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by Abigail Van Buren

DEAR ABBY: My fiance and I are being married next year, and we have decided to start a new wedding tradition. Along with registering for housewares, china and place settings, we are requesting something straight from the heart of each of our guests.

We are asking our friends and families to donate blood in honor of our marriage! We want our guests to have the opportunity to give a gift that will truly last forever in someone's life. We have been donating blood together for several years, and it makes us feel great.

Our local blood center will set up a group number especially for our guests to use when they come in to give blood. They'll also keep track of the donations so we'll be able to personally thank each donor for his or her special gift.

Knowing that we have helped to save lives will add to the joy we will experience on our wedding day. -- BLEEDING HEARTS IN DENVER

DEAR BLEEDING HEARTS: I commend you and your fiance for your ingenuity and generosity. You've come up with a bloody good idea, and I hope it inspires others.

DEAR ABBY: I hope that 27-year-old married woman who told you she fantasized about kissing her "friend" will listen to what I have to say on the subject. I was the same age she is when I headed down that path, and I have a few tips I'd like to pass on:

Not only is that man not her friend, he's her enemy, her husband's enemy, and an enemy to her marriage. Long before she has ceased obsessing over that scoundrel, he will have forgotten her and moved on to his next victim. He will pull her down to his level until she has rationalized away her illicit behavior and no longer cares what it does to her marriage.

That little "adventure" will create in her a wandering spirit that no number of liaisons with him -- or the next suitor -- will satisfy. Her acquaintances will consider her loose and easy whether she consummates the flirtation or just plays around.

Full-blown affairs always begin with "harmless" little flirtations -- which are neither harmless nor little. While she's enjoying her trysts, she is robbing her husband of the mental, emotional and physical affection that is due him alone. The affair will leave permanent scars on her and her marriage that time will not erase.

How I wish someone had taken me aside and shared these facts with me. I was selfish and foolish, and have nothing to show for it but a divided and sorrowful heart. Abby, I hope she realizes before it's too late that it's up to her to direct her energies toward keeping her marriage alive and well, and that her husband needs her full attention. -- VOICE OF EXPERIENCE, PORTSMOUTH, N.H.

DEAR VOICE: I agree. The young woman who was tempted to act on her strong attraction to her "friend" is playing with fire. I hope she'll listen to you, if she wasn't inclined to listen to me.

For everything you need to know about wedding planning, order "How to Have a Lovely Wedding." Send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby, Wedding Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)

4520 Main St., Kansas City, Mo. 64111; (816) 932-6600