Good advice for everyone -- teens to seniors -- is in "The Anger in All of Us and How to Deal With It." To order, send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby, Anger Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)
Coaches Who Cross Line Will Trip, Stumble and Fall
DEAR ABBY: This is in response to "Tempted," the soccer coach who has problems with girls on his team being too "flirty" or "suggestive." Being a soccer player myself,
I have seen this situation before, as many coaches at my school today are young men.
A few years back, one of the coaches at my school became sexually involved with one of his players. When the news leaked to the community, he not only lost his job but was also charged with statutory rape. He was forced to file as a sex offender and even had to spend time in jail.
The soccer community is not very large, and this news traveled fast. This man's credibility as a coach and as a person was ruined.
If it's too hard for "Tempted" to be in this situation, then I agree with your suggestion, Abby. He needs to get a new job. –- SOCCER PLAYER IN EL DORADO HILLS, CALIF.
DEAR SOCCER PLAYER: I don't know how "small" the soccer community is, but I think I may have heard from the coach in your letter. Read on:
DEAR ABBY: Take it from me, Abby -- "Tempted" does not want to cross the line that separates a coach from a player. At one time I had my dream job as a coach. However, I am also young, and I made the foolish mistake of crossing that line. To make a long story short, I had to resign my position and struggle through a very hard time. I can't begin to tell you the pain, suffering and humiliation I experienced.
What I wouldn't give to turn back the clock and handle that situation differently. Take it from me: Getting involved with a player could ruin the rest of your career. -- ANONYMOUS IN THE NORTHWEST
DEAR ANONYMOUS: True. And that's not even taking into consideration the psychological impact on the teen-age student's life.
Crushes on teachers are very common, and although a high school girl might look like a woman -- she isn't. Therefore, flirt as she may, it is the responsibility of the adult to behave like one and make sure that a firm line is drawn. Read on:
DEAR ABBY: I must reply to the letter from the 26-year-old former soccer player, now a high school girls' coach. I have seen much difficulty as a result of men coaching girls' teams. I have seen many coaches fired, reputations ruined, marriages broken up and jobs lost because of similar situations. Schools are now beginning to hire female coaches, which is an excellent idea.
From the tone of the young coach's letter, he's not up to the job. Tell him he should run, not walk, away from being a coach for girls' teams. -- FORMER TEACHER, BIRMINGHAM, ALA.
DEAR FORMER TEACHER: That's exactly what I told "Tempted." I advised him that if the temptation was too much for him, I'd recommend a cold shower -- and reassignment to a boys' soccer team.
DEAR ABBY: Can you stand another humorous epitaph?
My late father always claimed that in the small Southern town where he grew up, everyone was a regular churchgoer, save one old man who was a lifelong professed atheist.
When the old guy died, my father told me his headstone read: "All dressed up and no place to go." -- BOB IN TAMPA
DEAR BOB: Which shows that not only was he an atheist, but a pessimist as well.
Where There's a Will, There's a Way to Secure Pets' Future
DEAR ABBY: Please remind your readers, young or old, to make provisions for their beloved pets in the event of major illness or death. I have rescued more than 10 cats from the local shelters this week alone.
These were all brought in individually by families of people who have passed away and made no specific provisions for their pets. The families are always happy to take the personal property, house, furniture, cars, etc., but the pets are up for grabs and end up in a cold, sterile animal shelter, not knowing what happened to them and why their home and their human companions are gone.
This is a real tragedy, and in most cases these animals are euthanized. The lucky ones are adopted by people like me who hear about their plight. Even if people cannot afford to have an attorney draw up a will, they should have handwritten instructions (holographic will) and leave it with a responsible person. There is no one to speak for these animals when their owners are gone. Please, Abby, get the word out to the public. -- CAROLE ELLIS, LOS ANGELES
DEAR CAROLE: I'm pleased to help. As important as putting the instructions in writing is to make sure in advance that the animal would be a welcome member of the family in the event of the owner's death or disability. Some pets, specifically some species of birds, can live to 75 years or so. And they deserve to live to a ripe old age if they are able to.
DEAR ABBY: After reading about Oscar Ortiz, the veteran who was appreciated after 55 years, I'm moved to write about the few seconds of appreciation I, a retired teacher, received while stopped at a busy intersection waiting for the traffic light to turn green.
