For an excellent guide to becoming a better conversationalist and a more attractive person, order "How to Be Popular." Send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby Popularity Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)
Weather Radios Stand Sentry as Guards Against Bad Storms
DEAR ABBY: Again the other morning the news was about the terrible losses from a tornado striking in the middle of the night -- this time in south Georgia. Could you please tell people about weather-warning radios? Sadly, they seem to be a well-kept secret.
After tornadoes struck at night in other states last year, I bought weather radios for each of my children's homes and for myself. They're relatively inexpensive ($30 to $60) and can be tucked in a corner, out of the way. What they do is respond to a radio signal from the NOAA (National Oceanic and Atmospheric Administration) when dangerous weather is imminent. The signal turns on the radio to alert people.
The radio at our house is in the hallway outside our bedrooms. It's tuned to the nearest weather station, with the volume up all the way. At 2:30 a.m. on the night the storm hit Georgia, we were awakened by the signal and the warning of a potentially dangerous storm. Luckily, we had only torrential rain and some tree-trimming wind. At least we knew what was happening and could have made it to the basement if things had gotten worse.
We are blessed with attentive weather people on television and at NOAA who notify us of impending storms. However, at night there is no better way to learn of impending bad weather than from a weather radio. I'd rather be awakened for a storm that doesn't turn bad than chance what happened to those poor folks in Georgia.
Thanks, Abby, for giving me a forum. I hope you'll consider this letter worth printing. -- JANET H. MAHANNAH, GASTONIA, N.C.
DEAR JANET: Your letter is certainly worth space in my column. I'm sure there are many other individuals like me who have never heard of weather-warning radios.
After reading your letter, I made some inquiries about NOAA Weather Radios, which continually broadcast National Weather Service forecasts, warnings and other important weather information. They can be programmed to receive information specific to a certain geographic area.
The NOAA Weather Radio is the one government-operated radio system that provides direct warnings to the public for natural and manmade hazards -- from floods to forest fires to oil spills.
The radios are available at many retail stores that sell electronic appliances, marine supply stores, truck stops, cable shopping networks, mail-order catalogs and the Internet. They cost from $20 to $80 depending on the model.
For people who live in areas where violent storms occur, a NOAA weather radio could be a lifesaver. However, while most areas in the country are covered by the NOAA warning system, a few areas may not be, so ask at your local National Weather Service office before you purchase the weather radio.
DEAR ABBY: In your column, you have indicated your interest in thoughts on friendship. I am a member of the Jesuit community in Wauwatosa, Wis. During a clergy renewal semester at Notre Dame University, I developed the following statement:
"A true and genuine friend, one of those very few special persons who enter my life, is one with whom I can share my brokenness without feeling cheapened." -- RENEWED CLERGYMAN
DEAR RENEWED: Your words are beautiful, and I know they'll resonate with my readers as they did with me.
P.S. Please don't feel "cheapened in your brokenness." None of us emerge from the kiln of life without a few cracks, which lend character to the finish.
Wife Bites Her Tongue When Guests Hang Around for Dinner
DEAR ABBY: We have a problem with relatives not knowing when a visit should end. They call on weekend afternoons to say they'll be stopping over for an hour or so. Well, the couple of hours stretch into five or six, and then it's dinnertime.
How does one "push" these uninvited guests out the door so that we can proceed with our dinner? I'm not prepared for four, five or six dinner "guests" -- nor do I feel I should be.
It has become very stressful, since these are my husband's relatives and I must watch what I say, and I don't even want these people visiting. Don't people realize how rude it is to overstay their visit? -- STEAMED IN MINNESOTA
DEAR STEAMED: I'm sure that most people realize it's rude to overstay their welcome -- but when it comes to "family," they suspend the formalities.
The next time it happens, do what many other families do. Say, "Let's order out for a pizza and split the bill!"
DEAR ABBY: My wife and I have a dilemma and hope you can provide an answer. We will soon celebrate our 40th anniversary. We want to have a small dinner for those people who were in our wedding party. (There are only a few left.) We would also like to invite some close friends.
We would like to include something in our invitations that would relay a "sincere message" that we do not want any gifts. The presence of our friends and family to help us celebrate this occasion is the best gift we could receive.
Please do not reveal my name. We have not completed our guest list, and I would not like to slight anyone. -- WANTS TO OFFEND NO ONE
DEAR WANTS: Yours is a question I receive at least once a year. The message can be worded as follows: "No gifts, please. Your presence will be our cherished gift, and we respectfully request no other."
