To receive a collection of Abby's most memorable -- and most frequently requested -- poems and essays, send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby's "Keepers," P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)
Patients' Privacy Disappears in Receptionist's Open Door
DEAR ABBY: My aunt broke her foot and can't drive, so I have been providing her with taxi service for the last three weeks.
I took her to see a new doctor about shortness of breath. His office was in a lovely new building, and I marveled at the paintings and expensive furniture in his waiting room. I thought about how successful he was, and that engendered confidence in his ability to treat my aunt.
However, when she hobbled into the receptionist's office, the door was left open, and everyone in the waiting room could hear the answers to all the personal questions. Nothing was secret from the captive audience. She tried talking softly, but the receptionist repeated her answers loudly enough that we could all hear them.
Abby, medical information is supposed to be confidential. Had one of the patients demanded that kind of information from the receptionist, she probably would have refused to answer. Because it was for medical records, my aunt felt compelled to answer the questions she was asked. It not only embarrassed her, it also put her in a vulnerable position for identity theft.
Shouldn't medical office personnel be more careful to guard the confidential information of the patients? -- NETTLED NIECE IN NEWARK, N.J.
DEAR NETTLED NIECE: Yes. Care should be taken in keeping medical information confidential, and the receptionist was out of line. Your aunt should have smiled sweetly and said, "That information is confidential. I'll answer your questions when you close the door." Then, when she saw the doctor, she should have reported her complaint, which probably would have been a favor for all the patients.
Since your aunt did not report this lapse of confidentiality procedure by the receptionist, you should speak to the doctor and advise him or her of what you witnessed. It is the doctor's responsibility to ensure that
employees observe protocol to protect patients' rights.
DEAR ABBY: The following little story appeared in our church bulletin last year, and I thought you might enjoy it. If you think it's worth sharing with your readers, please feel free to do so. -- ANITA G., WICHITA, KAN.
DEAR ANITA: Your story illustrates what's really important in life. It's well worth space in this column. Read on:
HOW RICH ARE WE?
One day a father and his rich family took his son on a trip to the country with the firm purpose of showing him how poor people can be. They spent a day and a night at the farm of a very poor family. When they returned from their trip, the father asked his son, "How was the trip?"
"Very good, Dad!"
"Did you see how poor people can be?" the father asked.
"Yeah!"
"And what did you learn?"
The son replied: "I saw that we have a dog at home, and they have four. We have a pool that reaches to the middle of the garden; they have a creek that has no end. We have imported lamps in the garden; they have the stars. Our patio reaches to the front yard; they have a whole horizon."
When the little boy finished speaking, his father was speechless. His son added, "Thanks, Dad, for showing me how poor we are."
Brother's Stiffened Backbone Massaged by Readers' Praise
DEAR ABBY: Having read the letter from "Hank in Tacoma" -- who was upset because his sister-in-law had urged his brother "Eric" into therapy and freed him from years of servitude to his family -- I must admit I was surprised that you didn't let Hank and the rest of the family have it!
Apparently Hank feels it is Eric's wife's fault that his brother has found his backbone. How dare Hank and the family make judgments about Eric's wife without even taking Eric up on his offer to join him in counseling sessions to learn more about the changes that are taking place.
Finally, how dare Eric put his children and wife first? Why, Abby, if more spouses put their significant other and children first, perhaps we would have fewer divorces and happier families in this world. -- SUZANNE IN SAN FRANCISCO
P.S. There was one thing I didn't understand in your answer. What did you mean, "Eric has slipped his chain"?
DEAR SUZANNE: Simply put, it means, "freed himself from his shackles." When I wrote the phrase, I was envisioning a dog escaping from his training collar, or choke chain.
That letter generated a ton of response. Read on:
DEAR ABBY: In today's paper I read the letter from "Hank in Tacoma," and I recognize his family!
Hank: Wake up! Your brother Eric is no longer the family doormat.
Hank wrote, "He used to always put his family first, but now he favors his wife and children." Guess what a wife and children are, Hank? That's right, a family -- Eric's family.
