For everything you need to know about wedding planning, order "How to Have a Lovely Wedding." Send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby, Wedding Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)
New Photo Technologies Bring Both Opportunities and Flaws
DEAR ABBY: I'd like to comment on a letter from the president of a large photo company. Even the great yellow father, Kodak, now makes digital cameras and programs to print them on one's own computer.
Any picture taken with the most expensive digital or automatic camera, down to the homemade Boy Scout cardboard camera, is a photograph.
Any color photograph will in time fade if left in sunlight or fluorescent light.
The ink in computer printers is heated to a high temperature before being blasted onto the receiving paper. The photos are being developed as high-tech as possible, and, as yet, have not been able to pass the test of time.
With the digital camera, a photograph can be taken, and in a matter of minutes be sent by e-mail to all parts of the world.
If anyone doubts the statements I have made, they can be verified with Kodak or Fuji films or Canon or Hewlett Packard. -- JOHN R. BURNS JR., CHESAPEAKE, VA.
DEAR JOHN: I received more than a few letters from individuals who thought that the letter I printed was biased -- and attempting to promote a business that is threatened by digital technology. I did not regard it that way, and printed it because I thought it would help people protect their photographic images.
DEAR ABBY: Mr. Robertson, the president of 1-Hour Photo Corp., made a very good point about backing up priceless family images with film negatives. What he neglected to say was that color prints, even properly stored, have a life expectancy far less than that of one human generation.
The solution? Black and white, of course. Black-and-white images, when printed on high-quality black-and-white photographic paper and developed properly, should last approximately 200 years. But I must caution your readers: Do not be taken in by processors who would tell you, "Black and white is black and white." Not so! Some developers are now printing black-and-white images on color photographic paper. Those images will fade as quickly as if they were printed from a color negative.
Of course, you should shoot the colorful balloons at your baby's first birthday party in color. But please take some black-and-white pictures, too. In a few years, the frosting on the birthday cake is going to look moldy in those color prints. When you must use color, nothing can beat slides. Prints can be made from them for albums, but the brilliantly projected image on a screen can't compare with passing around a 4-by-6-inch piece of paper.
"Monochrome" images can be oil-tinted, sepia-toned or left alone. But one thing is for sure: No matter the race of your family, the faces of your grandparents will never turn green or purple if they are preserved in black-and-white. -- DENNIS C. HUNT, FRESNO, CALIF.
DEAR DENNIS: I'm sure many readers will be as surprised as I was to know that color prints have such a short "shelf life" -- and that they must be so specific about the kind of paper they want black-and-white pictures printed on. Thank you for the input.
Grocery Store Parking Lots Aren't Safe for Kids in Carts
DEAR ABBY: Yesterday at the grocery store, I observed a woman with two young children in the parking lot. While she loaded her groceries and her toddler from the cart into her van, she left the younger child (under a year old) sitting in the cart behind her vehicle.
The scene brought back an incident when my own child was just a year old. I parked the grocery cart at the rear of my small pickup truck and hesitated only a moment before deciding to load my child into the pickup before my purchases. I had taken only three steps when a car pulling out of the parking space directly behind me slammed into my grocery cart hard enough that the cart dented the tailgate of my truck. Customers all over the parking lot heard the impact. Even if my child had not died from the impact, he would have been seriously -- and possibly permanently -- injured.
During the time that this woman took to load her toddler and groceries, the cart and the baby were out of her line of sight. Someone could have pulled up and taken her child, could have hit the cart, or the cart could have rolled into the path of a car.
Abby, please remind your readers that the most important thing in a grocery cart is your child. Always put the child (or children) in the car first. -- DIANE IN SCAPPOOSE, ORE.
DEAR DIANE: When I read your letter, the hairs on my arms stood straight up! In case other parents need this reminder: If a child is a passenger in the grocery cart, the cart should be placed beside the parent's vehicle where it's protected from traffic. And, of course, the child (or children) should be placed first in the vehicle.
DEAR ABBY: The letter regarding calendars depicting almost nude women hanging in businesses frequented by both men and women brought back an incident that I experienced.
