For an excellent guide to becoming a better conversationalist and a more attractive person, order "How to Be Popular." Send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby Popularity Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)
Heart Patient Wants Good Life More Than Long Life
DEAR ABBY: I'm in my 50s, have a serious heart condition -- I almost died twice -- and am living on borrowed time. My doctors know it, my family knows it, and I know it. We have talked about it, as well as my living will and organ donation. We have also discussed at length QUALITY of life, as opposed to QUANTITY of life.
Some well-meaning people, out of a mistaken sense of kindness, would like me to do nothing but vegetate. I remind them I am still alive and able to do quite a few things. Perhaps vegetating would extend my life, but what would the "cost" be? Right now I can travel, do most of my own housework, putter in the flower garden and help my husband. While I cannot lift my grandchild or run in the yard with her, I can read to her and help her with the dishes.
It is demoralizing when people refuse to listen as I try to explain quality vs. quantity of life. I know they want me to be cautious because they fear losing me. I am afraid much of the time, and am in no hurry to "meet my Maker," but when that day does come, I'll die knowing I made the best of the most precious gift there is -- life.
Abby, please ask your readers to encourage and help those with limitations to live life to the fullest. And urge your readers who are blessed with good health not to waste it, but to use this gift of life for the good of all. -- LIVING LIFE IN NEW HAMPSHIRE
DEAR LIVING LIFE: I'm pleased to pass along your message. Our time on Earth is not infinite; therefore, our days should be spent the way we invest our money -- wisely.
You're a pragmatic woman. I admire your determination to suck as much of the juice out of the fruit of life as you can. Bon appetit!
DEAR ABBY: My 11-year-old son has cut his beautiful long eyelashes. I am heartbroken. Will they grow back? -- WORRIED MOM IN WASHINGTON
DEAR WORRIED MOM: They should grow back. I called my ophthalmologist, who assured me that the normal life cycle of an eyelash is six weeks. In practically no time, your son will be batting his eyelashes again.
P.S. Since sharp, pointed objects near the eyes can be very dangerous, inform your son that there will be severe penalties if he does it again.
DEAR ABBY: I've heard that you can fall in love with people you've met over the Internet, on blind dates or even dialing the wrong number -- but have you ever heard of people falling in love through a toilet bowl?
I am a female inmate in a county jail in California. Men and women here speak to each other through air vents and the plumbing system. We take all the water out and talk through the toilet bowls.
I have met a great guy. I've never seen him, but we have so much in common. After speaking with each other every day for a month, he told me he loved me and wanted to be my "one and only."
I haven't told him I love him yet, because I feel I can't trust my emotions as long as I am locked up. I suspect that I care a great deal about him.
Abby, have you ever heard of a toilet bowl romance? Do you think this is possible? -- BOWLED OVER IN CALIFORNIA
DEAR BOWLED OVER: Your letter is a first! The answer to your questions are: "No" and "I have my doubts." You may be pulling my chain, but I'll take your word that you are serious. Wait until you are both released and have gotten to know each other before you decide to give your heart to "John" Doe.
DEAR ABBY: I am a senior in high school, and I don't think I can take it anymore! I attend vocational school, in addition to my regular school, work part time, study, and have a boyfriend I'll call "Johnny." My relationship with Johnny is being held up because we can't find enough time to see each other. He also works and has a schedule similar to mine.
Abby, Johnny is my main concern at the moment. I don't know how to balance our schedules so we can have more time with each other. Please help. -- STRESSED-OUT SENIOR
DEAR STRESSED OUT: When people become stressed out, they need to take a "time-out" and evaluate their priorities. Let me give you something to consider while you do that.
You and Johnny are juggling extremely full schedules, doing what is necessary to establish secure futures for yourselves. I applaud you for it, and by the end of the school year, you'll both be rightfully proud of what you have accomplished.
Although you would like more time together, there are only so many hours in a day and so many days in the week. One of the definitions of maturity is the ability to postpone for tomorrow what you would like to be doing today. While it would be nice to spend more time together, it is essential that you both prioritize your schedules right now. In six months, you'll be finished with high school and have more time to spare. In the meantime, you're taking care of business. Keep your eye on the goal, and you'll be there before you know it.
DEAR ABBY: I have a problem with bugs in my bedroom. I have tried opening the window, closing the window, lights off, lights on, foggers, sanitizers -- but none of it works.
