For an excellent guide to becoming a better conversationalist and a more attractive person, order "How to Be Popular." Send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby Popularity Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)
Clean Hands Are First Line of Defense to Fight Off Colds
DEAR ABBY: Christmas came early last year: Our copier repairman at work gave me his cold. I spent Christmas Eve and Day with my cat, because I dared not inflict my cold on my elderly parents.
Abby, please remind your readers to cover their mouths when coughing or sneezing. A big thank-you. Sign me ... AAACHOO!
DEAR AAACHOO: You're welcome. (Gesundheit!)
As important as covering one's mouth when coughing or sneezing may be, it is equally important for EVERYONE to frequently wash their hands during cold season. Contrary to popular belief that colds are caught from germs flying through the air, more colds are caught because people cough and sneeze into their hands, and then touch objects that are touched by others (door handles, elevator buttons, stair rails, telephones). When their contaminated fingers touch their eyes or noses -- THAT is how colds are transmitted.
Frequent hand-washing (or sanitizing) is the best defense. Read on:
DEAR ABBY: As we all know the importance of washing our hands because illness can be transmitted by touching our eyes, nose and mouth, it amazes me that strangers have an uncontrollable desire to test a newborn infant's hand grasp. Don't they know that babies comfort themselves by putting their hands into their mouths?
It's flu season, Abby, so please ask your readers to try to keep their hands to themselves when they see a baby. Only their smiles, coos and kind words are appreciated by their parents. -- CALIFORNIA MOTHER OF TWO
DEAR MOTHER OF TWO: That makes good sense to me. Although tiny babies are almost irresistible, adults must bear in mind that the immune systems of infants are fragile, and make the effort to lessen their exposure to illnesses they may be ill-equipped to fight off.
DEAR ABBY: Why is it that after a couple has dated for more than two years, everyone assumes that they are ready to get married and that the woman is anxiously holding her breath waiting for the ring?
I am 31 years old and have been in a relationship for three years. While we are very happy, we feel we still need time before moving on to the next step. It amazes me when family and friends chastise my boyfriend and pity me because I haven't been so "lucky" as to have gotten engaged.
Abby, please tell people that it's NOT OK to assume every woman is dying to get married. I find this degrading and old-fashioned. I realize that everyone has good intentions, but if one more person asks me when he's finally going to pop the question, I just might "pop" that person. -- HAPPILY DATING IN NEW JERSEY
DEAR HAPPILY DATING: Before popping off, please consider that your family and friends are traditional thinkers. Your attitude is extremely contemporary. Until the last 15 or 20 years, it was most women's dream to be married -- and if they were in a steady relationship for more than two years without a commitment, the problem often was that the boyfriend was unwilling.
Years ago, girls used to dream about a little white house with a picket fence. Now, they're likely to dream about a corporate office with a couple of windows.
Son's Name Change Is Slap in the Face to His Family
DEAR ABBY: We just found out that one of our sons changed his last name. What a terrible blow to our family. We found out very painfully when his wife had a baby. We went to the hospital to see the newest member of our family and couldn't find a "Mrs. Barry Nofzinger." However, there WAS a "Mrs. Barry Gibson."
Barry had used the name "Gibson" before, when he was in sales. He said it was much easier to remember than Nofzinger. He never indicated that he was considering changing his name. When he remarried two years ago, he still used the name Nofzinger. As far as we know, the name change occurred prior to our grandson's birth.
When we asked why, he told us his current wife (Barry was married before) didn't want to be the "second" Mrs. Nofzinger. The funny thing is, Barry's first wife remarried long before our son met or married his current wife. She has used her present husband's name for years.
Barry contends that we're making too much of this. He expects his relationship with us will remain as it has always been. In fact, he expects his son to have the same kind of relationship with us that we have with our other grandchildren.
We have been good parents, Abby. We have given our love and support unconditionally to all our children. I pray that I can continue doing that, but right now, I'm so full of anger, pain and shame that I wonder if it wouldn't be best if I told our son we would prefer never to see him again.
Barry's father is very hurt, and his brothers are also upset. He's unable to understand why we feel this way.
Perhaps someday I won't feel like I have been slapped in the face every time I see "Gibson" instead of "Nofzinger" after his name. Please help me to let go of my anger. -- SEEING RED IN OREGON
DEAR SEEING RED: William Shakespeare was right when he said, "What's in a name? That which we call a rose by any other name would smell as sweet." It's no sin to change one's name -- and your son's having done so is no reflection upon how he feels about his siblings and you. You're making a mountain out of a molehill.