DEAR ABBY: As I type this letter I am eating the last bite of a slice of the cheesecake that I made yesterday for my family. It is, of course, your wonderful recipe. I have made about 15 of them since the recipe was last printed in the newspaper. My family loves it. The only dessert they have raved about as much is your pecan pie recipe. I don't much care for pecan pie myself -- but I love this one.
It was mentioned in your column that you have written a cookbooklet. I would like to know where to get one or two. I love to find delicious recipes that are also easy to prepare. -- GAIL SAUNDERS, KANSAS CITY, MO.
DEAR GAIL: I'm delighted that my dessert recipes have been such a hit with your family. I have actually published two cookbooklets: "Dear Abby's Favorite Recipes," followed by "More Favorite Recipes by Dear Abby." (The cheesecake recipe is found in the first one, but there are recipes that are equally delicious in the second one as well.)
If you're as busy as I am -- and most people are these days -- yet want to serve something special to your family and friends, you'll find delectable, easy recipes for foods from appetizers to fabulous desserts. All of my recipes have to be easy to assemble as well as tasty because during the last 40 years I haven't had a lot of time to spend in the kitchen!
To order my family recipes, send a long, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 for each booklet ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby Cookbooklets, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054. (Postage is included.)
Man in Abusive Relationship Also Fights Others' Disbelief
DEAR ABBY: Finally, someone was willing to point out that women can be as abusive as men. The letter I'm referring to came from "Worried Mother in Oregon." When I read the "15 Reasons to Leave Your Lover, Warning Signs of an Abusive Personality," I was disappointed, but not surprised. You have no idea how many men are in abusive relationships. People assume that women can never be as violent or controlling as men. It's even harder to believe if the man is much bigger than the woman.
Because of my ex-wife, I lost my dream job and several friends. This woman had kicked, punched, choked and scratched me. She had thrown things at me in the middle of the night. Possessions of mine were destroyed or tossed outside. I never wanted to fight with her. If there was a problem, I tried to communicate by talking things out. She preferred to hit or verbally assault me.
I tried to leave several times so I could cool down and the children wouldn't have to see any more violence. My wife would stop me by blocking the door or threatening to call the police. If one of us did call the police, I was always the one who had to leave.
Because I believe so strongly in family and having two parents in the house, I kept coming back. Things only got worse. I tried to convince my wife, whom I still cared about, to go to counseling with me. She refused, saying I was the one who needed help.
Well, I got the help I needed -- my dignity and self-worth are returning and I'm finally out of the situation. However, the problem remains unsolved because she still wants to control what I do with my children and the time I have with them. Since I will not allow her to do this, she has become more desperate and volatile.
I pressed charges when she hit me while I was picking up the children. The police would not take her to jail; they just talked to her. This is the main reason why you do not hear much about men who are abused. If we hit a woman, we automatically get a ride to jail. Unless you have it on camera, with 20 witnesses and the judge present, a woman can do what she wants.
For men in abusive relationships, all I can say is, "Get out as fast as you can. It will take time to heal, but you'll be much better off." -- THE OTHER SIDE OF THE STORY
DEAR OTHER SIDE: No one -- male or female -- should raise a hand in anger toward the other. Since your wife seems to have such poor control of her anger, it concerns me that your children are in her care. If incidents of female-to-male violence are not being taken seriously, I'm stating for the record that police should have further training to help them to deal evenhandedly with abuse by both sexes.
DEAR ABBY: Please advise your readers to take the time to get the telephone number of an emergency animal clinic before they need it.
Tonight my neighbor's dog was hit by a car. Valuable time was saved because she had the telephone number of an after-hours emergency animal clinic programmed into her cell phone. Luckily, I also had a card for the clinic with a map and directions on the back.
When an accident occurs, moments count. A moment of preparation now could save a precious life later. -- A.J. WARE, ATLANTA
DEAR A.J.: That's a terrific suggestion, and I'm pleased to pass it along to my pet-owning and animal-loving readers. Consider it added insurance against the unexpected.
P.S. It's also a good idea, when traveling with your pet, to take along its vaccination and medical records. In case of an emergency, the vet will need them.
Good advice for everyone -- teens to seniors -- is in "The Anger in All of Us and How to Deal With It." To order, send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby, Anger Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)