To receive a collection of Abby's most memorable -- and most frequently requested -- poems and essays, send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby's "Keepers," P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)
DEAR ABBY: When my father was in the hospital for cancer treatment (surgery and chemotherapy), a doctor examined my father's surgical wound without first washing his hands. When I asked the doctor to please wash his hands, he appeared angry. After that incident, my mother was afraid to ask anyone to wash his or her hands before attending to my father, because she wanted them to be nice to him. We were at their mercy.
I have seen doctors, nurses, technicians and other hospital personnel come into a patient's room and either not wash their hands, or simply run water over their hands before attending to a patient. I have also seen some people come into a patient's room with a cold.
In an article in the Annals of Internal Medicine (Jan. 19, 1999), a study showed that not only do health-care workers wash their hands less frequently than they should, but they do not wash them for even 10 seconds -- even though most protocols require 30 seconds of hand-washing. Studies have shown that washing hands for less than 10 to 15 seconds has limited effectiveness. Hands must be washed before putting on gloves, for just putting on gloves does not protect patients well enough.
An article in The New York Times (Nov. 9, 1999) reported that a study at Duke University found that only 17 percent of physicians treating patients in intensive care units washed their hands appropriately. The Times went on to report that, according to the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention, 5 percent of the people admitted to hospitals, about 1.8 million patients a year, will pick up an infection there, and 20,000 of them will die as a direct result. By contrast, 17,171 Americans died of AIDS in 1998. Hospital-acquired infections will contribute to the deaths of 70,000 more people.
Abby, this is a serious problem. Please help patients and their families speak up when they see a health-care worker failing to wash his or her hands properly. Also, please urge doctors, nurses and other health-care workers to do the right thing and wash their hands with soap for 30 seconds before touching a patient. -- DAUGHTER OF A PATIENT
DEAR DAUGHTER: Your letter is shocking, and I'm pleased to help spread the message. The Mayo Clinic, the world-renowned medical mecca in Minnesota, has sponsored "Infection Awareness Week" programs. Perhaps it's time other hospitals followed suit. Part of the campaign included prominently displaying posters along the corridors of the Mayo hospital complex that depicted a pair of hands under the terse message: "THE 10 MOST COMMON CAUSES OF INFECTION."
Doctors, nurses and other employees of the Mayo Clinic were reminded to wash their hands frequently by other posters bearing a catchy slogan: "A milligram of hand-washing is worth a kilogram of antibiotics."
I urge anyone who encounters a medical professional who fails to adhere to recommended hygiene practices to speak up about it and to report it to the hospital administrator in writing. I am told that instead of hand-washing, some institutions use alcohol-based hand rises and gels containing softeners that remove bacteria and are less irritating or drying to the hands.
Proper hygienic practices are an essential part of high-quality medical care. No one should settle for less.
To Grandma's House We Go if First It's Baby Proofed
DEAR ABBY: I am a first-time mother of a beautiful 18-month-old son. My mother is crazy about being a grandma and begs me to come for extended visits so she can get to know her grandson. I just returned from a week's visit -- and I am exhausted. Why? Because Mother refuses to "baby-proof" her house for our visits, so I spend all my time watching my son to ensure that he doesn't break something valuable, or get into the bleach under the kitchen sink.
Every baby book you buy stresses the importance of baby-proofing during the toddler years, so here are a few suggestions I have for grandparents who want their grandchildren to have a safe visit:
1. Move all cleaning supplies, cosmetics and room deodorizers UP to a high shelf or cupboard.
2. Invest in outlet covers and drawer and cupboard locks. They are inexpensive and easy to remove after visits.
3. Put away all hard candies, coins, glass-framed photos, candles, and anything of sentimental value before your grandchild arrives.
4. Plants, animal litter boxes, pet food, detergents and caustic chemicals should be out of reach and out of sight.
5. Sharp-edged furniture, such as coffee tables or end tables, should have easily installed corner protectors applied, or should be turned on their sides during visits.
One of my girlfriends told me that when she's coming for a visit, her mother buys diapers, baby wipes and appropriate baby food. She also has bibs, baby cups and spoons on hand. She even buys age-appropriate toys to keep at her house so her granddaughter has special toys to look forward to playing with during the visit.
