For an excellent guide to becoming a better conversationalist and a more attractive person, order "How to Be Popular." Send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby Popularity Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)
Safety Is Left in the Dust by Ads Celebrating Speed
DEAR ABBY: I have noticed that the majority of automobile commercials on TV today show speeding cars. One in particular shows two ladies in sport utility vehicles racing over curbs and bumps to win a race to a parking place. This is portrayed as something good and fun you can do when you drive a brand-new SUV. Another commercial portrays someone leaving his workplace and racing down a twisting road to unwind. On and on it goes with advertised cars speeding across the screen.
These commercials, and many others like them, imply that the better car is the "faster" car, and that it's cool and enjoyable to drive in this manner.
Abby, what is this teaching new drivers? Don't these commercials promote reckless driving? -- VALERIE S. RIVARD, MANCELONA, MICH.
DEAR VALERIE: Mature drivers (of any age) realize that obeying the speed limit is the best way to promote wreck-less driving. While it's obvious the advertisers are implying that speed is desirable and thrilling, I agree that an unintended subliminal message is that reckless driving is acceptable. That's dangerous and irresponsible.
DEAR ABBY: On June 1, 1999, my son died of an overdose. We went to visit relatives over Memorial Day weekend. He found a box of outdated prescription drugs while we were there.
Abby, he was only 18 years old. I hope you will share my letter with the public. He had made three suicide attempts prior. People told me it was all for attention.
Parents, take your sad teen-ager seriously or you'll end up like me ... A BROKENHEARTED MOTHER IN S.F.
DEAR BROKENHEARTED MOTHER: Please accept my condolences for the loss of your son. If there is one lesson to be learned from your letter, it's that a suicide attempt is NOT a bid for attention -- it's a cry for help. And that means professional help. In most communities it's as near as the telephone, in the form of a suicide or crisis hotline.
DEAR ABBY: Thank you for printing the letter from "Happy Again in San Diego," the woman who told you about writing a list of qualities she loved about her husband and how it helped her marriage.
My husband and I rarely celebrate anything but Christmas, but this year I decided to follow "Happy's" example and write a list of my own for Valentine's Day. In addition to the characteristics I find appealing about him, I included things that I appreciated -- for example, the fact that he has stopped smoking inside the house (I am a nonsmoker), and that he always remembers to pick up certain items that I like when he goes to the grocery store.
He was obviously touched by my efforts -- I thought he was going to burst into tears! We have been together for 26 years, and you know the old story -- "The spark had gone out of our marriage." Well, thanks to "Happy's" suggestion and a little time on my part, things have never been better.
So, Abby, a thousand thanks. You've really put a lift in my love life! -- DAWN IN PHOENIX
DEAR DAWN: And you put a lift in my spirits. Thanks for an upper of a letter. Others can learn from it. It takes only a second to jot down a kind word, and the result can be enjoyed for many years.
Clean Hands Prevent Infection in Hospitals, Homes and Schools
DEAR ABBY: We would like to add to the discussion about unwashed hands being a hazard for patients. We are certified infection-control practitioners in a large medical center. The Association for Professionals in Infection Control and Epidemiology is a well-established organization with more than 3,000 professionals, whose goal is to promote excellence in infection control and prevention.
Hand-washing is the No. 1 prevention against spread of infection, inside and outside the hospital setting. It is important in the home, in schools and in every workplace. It is the cornerstone of infection-control practice and education for everyone who works in health care.
Proper hand-washing is taught during orientation for new employees and daily by most practitioners whenever the need arises. Soap, running water, friction and 10 to 15 seconds covering all surfaces of the hands are necessary to loosen dirt and wash the germs down the drain. It is the responsibility of all health-care employees to practice proper techniques to protect patients -- as well as ourselves.
At our facility, hand-washing is considered serious business and proper practice is enforced. Alcohol foam or gels for hand antisepsis are recommended for those "difficult times" when an employee is unable to get to a sink.
We agree with your statement, "Proper hygiene practices are an essential part of high-quality medical care." And we want Dear Abby to continue to be part of our team, promoting good infection-control practices, hand-washing and good health. Thank you, Abby. -- JAN WROBEL, RN, AND BARBARA WIXSON, RN, SUMMIT MEDICAL CENTER, OAKLAND, CALIF.