I worked in a car radio company and had to regularly visit the garage where the radios were installed. The installers had many calendars in their work areas that offended me, some depicting completely nude women.
I spoke to the owner (a woman) about my feelings and she had the perfect solution. She bought a magazine (Playgirl) that contained photos of completely naked men and tacked a few of the pics up in the garage. The installers had a fit, telling her that the pictures were "obscene." Needless to say, all the girlie pics were down the next day!
By the way, this was 25 years ago, long before there were any laws regarding sexual harassment. -- JO IN LARGO, FLA.
DEAR JO: What's good for the gander is good for the goose! I have to wonder at the logic that pictures of nude women are art and pictures of nude men are obscene, since both the subjects were formed by the same creator.
CONFIDENTIAL TO "CONSIDERING DIPLOMACY AS A CAREER": Art Linkletter described diplomacy succinctly: "The art of jumping into troubled water without making a splash."
What teens need to know about sex, drugs, AIDS, and getting along with peers and parents is in "What Every Teen Should Know." To order, send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby, Teen Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)
Here's One Grandmother Who Won't Baby Proof Her House
DEAR ABBY: I'll bet you get plenty of letters from grannies responding to "Bent Out of Shape in Bend, Ore." Here is MY response. You may use it if you choose:
To "Bent Out of Shape": I laughed myself silly when I read how exhausted you were after visiting Granny with your 18-month-old son. Granny doesn't have to read a "current baby/toddler book" to get the "new information" on baby-proofing a house. Granny raised YOU without all the modern gadgets. She used a tool you may not have heard of -- a firm and gentle "NO."
She also used a useful device called a playpen to get an hour or so of rest a day from following a toddler around. I'm sorry to inform you that you'll be exhausted for the next 18 years. The entire world is a hazardous place, and it is YOUR job to protect your own child.
When my grandchildren come to visit, I provide everything: food, cribs, toys, baby gates, entertainment, bibs, diapers, etc., and I watch them as closely as I can. I give the parents a break by baby sitting a night or so during their stay. I also tuck a little extra cash in their pockets to help out when I can.
If you want Granny's house baby-proofed for your visit, I suggest YOU bring all the gadgets and baby-proof the house yourself. Please remember to put all the gadgets, litter boxes, detergents, chemicals, coins, photos, candles and other things back where they belong before you leave.
I laughed myself silly because if you think YOU are exhausted when you leave Granny's house, think how exhausted Granny is. We Grannies did our jobs 20 years ago, and trust me, babies were the same then as they are now. It's just YOUR turn to do the work. We Grannies have a golf game. -- LAUGHING GRANNY
DEAR LAUGHING GRANNY: I have taken some lumps for my answer to that letter. And while I agree that it is the parent's job to watch the toddler, the writer of that letter had a point. Anyone who is going to regularly have small children in the house would be well advised to make sure that chemicals, medications and breakables are placed out of reach. You would never forgive yourself if your and your daughter's attention were diverted for a few minutes and the child was seriously hurt, or worse. Read on:
DEAR ABBY: "Bent Out of Shape" may be dealing with a difference in parenting styles. My mother also complained about my brother's request that she baby-proof the house before the visit of her first grandchild.
Mother believed that correcting a toddler when it reached for a low-lying table was the way to introduce limits and teach respect for other people's things. While she accepted the need to remove dangerous items, she wanted to keep her "nice" things in place. She felt it was the parents' responsibility to watch the child and was annoyed when their attention wandered and her grandchild got into something.
Happily it didn't take long for her to have a change of heart. Mom got tired of worrying about her prized breakables and eventually moved the most precious out of reach. She also got tired of trying to converse with adults who were constantly on the alert.
Child-proofing my house made my job easier and far more pleasant. As my children grew, I gradually returned the breakables to their places, teaching them not to touch. By the time my youngest was 3, everything was back in place and we hadn't lost a thing.
"Bent" may want to have a talk with her mother about this. -- ALL INTACT IN ATLANTA
For an excellent guide to becoming a better conversationalist and a more attractive person, order "How to Be Popular." Send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby Popularity Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)