I typically get bitten five times during the night, always above my waist. My last two bites lasted a week. They itch and leave red marks. I don't know what to do. Help! -- BUGGED IN BOTHELL, WASH.
DEAR BUGGED: It's time for a consultation with your dermatologist. Show him or her the bites and see if the doctor can figure out what's causing them.
Once that's done, call a pest control company. Since home remedies haven't subdued your attackers, let the professionals resolve once and for all what's bugging you.
DEAR READERS: An estimated 80 percent of the population of western nations will experience at least one episode of severe back pain.
Of course, any individual who suffers from severe back pain should consult a doctor. Most patients are prescribed muscle relaxants, pain killers and/or sessions with a physical therapist, and given instructions for exercises to be performed at home. Does this mean the patient emerges pain-free? Not necessarily. For many people, the back pain persists to a greater or lesser degree for years.
A new book, "7 Steps to a Pain-Free Life," written by Robin McKenzie with Craig Kubey (published by Dutton), is now available in bookstores. Mr. McKenzie is an honored and respected physical therapist from New Zealand, and more than 20,000 health professionals worldwide have been trained in his methods. Most important, patients who have learned to use his exercises for back and neck pain assert that for the first time they could effectively manage -- or banish -- their own pain.
P.S. A word to the wise: Before beginning this, or any other exercise program designed to reduce pain from any condition, consult your doctor.
Abby shares her favorite recipes in two booklets: "Abby's Favorite Recipes" and "Abby's More Favorite Recipes." To order, send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 per booklet ($4.50 each in Canada) to: Dear Abby Cookbooklets I and II, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in price.)
Nurse Burdened With Grief Had Good Reason for Bad Attitude
DEAR ABBY: I am a registered nurse employed in a hospital. My daughter passed away in December from breast cancer. I worked up until two weeks prior to my daughter's death.
During that time, I made no mention to my co-workers about my daughter's grave condition. It was just too sad. Three weeks before my daughter died, my supervisor called me into her office and told me I had a "bad attitude."
I admit that I had kept my feelings to myself, and of course my demeanor reflected a sad expression, but my attitude was never "bad." I quickly responded to my supervisor, in my defense, that my daughter was dying and asked her how I was supposed to act. She told me there were other nurses who had gravely ill children, but they didn't behave the way I did. I replied that she should walk a mile in my shoes. She reiterated that I had a "bad attitude." I responded that since she seemed to be such an authority on behavior and dying children, perhaps she could enlighten me on how to "act" -- because I really didn't know.
I have since returned to work, and I now have a strong dislike for this person. I see her daily, and she has the nerve to speak to me after that unpleasant encounter. Abby, how do I get past this? She has apologized for her comments, but the damage has already been done. -- FURIOUS R.N. IN THE NORTHEAST
DEAR FURIOUS: It's unfortunate that your behavior was misunderstood, but since your colleagues had no way of knowing what you were going through at the time, your supervisor was only doing her job.
Please accept her apology and find it in your heart to forgive her. If you cannot, professional counseling to help you rechannel your grief and anger may be in order. Life is too precious to harbor resentments.
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DEAR ABBY: I'm writing about your response to "Disappointed in Seattle" regarding security in marriage. You above all should know that marriage does not necessarily mean security. You have printed enough letters from victims of marriages to have responded differently.
Abby, there are con-men, gamblers, alcoholics, abusers, and people who just abandon mates and children. Finding security in marriage is like catching a feather in the wind -- some catch it, most don't, no matter how hard they try.
Want security? Get your own job, open a bank account, and earn some self-esteem and confidence. Don't rely on someone else for your security. -- JOAN C. IN BAY SHORE, N.Y.
DEAR JOAN: While I agree that a marriage certificate is not a one-way ticket to easy street, the kind of security to which I was referring were rights of inheritance and, should illness strike, the authority to instruct doctors about each other's wishes.
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DEAR ABBY: This is just for you: Do you know the difference between a sewing machine and a kiss? A sewing machine sews nice seams, but a kiss seems so nice!
You can credit my sweet, late mother, Tillie M. Brehl, with that one. -- ILENE R., BEXLEY, OHIO
DEAR ILENE: Many thanks for the witty ditty. Your mother was a sweetheart, and so are you.
For everything you need to know about wedding planning, order "How to Have a Lovely Wedding." Send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby, Wedding Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)