DEAR JAN AND BARBARA: I'm sure many readers will be as surprised as I was to learn that most hospitals have a full-time infection-control team or nurse whose job it is to do surveillance, prevention and control of hospital-acquired infections.
A patient, relative or friend of a patient who witnesses a breach of proper hygiene practices should report it to the charge nurse, the administrator of the facility and the infection-control coordinator. Speaking up will not jeopardize the comfort of the patient; however, failing to speak up could endanger the health, or even the life, of the patient.
DEAR ABBY: My wife and I adopted a newborn girl three years ago. We knew the birth mother three months before delivery. She is a wonderful young woman. We keep in touch four or five times a year.
She is now 21 and is being married to a very nice young man. He knows about our daughter, but his parents do not. Because our child's skin color is darker than ours, they would surely realize that her birth mother is the bride.
We have been asked to attend the wedding but not to bring our daughter. I say no -- but my wife wants to go. Help! -- OPENLY ADOPTING IN CANADA
DEAR OPENLY ADOPTING: Resist the temptation to show off your daughter at the wedding. Do as the bride wishes and give her a loving send-off as she enters her new life.
Abby shares her favorite recipes in two booklets: "Abby's Favorite Recipes" and "Abby's More Favorite Recipes." To order, send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 per booklet ($4.50 each in Canada) to: Dear Abby Booklets, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in price.)
Out of Control Parents Teach How Not to Be Good Sports
DEAR ABBY: Basketball season is over, and I am appalled at some of the things that have happened to our team. Because of one family, our team has been torn apart. The coach did nothing to deserve this attack and has always acted in the most professional way. He has never embarrassed one child or our school in any way. I hope you will print my letter because there is a good lesson in it for all of us.
Abby, please share with your readers the following 10 guidelines given in the journal The Physician and Sportsmedicine for parents, to assure that blessings -- rather than curses -- come from their children's involvement in sports.
1. Make sure your children understand that win or lose, you love them.
2. Be realistic about your child's physical ability.
3. Help your child set realistic goals.
4. Emphasize "improved" performance, not winning.
5. Don't relive your own athletic past through your child.
6. Provide a safe environment for training and competition.
7. Control your emotions at games and events.
8. Be a "cheerleader" for your child AND other children on the team.
9. Respect your child's coaches. Communicate with them in a positive way.
10. Be a positive role model.
Parents: Be sensible and responsible, and keep your priorities in order! There is a lot more at stake than a win/loss record.
Abby, I cannot sign my name to this letter. It's not because I'm ashamed; it's because of fear of more controversy. -- AN INTERESTED FAN IN THE U.S.A.
DEAR INTERESTED FAN: Every year I hear about parents who behave irrationally and emotionally at their children's sporting events. Parents who cannot control their behavior, or who lose their perspective and project their own frustrated ambitions onto their children, should not attend sporting events.
I urge all parents to review the guidelines you have submitted, and consider the messages they are giving to their children -- intentionally or unintentionally.
DEAR ABBY: Morse code is NOT dead! I am president of the Lone Star Chapter of the Morse Telegraph Club. We have chapters in many cities in the United States and Canada. On May 28, our chapter will have a table at a train show in Fort Worth, Texas, and will demonstrate Morse code sending and receiving. Other chapters also do demonstrations.
We are mostly retired railroad and Western Union telegraphers, but also have members who are ham radio operators. We welcome new members. -- EUGENE WOOD, MADILL, OKLA.
DEAR EUGENE: Oops! I'm pleased to know that the announcement of the demise of Morse code was premature, that some people still use it and there is still an interest in it.
P.S. How do you say "sorry" in Morse code?
CONFIDENTIAL TO MY READERS: Easter will soon be here, and many people regard it as an occasion to give pets to small children. A word of caution: If you plan to surprise a child with a live baby rabbit, duckling or chick, please consider that living creatures need proper care. Unless you are ABSOLUTELY certain that the little pet will receive the care it needs to survive, please give a stuffed bird or rabbit instead. Regardless of how cute baby birds and animals are, they should not be given to children on impulse.
To receive a collection of Abby's most memorable -- and most frequently requested -- poems and essays, send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby's "Keepers," P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)