In most cases, it's been about 20 years since these grandparents have been around babies. I think if they would read a current baby/toddler book, they would be surprised to learn about the new information available. -- BENT OUT OF SHAPE IN BEND, ORE.
DEAR BENT IN BEND: Your suggestions for grandparents seem sensible to me, and worth sharing with any new grandparent who might be out of touch. Since your mother seems to fall into that category, send her a book on baby/toddler child care as a gift. It could save her, you and your son a lot of stress or even an unfortunate accident.
DEAR ABBY: While on a whitewater rafting trip, I was rescued from drowning by a man in a kayak, and I can't stop thinking about him. I am happily married, but am worried that I have "fallen in love" with the man who saved my life.
The man not only pulled me out of the water, he held my hand and kept eye contact for 15 minutes while I was in shock. He took care of me until I felt safe again.
I sent him a four-page thank-you letter. Now I watch the mailbox, waiting for a reply. What can I do to close this matter? Have I fallen in love with "my hero"? -- GRATEFUL SURVIVOR
DEAR GRATEFUL: You are confusing gratitude with love, and ordinarily people do not respond to letters of thanks.
Think of the experience this way: The man saved your life so you and your husband can enjoy many more years of happily married life together.
What teens need to know about sex, drugs, AIDS, and getting along with peers and parents is in "What Every Teen Should Know." To order, send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby, Teen Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)
Wife Is Drenched in Sorrow After Dousing Former Flame
DEAR ABBY: I was a mother of two young children and a happily married woman until I got involved with a married former flame. Years ago I was crazy about him, but he didn't feel the same about me so I went on with my life. When our paths crossed several months ago, neither one of us thought we'd be unfaithful to our spouses, but we couldn't stay away, and I fell totally in love with him again. We both agreed we are soul mates, but unfortunately it wasn't meant to be.
The affair has now ended, and I am having a hard time going on with my life. I don't feel the same about my husband -- who is a wonderful husband and father. I feel so lucky I didn't get caught and lose everything. I want my happiness with my life back. I know if I hadn't crossed that line I wouldn't be in this mess. I'm afraid to go to counseling, as it may draw attention from my husband -- but I don't know how to cope and let go of those feelings of love for the other man.
Can people really fall back in love after having an affair? What can I do to get on with my life? I am trying to be strong one day at a time. -- SORRY NOW IN SOUTH CAROLINA
DEAR SORRY NOW: Take the chance and get counseling. It will help you assess what made you so vulnerable to the affair, and to take stock of what's important in your marriage. Yes, it is possible for couples to "fall in love again." And one of the strongest motivators is recognizing the reasons they needed each other in the first place.
DEAR ABBY: You advised a reader who signed herself "Stacking the Odds in Oregon" to contact Al-Anon and inquire about an intervention program for her mother. I have been an Al-Anon member for more than eight years and would like to set the record straight because Al-Anon has changed my life.
Al-Anon is NOT a referral program. Please do NOT call if you are looking for a rehabilitation center, intervention program or therapist. Al-Anon is not allied with any sect, denomination, political entity, organization or institution. Al-Anon does not engage in any controversy, and neither endorses nor opposes any cause. There are no dues for membership; Al-Anon is self-supporting through its own voluntary contributions.
Al-Anon is a fellowship of relatives and friends of alcoholics who share their experience, strength and hope in order to solve their common problems. Al-Anon has but one purpose: to help families of alcoholics.
Because of Al-Anon, my life is filled with joy, friendship, hope and love, where once there was only sadness, loneliness, despair and anger. Please, Abby, let your readers know that if they are affected by another person's drinking, Al-Anon may help. We're in the phone book. -- AL-ANONYMOUS IN TARZANA, CALIF.
DEAR ANONYMOUS: Thank you for writing to remind me that if people need intervention for someone with an alcohol or drug problem, it must be arranged with the institution in which the patient will be detoxed or rehabilitated -- NOT Al-Anon! I needed the reminder, and I want only to steer my readers in the right direction.
Good advice for everyone -- teens to seniors -- is in "The Anger in All of Us and How to Deal With It." To order, send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby, Anger Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)