For an excellent guide to becoming a better conversationalist and a more attractive person, order "How to Be Popular." Send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby Popularity Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)
Despite Divorce, Woman Is Still 'Mrs.' to Her Mom
DEAR ABBY: My mother and I have been discussing the proper way to address an envelope to a divorced lady. I have been divorced for several years and am on very good terms with my ex-husband and his wife.
Last year, my aunt sent me a Christmas card to "Mrs. Albert Jones." It was ironic that it arrived on a day when my ex and his wife were at my house. I looked at my ex's wife and said, "This must be for you!" Knowing my aunt, we all laughed about it.
I spoke with my mother and asked her to tell her sister not to address me in that manner. I am divorced from Albert and am no longer his wife. (As a matter of fact, Mrs. Albert Jones does exist -- and it's not me!!)
This year, my aunt has at least improved a bit. She sent my Christmas card to "Mrs. Tina Smith." I again spoke with my mother and told her that since I have been divorced for several years, I do not consider myself a "Mrs." My mother replied that it is still proper to address a divorced woman as "Mrs." I do not believe this is correct. I explained to my mother that in the case of a death, the wife could continue to use her husband's name -- but not in the case of a divorce. Which one of us is right, Abby? -- TINA IN ORLANDO, FLA.
DEAR TINA: Your mother is correct. A divorced woman may take back her maiden name (Miss Jane Smith), or she may properly be addressed as Mrs. first name plus her husband's last name (Mrs. Jane Jones).
DEAR ABBY: I am a 29-year-old divorced father with a 6-year-old son. My relationship with my ex-wife has been OK over the past three years -- not much fighting -- as our divorce was mutual. I don't hang out with her, but she comes to my parents' house on our son's birthday and at Christmas to watch him open gifts. In the summer, she watches him play basketball while I coach. My family gets along well with her.
The problem is my new girlfriend. She moved from out of state 10 months ago to be with me. I love my girlfriend very much and she loves me, but she feels that my ex-wife's presence is weird, and it really upsets her.
Should I tell my parents that I don't think my ex-wife should come to family parties, or does my girlfriend need to accept that this is the way my life is -- and she's just going to have to deal with it? -- CAUGHT IN THE MIDDLE
DEAR CAUGHT: I see no reason to "fix" something that isn't broken. If your girlfriend wants a future with you, she'd be wise to back off a little.
You and your ex-wife are not making your son choose one of you over the other, and your girlfriend should be grateful that your ex isn't jealous of her and that everyone gets along. All divorces should be as amicable as yours.
CONFIDENTIAL TO 'POOR IN MONTANA': "Nowadays, we think of a philanthropist as someone who donates big sums of money, yet the word is derived from two Greek words, 'philos' (loving) and 'anthropos' (man): loving man. All of us are capable of being philanthropists. We can give of ourselves." -- Edward Lindsey
One Patient's Plea for Mercy Is Echoed by Countless Others
DEAR ABBY: I have kept the enclosed column of yours for many years. It is yellowed and frayed at the edges, but it carries a strong message that many people are unable or unwilling to hear. Would you please print it again? -- GERTRUDE IN VERO BEACH
DEAR GERTRUDE: Here it is. Many people identify with its message. Read on:
LET ME GO
Pardon me, doctor, but may I die?
I know your oath requires you to try to keep me alive
So long as my body is warm and there is a breath of life.
But listen, Doc, I've buried my spouse,
My children are grown and on their own.
My friends are all gone, and I want to go, too.
No mortal man should keep me here
When the call from Him is unmistakably clear.
I DESERVE the right to slip quietly away.
My work is done and I am tired.
Your motives are noble, but now I pray,
You can read in my eyes what my lips can't say.
Listen to my heart and you'll hear it cry,
Pardon me, Doc, but may I die?
DEAR READERS: If people (of any age) are enjoying their lives and want to live, fine -- keep them comfortable and happy as possible, but those who can no longer find any joy in life should not be forced to go on living.
Before you or a loved one reach a critical stage of illness, a durable power of attorney for health care form (or whatever form is applicable for your state) should be filled out and placed in your medical records. Appropriate forms are available in most hospitals.
With this document you designate a family member or friend to carry out your wishes if you are unable to make medical decisions for yourself. The form tells physicians in advance whether you want them to perform "heroic measures" to keep you alive if you are in a coma and will never regain consciousness, or have no hope for a meaningful quality of life.
DEAR ABBY: My parents will be celebrating their 50th anniversary this month. I am interested in any ideas you might have to make the party unique. I have three small girls ages 7, 5 and 3 who might be able to do a small performance, etc. Any ideas? -- STUCK IN 2000
DEAR STUCK: Yes. The "girls" could sing, "Happy Anniversary to you" (three times in unison), take a bow, then smile sweetly, and leave the audience begging for more!
For an excellent guide to becoming a better conversationalist and a more attractive person, order "How to Be Popular." Send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby Popularity Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)
Boyfriend's Family Invitation Will Be Opportunity to Learn
DEAR ABBY: I am an inexperienced college student in need of relationship advice. I am involved with a wonderful man who attends the same college. We are deeply in love; however, our hometowns are on opposite sides of the country.
This summer, I may have the opportunity to work in his area. His family has graciously invited me to live at their home, which would lower my living expenses considerably. It would also be a wonderful chance to spend time with him and his family. As this relationship is nearly my first, I realize my naivete could get me into trouble.
I feel miserable at the idea of being away from him all summer, so I don't want to turn down the offer. Are there any reasons why living with his family for 10 weeks could threaten or damage our relationship? Let me know if you think I may be getting in over my head. -- OPTIMISTIC IN OLYMPIA, WASH.
DEAR OPTIMISTIC: If you and this young man are serious about each other, spending the summer with his family will give them a terrific opportunity to get to know you -- and you to see the environment in which he was raised. Since you have mentioned no objection from your parents, and it's always wise to "look before you leap," go for it. At the very least, it will be a valuable learning experience.
DEAR ABBY: My wife works for a small company with fewer than 12 people. We want to have a party, but there is one employee I don't want to invite because she never stops talking, is loud and opinionated on every subject, and says vulgar things in mixed company. We don't consider her a friend.
My wife is afraid it would be wrong not to invite everyone. What do you think? -- PARTY PLANNER IN L.A.
DEAR PARTY PLANNER: If you were planning a party and inviting social friends, then it would be appropriate to invite only those you wish to attend. However, since you and your wife plan to have an "office party," every employee should be included.
If this opinionated co-worker got wind of the fact that she'd been excluded, your wife would hear about it -- loud and clear -- for months to come.
DEAR ABBY: My just-turned-18-year-old daughter wants to go away for a weekend with her 19-year-old boyfriend of six months. His 22-year-old brother and girlfriend are going to a family-owned ski cabin for a weekend and want his brother and my daughter to go along.
We said no; my daughter thinks we're ancient and sees nothing wrong with it. They are not sexually active. What do you say, Abby? Are we ancient? -- DAD
DEAR DAD: You're not ancient; you're prudent. Your daughter is an adult, but if she is living in your home, you have the right to set the rules. She may not be sexually active, but the most effective way to avoid temptation is to avoid situations that may be tempting.
Abby shares her favorite recipes in two booklets: "Abby's Favorite Recipes" and "Abby's More Favorite Recipes." To order, send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 per booklet ($4.50 each in Canada) to: Dear Abby Booklets, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in price.)