Eric is finally a person in his own right, thanks to his insightful wife, and he's probably happier than he has ever been. If he no longer squires your mother around town because Pop "doesn't like those events," perhaps YOU should jump in and volunteer to be the escort now and then. And you might find yourself the favored sibling, the one with all the footprints on his back from "your" family walking all over you! Good luck, Hank, and give my love and admiration to your brother, Eric. -- FORMER DOORMAT IN DELAWARE
DEAR ABBY: Was "Hank in Tacoma" for real? By favoring his wife and children, Eric IS putting his family first. Hooray for the new Eric. He sounds like a healthy adult and good husband and father to boot. -- JACQUELINE M. IN L.A.
DEAR ABBY: Please pass my message on to Eric in Tacoma. Good for you, Eric. You have obviously made some tough but important changes in your life, and you clearly have married well.
As to the family: Too bad Eric won't let you bully him anymore, but don't worry, you'll get over it. If you're lucky, you'll learn to appreciate him and his family. -- PETER R., SAN RAFAEL, CALIF.
DEAR ABBY: Regarding the letter from "Hank in Tacoma," whose brother Eric has become more assertive, I have two words for Eric: GO ERIC!!! -- SUSAN S., A FAN FROM TEXAS
CONFIDENTIAL TO STILL CRYING IN SAVANNAH, GA: It takes a friend and an enemy to really hurt you: the enemy to speak ill of you, and the friend to tell you about it.
What teens need to know about sex, drugs, AIDS, and getting along with peers and parents is in "What Every Teen Should Know." To order, send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby, Teen Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)
Becoming Wiser With Age Is Sometimes a Matter of Degree
DEAR ABBY: This May, my grandmother, Elizabeth Eichelbaum, will receive her Ph.D. in art therapy from the University of Tennessee. At graduation, she will be 90 years old!
Abby, she received her bachelor's degree at age 69 and her master's at age 81. She has been attending classes the last two years in spite of macular degeneration (she is nearly blind).
Grandmother was separated from her mother when she was a small child in Russia. She lived in the czar's palace during the Russian Revolution, but eventually came to America. Some time after coming to this country, she was reunited with her mother.
Our entire family is extremely proud of her accomplishment, and she is an inspiration to all who know her. If you print this letter, it may inspire others to continue their education no matter what stumbling blocks may be in the way. -- DENNIS J. EICHELBAUM, PLANO, TEXAS
DEAR DENNIS: Your grandmother is an amazing woman, and I admire her determination. My heartfelt congratulations to her for her inspiring accomplishment. Readers, Elizabeth has proved it can be done, so what's stopping you? Go back to school if that is your dream.
DEAR ABBY: Would you be willing to inform your readers of the publication of a book of importance to every one of us -- Jessica Mitford's "The American Way of Death Revisited"? This book, a revised edition of a 1963 version, does a tremendous service in informing Americans about the wretched excesses of the funeral industry, into whose hands we all must ultimately fall. It describes in detail the means employed by that industry to separate us from our money just at a point when, through the sorrow and confusion attendant upon a death in the family, we are least prepared to think clearly.
Mitford's book -- which is eminently readable -- is available in a paperback edition for just $14. Every family should have access to it. Every minister should read and act upon it. Every retirement home, church and synagogue library should keep a copy available to loan out to its members. Preplanning (but not prepayment!) for funeral needs, based on the sort of information Ms. Mitford presents, is something every American family should do as soon as possible. -- JOHN B. GABEL, DUBLIN, OHIO
DEAR JOHN: When Jessica Mitford's book, "The American Way of Death," was first printed in 1963, it was a bombshell -- and remained on the best-seller list for a year. Before it was printed, many grieving families would plunge themselves into debt to pay for lavish funerals they could ill afford because they felt that the amount of money that was spent on their final farewell was an indication of how much they loved the deceased. How absurd!
After that book was published, Americans realized they could pay tribute to their loved ones and bury them with low-cost, dignified funerals without experiencing guilt or embarrassment.
Readers looking for a simple and inexpensive funeral should write to the Funeral Consumer's Alliance, P.O. Box 10, Hinesburg, VT 05461. The alliance has been a reliable resource for many years, and I'm pleased to recommend them.
For everything you need to know about wedding planning, order "How to Have a Lovely Wedding." Send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby, Wedding Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)