You say you're wondering if it wouldn't be best to tell your son you'd prefer never to see him again. Be careful what you wish for.
DEAR ABBY: Christmas is around the corner. Because our first child was due at Thanksgiving, I planned ahead and did as much of my shopping in advance as I could. The problem is, my husband's family expects everyone to buy presents for everyone else. This means we have to buy for 20 people! I don't mind buying for his parents and siblings, and even his grandparents, but the aunts, uncles and cousins are killing me.
We've bought everyone presents for the past two years and are still paying off credit cards from last year's purchases. I still have my parents and siblings to buy for, too. Money is tight because I'm off work now and will return to work only part time in a few months.
Abby, I don't see how we can afford to continue this tradition. My husband won't let me say anything to his family. Can you give me some advice? -- WANTING A SIMPLER CHRISTMAS
DEAR WANTING: Only this: If you continue trying to adhere to his family's "traditions," your little family will never be out of debt, and your financial burdens will continue to grow until they crush you. Since your husband won't "let" you explain this to his family, perhaps he will consent to accompany you to some credit counseling sessions. I hope they'll help him see the light.
What teens need to know about sex, drugs, AIDS, and getting along with peers and parents is in "What Every Teen Should Know." To order, send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby, Teen Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)
WORKER'S COLLEGE EDUCATION GETS NO RESPECT FROM BOSS
DEAR ABBY: I recently received my bachelor of science degree. It took determination and sacrifice to fulfill the requirements to graduate. Now that I have found a job where I can use my academic knowledge, I am finding stumbling blocks to career advancement. I work with managers who refuse to recognize the importance of an academic education.
Several of the upper-level managers attained their high-paying positions by staying with the company and working their way up the organizational ladder. They frequently comment that education is "overrated." I have great respect for these managers and their fortitude in staying with the same company; however, they belittle the value of education. I believe they are not aware of the time and energy one must expend to attain a degree.
I have also noticed that managers who have an advanced level of education appreciate what it takes to get a degree and don't minimize its value. Unfortunately, I must report directly to a lesser-educated manager, and I would appreciate your advice on how to handle the situation. -- SUPPORTS THE VALUE OF EDUCATION
DEAR SUPPORTS: Keep your mouth shut and your eye on the goal. Pointing out your manager's ignorance will make you an enemy.
College doesn't always teach the "practical" aspects of a job. Experience is also a great teacher. Learn, absorb and weigh everything your managers have to say. They would not be at the level to which they have risen had they not earned the respect of their employers.
DEAR ABBY: Twenty years ago, my high school civics teacher gave us a choice for a project: Write a research paper or perform 20 hours of volunteer work and report on the experience. For not completely altruistic reasons, I chose the volunteer experience because I thought it sounded more interesting -- not to mention easier!
That was one of the most memorable high school experiences I had. I didn't come from a perfect background (does anyone?), but it was good for me as an impressionable young person to see how those in true need lived. I will never forget rocking a baby who was born without eyes because his mother dallied with drugs during her pregnancy.
Most volunteer experiences aren't as sobering, but there is always something to learn. As a result of that school project, I have led a life of volunteering -- even if it is just an hour a week. In addition, I have introduced my children to the wonderful world of volunteering as young as age 3, and they love it. My parents were also volunteers.
Abby, please address the subject of volunteering with your readers. If they don't volunteer, they owe it to themselves to give it a try. It's a wonderful experience. Just when they think they will only be giving, lo and behold, they'll be receiving an education and a worthwhile experience. -- GRATEFUL TO BE ABLE TO HELP, ST. PAUL, MINN.
DEAR GRATEFUL: I agree volunteering can be gratifying. I heartily recommend it. The subject has been mentioned in this column before. Years ago, I volunteered my time to the Red Cross as a "Gray Lady," reading and writing letters for shut-ins. Later I worked for the Mental Health Association and to raise funds for the March of Dimes.
Volunteer work is emotionally rewarding, a sure cure for the blues and a self-esteem builder. Some people have stumbled onto fulfilling career opportunities through volunteering at hospitals, schools, shelters, etc.
Good advice for everyone -- teens to seniors -- is in "The Anger in All of Us and How to Deal With It." To order, send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby, Anger Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)