Abby shares her favorite recipes in two booklets: "Abby's Favorite Recipes" and "Abby's More Favorite Recipes." To order, send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 per booklet ($4.50 each in Canada) to: Dear Abby Cookbooklets I and II, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in price.)
Make a List, Check It Twice, to Ease Holiday Shopping
DEAR READERS: Since advice is my business, and the season for gift-giving is upon us, I offer these suggestions to help avoid financial stress and holiday burnout:
-- Because the Internet makes shopping easy, there is a danger of losing track of holiday expenses. Take control by making a gift list with how much you can afford to spend on each, and stay as close to the list as possible.
-- Consider giving "family gifts" instead of individual gifts, especially to those who are not immediate family. It could save time and trouble, not to mention a bundle. Announce that you think it is time to scale back a bit -- and you'll probably hear many sighs of relief.
-- Give home-baked goodies or gift baskets you create to neighbors and co-workers with whom you traditionally exchange gifts. Encourage them to do the same. Remember, it's the thought that counts, so put on your thinking cap.
-- Be a smart shopper and compare prices. Items may be offered for a cheaper price at a store you don't usually frequent. Compare Internet pricing with catalogs and local retail store ads. The price advantage may warrant the extra time and trouble to shop locally.
-- Shop early. Don't wait until the last minute when you're desperate and willing to overpay just to have a gift. If possible, shop on Monday, Tuesday or Wednesday during nonpeak hours, such as mornings or late afternoons. Shop the Internet a few weeks in advance of the holidays to avoid paying "rush shipping" charges and to guarantee that the items are in stock and your packages won't get bogged down in the holiday shipping overloads.
-- Shop carefully when using credit cards. For some, using plastic doesn't seem like spending "real money," so the totals can get out of hand. Write down everything you charge to more easily keep spending in check, and check the bills when they arrive.
It's easy to be seduced by the idea that you don't have to pay "until next March." Ask yourself, if I can't afford it now, will I be able to afford it in March? (The answer is probably "no.")
-- If you shop online, use a secure browser, order only from companies with which you are familiar, and print out copies of all purchase orders and confirmation numbers. This is invaluable if you have to dispute an order.
-- Once you have purchased a gift for everyone on your list, STOP SHOPPING. With stores and ads so festive, it's tempting to buy extra gifts. If you don't go shopping, you won't have to exercise your "won't power."
Everyone will be happier without an overabundance of gifts that only feed the "greed gene." Trust me.
Happy holidays, one and all. -- LOVE, ABBY
DEAR ABBY: I must comment about the letter from "Wondering in Murrieta, Calif.," who was upset about her teacher who uses the expression, "Life's unfair -- and then you die."
I do not understand the teacher's reason for continually stating this. I have a phrase I coined myself, "Life's not fair -- but people try to be."
I hope this teacher is reading your column today and will learn something from it. -- POSITIVE THINKER IN ST. PAUL
DEAR THINKER: I hope so, too.
A Time to Give Our Thanks, a Time to Remember Others
DEAR ABBY: A year ago, you printed a beautiful Thanksgiving prayer that I used as the grace before our meal. Unfortunately, I didn't save the clipping. Could you please run it again? -- ELEANOR ALARCON, UNION, N.J.
DEAR ELEANOR: With pleasure!
O heavenly Father:
We thank thee for food and remember the hungry.
We thank thee for health and remember the sick.
We thank thee for friends and remember the friendless.
We thank thee for freedom and remember the enslaved.
May these remembrances stir us to service that thy gifts to us may be used for others. Amen.
Since today is Thanksgiving, take just a moment to reflect upon all of the things for which you are thankful.
How's your health? Not so good? Well, thank God you've lived this long. A lot of people haven't. You're hurting? Thousands -- maybe millions -- are hurting even more. (Have you ever visited a veterans hospital? A rehabilitation clinic for crippled children?)
