DEAR ABBY: I need to vent my frustration over two ludicrous and painful incidents that have occurred since my 21-year-old son, "John," passed away from cancer in 1994.
The oncology doctor who treated John and signed his death certificate moved to a new office in 1996. His staff then sent a "new address" notice -- addressed to our son.
I can top that. This week, we received a "relocation" notice from the mortuary that handled John's funeral. This, too, was addressed to John!
I can handle the music and video club mailings addressed to my son, even though I've written them numerous times informing them of John's death, but I never felt I needed to ask an oncology doctor or mortuary to remove my son's name from their list.
Don't mailing lists ever get updated or destroyed? -- JOHN'S MOTHER IN ALBUQUERQUE
DEAR MOM: You have my sympathy for your painful predicament. Although we know that no one lives forever -- immortality may indeed exist on hard-drives and computer discs.
Although mailing lists should be updated yearly, it's a task that often gets put on the back burner because of work overload. If you receive any more of these mailings, just toss them.
DEAR ABBY: What's the deal with women today? Why are we so neurotic and insecure when it comes to men?
I am a woman who happens to have many male friends. When one of them gets a girlfriend, she will watch me like a hawk and become angry if I say or do the "wrong" thing around him.
When one of my female friends gets a boyfriend, she'll drop "subtle" hints to me to stay away from her man and focus on my own relationships.
Abby, I am in no way a slut or a man-stealer, nor do I act, dress or give the impression that I am. None of the men I know perceives me this way, either. So I return to my original question: What's the deal with women today? -- STAMP OUT PARANOIA, PALMDALE, CALIF.
DEAR STAMP OUT: Jealousy and insecurity are one-size-fits-all clothes -- and they are worn by both men and women. They are flattering on neither, but they've been around since we were cave dwellers. And I agree, their place is on the rag pile.
DEAR ABBY: I am expecting my first child in a few months. A close friend is throwing a baby shower, which I am not supposed to know about.
I moved to the East Coast about 10 years ago, but I am originally from the Midwest. Many family members and friends still live there.
Would it be tacky to send them a baby shower invitation, or should I just send out a birth announcement? Or can I do both? I am not sure of the proper etiquette.
I still keep in touch with everyone and don't expect them to travel east for the shower. On the other hand, I know some of them would like to be informed of events surrounding the baby's arrival. My mother told me many of my relatives want to send gifts. Please help. -- FIRST-TIME MOM
DEAR FIRST-TIME MOM: Forgo sending shower invitations to anyone who is not expected to attend. It would appear to be a blatant bid for gifts. Since you're still in touch with everyone, the news is out about your pregnancy. Send a birth announcement after your baby arrives. And by the way -- congratulations!
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