A car filled with large, handsome, very noisy males drove alongside me and stopped. I glanced over at them and smiled. One of the young men said, "Don't worry -- we're listening to Michael Jackson's 'Scream.'" I replied, "Sounds normal to me after teaching high school for 30 years."
The driver did a double take and said, "Where did you teach?" "Westminster High School," I answered. He then said, "Mrs. P. -- is that you?" When I nodded affirmatively, he said: "I never told you before, but I loved you. You were the best teacher I ever had in all my years in school."
Then I recognized him. I said, "Sean, I remember when you brought your 18-month-old son to my class, and I gave him toys to play with while you studied." Sean said, "Look in the back seat, because there he is. He's almost 16 now."
The traffic light changed and our cars started moving into the intersection. The last I saw of my former student, he was waving at me and shouting, "Always remember, Mrs. P., I love you!"
I've been on cloud nine since those few seconds at the intersection. I hope this story might prompt students everywhere to communicate with those teachers who somehow influenced their lives. Dedicated teachers need appreciation. A few seconds will do -- but more is always appreciated. -- ULA PENDLETON, LOS ANGELES
DEAR ULA: I, too, hope your letter generates some response. I'm willing to bet that almost everyone can remember a special teacher who made a difference because of his or her caring heart.
Readers, if you do, sit down and write that teacher -- or former teacher -- a letter of acknowledgment and thanks. It won't take long, and the result will last longer than a few seconds at a stoplight. Your letter can be enjoyed repeatedly.
To order "How to Write Letters for All Occasions," send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby, Letter Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)
Kids' Potential Multiplies With Undivided Attention
DEAR ABBY: This letter is intended for mothers and fathers who make beautiful children but don't spend quality time with them. You will never know what your child could become if you don't play an active role in his or her life.
When my wife and I married eight years ago, I said that when we had children, I would spend more time with them than my father spent with me. Judging from the events over the last seven years, I know I could have achieved much more had my father spent a little more time with me.
My son, who is now 7 years old, is academically excellent in school, talented in karate and basketball, gifted in art and has a CD on the market. At 7, he's already building for his future. All of this, and he still has time to play Pokemon and Digimon with his brother and sister, both of whom have received similar accolades.
Kids have so much potential. Parents, please spend time with you children. -- SOMEWHERE IN VIRGINIA
DEAR SOMEWHERE: Your plea touched my heart, and I'm printing it for parents who may need such a wake-up call. One of the unexpected benefits of women's liberation has been that recent generations of fathers have taken a greater role in child rearing. I, for one, think that's terrific.
DEAR ABBY: I have enjoyed reading about the random acts of kindness you have printed. I have a tremendous one to share with you that meant the world to me.
Four years ago, my husband, Roy, had a massive stroke. We had been married only 12 years when this happened. He is right-side paralyzed, has some speech impairment and is in a wheelchair. He does not like going out in public and usually refuses to do so. We were always "card givers," and I missed his cards so much after he got sick.
Our wedding anniversary is Valentine's Day. As Valentine's Day approached, I was quite depressed because I knew I would not receive my usual cards from my precious husband. One of our neighbors, Susan, knew how I felt. She went to a card shop and spent hours selecting Valentine and anniversary cards. She found the perfect cards and brought them to our house. Then she asked me to go out for a little while, saying she needed to talk to Roy. After I left, she read the cards to him, helped him sign them, and told him to wait until the next morning to give them to me.
The next morning when I got Roy up and fixed our breakfast, I gave him the cards I had for him. You cannot imagine the smile on his face when he presented me with the cards that Susan had brought for him to give to me. They were absolutely beautiful, exactly the kind of cards Roy had given me over the years. It was as if he had gone and picked them out himself.
Susan has done this every year since Roy had his stroke. I always express my gratitude to her, but there are no words to tell her exactly how much this means to me. Thank you, Susan, and God bless you. -- BRENDA GAY, EASLEY, S.C.
DEAR BRENDA: Everyone should be so fortunate as to have a neighbor as caring and sensitive as Susan. I'm sure your letter will be a day-brightener for everyone who reads it, and plant the seed of an idea for readers who may know someone in a similar situation. Thank you for writing.
To order "How to Write Letters for All Occasions," send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby, Letter Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)