had been discussed between the father and his second wife, it would have been wise to have shared the burial plans with the adult children well in advance.
DEAR ABBY: My daughter is planning a wedding in July. She would like to use silver and burgundy as her colors. Her soon-to-be mother-in-law said silver is used for second marriages. Is this true? -- NEEDS YOUR HELP IN UTAH
DEAR NEEDS: If that's true, it's the first time I've heard of it. Second-time brides often wear pastel colors -- or white with color in the trim of the garment or their accessories. If your daughter wants to use silver and burgundy for her wedding, the combination sounds fine to me.
CONFIDENTIAL TO "SEARCHING FOR HAPPINESS IN SAN FRANCISCO": Armchair philosopher Robert Cory said it best in his book, "Bottom Lines to Life": "Don't look for what makes you happy in life -- deal with what prevents you from it."
For everything you need to know about wedding planning, order "How to Have a Lovely Wedding." Send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby, Wedding Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)
Marriage Was Wrong for Man Trying to Do the Right Thing
DEAR ABBY: Stop the press! The letter from "Soon to Be a Grandpa" describes the scenario I found myself in almost two years ago. She was pregnant after two months, and I, too, wanted to "do the right thing." We married after knowing each other five months.
If you think marrying someone you hardly know is stressful, wait until the birth of a child. I love my beautiful daughter with all my heart. However, my marriage to her mother was the most traumatic experience I have ever been through!
Abby, you were right on the money when you said that marriage can wait. The young man should not put himself in a bind to prove he is committed to the unborn child. That is what I did -- and it was the worst decision I've ever made. The divorce (we were married eight months) still causes much pain for me and everyone I know.
Things are finally starting to normalize. We have joint custody of our daughter.
Please tell "Soon to Be a Grandpa" to warn his son. I know the son feels like his relationship is different and he can make it work. I felt the same way.
He should enjoy his newborn and participate in his/her life as much as possible. But marriage is not the answer. If it turns out that their commitment to each other is genuine, best of luck to them! However, nothing is harmed by a little patience. -- LESSON LEARNED IN FLORIDA
DEAR LESSON LEARNED: I agree; a child should be raised in a home where the parents love each other.
DEAR ABBY: Please reprint the forms of government you had in your column a few years ago. I believe there was something about a cow in the explanation. -- A.P. IN SPARTANBURG, S.C.
DEAR A.P.: I'm happy to grant your request. My readers got a "kick" out of it then, and I have since had several requests for it. Read on:
COMMUNISM: You have two cows. The government takes both of them and gives you part of the milk.
SOCIALISM: You have two cows. The government takes one and gives it to your neighbor.
FASCISM: You have two cows. The government takes both cows and sells you the milk.
NAZISM: You have two cows. The government takes both your cows, then shoots you.
BUREAUCRACY: You have two cows. The government takes both of them, shoots one, milks the other, then pours the milk down the drain.
CAPITALISM: You have two cows. You sell one of them and buy a bull.
Abby, what happens in a democracy? -- MRS. J. MC C.
DEAR MRS. MC C.: In a democracy, everyone has two cows, then a vote is taken, and whatever the majority decides to do, you do, and that's no bull!
To receive a collection of Abby's most memorable -- and most frequently requested -- poems and essays, send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby's "Keepers," P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)