If you awakened this morning able to hear the birds sing, use your vocal cords to utter human sounds, walk to the breakfast table on two good legs, and read the newspaper with two good eyes, praise the Lord! A lot of people couldn't.
How's your pocketbook? Thin? Well, most of the world is a lot poorer. No pensions, no welfare. No food stamps, no Social Security. In fact, one-third of the people in the world will go to bed hungry tonight.
Are you lonely? The way to have a friend is to be one. If nobody calls you, pick up the phone and call someone.
Are you concerned about our country's future? Hooray! Our system has been saved by such concern. Our country may not be a rose garden, but neither is it a patch of weeds.
Freedom rings! Look and listen. You can worship at the church of your choice, cast a secret ballot, and you can even criticize your government without fearing a knock on the head or a knock on the door at midnight. And if you want to live under a different system, you are free to go. There are no walls or fences -- nothing to keep you here.
A final thought: Want an instant high? The surest cure for the holiday blues is doing something nice for someone. Why not call a person who lives alone and invite him or her to share dinner?
Better yet, call and say, "I'm coming to get you, and I'll see that you get home." (Some older people don't drive, and those who do may not like to be behind the wheel after dark.)
Try it. And let me know the results.
P.S. Special greetings to those of you in the military who wrote from remote corners of the world to tell me that you are using my prayer on this Thanksgiving Day.
Happy Thanksgiving, everyone! -- LOVE, ABBY
To order "How to Write Letters for All Occasions," send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby, Letter Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)
Co Worker of Office Baker Is Shocked by Her Filthy Home
DEAR ABBY: I work in a small office with about 20 people. One lady often brings homemade cookies, cakes, candies and breads to the office. We all eat and enjoy everything she makes.
Yesterday I had to drop off some work at her home. She said she was making a batch of cookies and invited me in. Abby, her house and kitchen were filthy! Cats everywhere, some sticking their noses in the cookie dough. All she did was push them away and continue without washing her hands. Insects were crawling over stacks of unwashed dishes and on the kitchen floor. I can't understand why no one became violently ill from eating what she prepared.
There is no way I will ever again eat anything she brings to the office. How can I stop eating her food without explaining why? Should I tell my co-workers what I saw? I don't know how I should handle this. -- FEELING ILL IN ILLINOIS
DEAR FEELING ILL: If you tell your co-workers what you saw you'll only humiliate the woman. A more effective solution would be to tell the office manager what you saw and request that a new policy be instituted that discourages bringing homemade goodies to the office.
DEAR ABBY: Twenty-eight years ago, my husband was diagnosed with cancer and treated with cobalt radiation. He was cured. Two years ago, he was diagnosed with cancer again. His doctors agreed it was a radiation-induced cancer.
There were no symptoms other than "indigestion," for which our family doctor prescribed antacids. All the while, the cancer was getting larger. My beloved husband died three months ago.
If we had only been warned of the risks of radiation therapy in later years, we would have insisted on yearly screenings.
Abby, please urge your readers to see their doctor if they received radiation treatment years ago. It could save their lives. -- CHARLIE'S WIFE
DEAR CHARLIE'S WIFE: Please accept my deepest sympathy for the loss of your husband.
I am printing your letter with this advice: People who have ever had cancer should have routine checkups for the rest of their lives.
DEAR ABBY: There is this gal I see all the time. She works in customer service departments at two places I often patronize. She has a nice smile and seems very friendly, and I'd love to ask her out for lunch or dinner sometime. However, the only time I ever see her is when she is at work, and I worry that asking her while she is busy with other customers would be inappropriate. I thought about handing her a note but also thought that would be inappropriate. I'd really like to ask her out, but don't know how. Any suggestions? -- A BACHELOR IN LONDON
DEAR BACHELOR: I see nothing inappropriate about handing the "gal" a note. Include your telephone number so she can reach you after working hours if she wishes. If you're her type, she'll be delighted you asked her. Nothing ventured, nothing gained.
For everything you need to know about wedding planning, order "How to Have a Lovely Wedding." Send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby, Wedding Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)