To order "How to Write Letters for All Occasions," send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby, Letter Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)
A Time to Give Our Thanks, a Time to Remember Others
DEAR ABBY: A year ago, you printed a beautiful Thanksgiving prayer that I used as the grace before our meal. Unfortunately, I didn't save the clipping. Could you please run it again? -- ELEANOR ALARCON, UNION, N.J.
DEAR ELEANOR: With pleasure!
O heavenly Father:
We thank thee for food and remember the hungry.
We thank thee for health and remember the sick.
We thank thee for friends and remember the friendless.
We thank thee for freedom and remember the enslaved.
May these remembrances stir us to service that thy gifts to us may be used for others. Amen.
Since today is Thanksgiving, take just a moment to reflect upon all of the things for which you are thankful.
How's your health? Not so good? Well, thank God you've lived this long. A lot of people haven't. You're hurting? Thousands -- maybe millions -- are hurting even more. (Have you ever visited a veterans hospital? A rehabilitation clinic for crippled children?)
If you awakened this morning able to hear the birds sing, use your vocal cords to utter human sounds, walk to the breakfast table on two good legs, and read the newspaper with two good eyes, praise the Lord! A lot of people couldn't.
How's your pocketbook? Thin? Well, most of the world is a lot poorer. No pensions, no welfare. No food stamps, no Social Security. In fact, one-third of the people in the world will go to bed hungry tonight.
Are you lonely? The way to have a friend is to be one. If nobody calls you, pick up the phone and call someone.
Are you concerned about our country's future? Hooray! Our system has been saved by such concern. Our country may not be a rose garden, but neither is it a patch of weeds.
Freedom rings! Look and listen. You can worship at the church of your choice, cast a secret ballot, and you can even criticize your government without fearing a knock on the head or a knock on the door at midnight. And if you want to live under a different system, you are free to go. There are no walls or fences -- nothing to keep you here.
A final thought: Want an instant high? The surest cure for the holiday blues is doing something nice for someone. Why not call a person who lives alone and invite him or her to share dinner?
Better yet, call and say, "I'm coming to get you, and I'll see that you get home." (Some older people don't drive, and those who do may not like to be behind the wheel after dark.)
Try it. And let me know the results.
P.S. Special greetings to those of you in the military who wrote from remote corners of the world to tell me that you are using my prayer on this Thanksgiving Day.
Happy Thanksgiving, everyone! -- LOVE, ABBY
Co Worker of Office Baker Is Shocked by Her Filthy Home
DEAR ABBY: I work in a small office with about 20 people. One lady often brings homemade cookies, cakes, candies and breads to the office. We all eat and enjoy everything she makes.
Yesterday I had to drop off some work at her home. She said she was making a batch of cookies and invited me in. Abby, her house and kitchen were filthy! Cats everywhere, some sticking their noses in the cookie dough. All she did was push them away and continue without washing her hands. Insects were crawling over stacks of unwashed dishes and on the kitchen floor. I can't understand why no one became violently ill from eating what she prepared.
There is no way I will ever again eat anything she brings to the office. How can I stop eating her food without explaining why? Should I tell my co-workers what I saw? I don't know how I should handle this. -- FEELING ILL IN ILLINOIS
DEAR FEELING ILL: If you tell your co-workers what you saw you'll only humiliate the woman. A more effective solution would be to tell the office manager what you saw and request that a new policy be instituted that discourages bringing homemade goodies to the office.
DEAR ABBY: Twenty-eight years ago, my husband was diagnosed with cancer and treated with cobalt radiation. He was cured. Two years ago, he was diagnosed with cancer again. His doctors agreed it was a radiation-induced cancer.
There were no symptoms other than "indigestion," for which our family doctor prescribed antacids. All the while, the cancer was getting larger. My beloved husband died three months ago.
If we had only been warned of the risks of radiation therapy in later years, we would have insisted on yearly screenings.
Abby, please urge your readers to see their doctor if they received radiation treatment years ago. It could save their lives. -- CHARLIE'S WIFE
DEAR CHARLIE'S WIFE: Please accept my deepest sympathy for the loss of your husband.
I am printing your letter with this advice: People who have ever had cancer should have routine checkups for the rest of their lives.
DEAR ABBY: There is this gal I see all the time. She works in customer service departments at two places I often patronize. She has a nice smile and seems very friendly, and I'd love to ask her out for lunch or dinner sometime. However, the only time I ever see her is when she is at work, and I worry that asking her while she is busy with other customers would be inappropriate. I thought about handing her a note but also thought that would be inappropriate. I'd really like to ask her out, but don't know how. Any suggestions? -- A BACHELOR IN LONDON
DEAR BACHELOR: I see nothing inappropriate about handing the "gal" a note. Include your telephone number so she can reach you after working hours if she wishes. If you're her type, she'll be delighted you asked her. Nothing ventured, nothing gained.
For everything you need to know about wedding planning, order "How to Have a Lovely Wedding." Send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby, Wedding Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)
Daughter's Self Mutilation Is Expression of Internal Pain
DEAR ABBY: This is in response to "Worried Mother, Chandler, Ariz.," whose daughter is self-mutilating. I had this problem in high school. What wasn't mentioned in her letter is that cutting, burning, etc., is an addictive behavior. You hit the nail on the head when you said cutting causes physical pain to express deep internal pain, and a mental health specialist is necessary.
In the meantime, instead of punishing her daughter by grounding her, the mother should try to be very understanding and treat this as an addiction. Anything her daughter could harm herself with should be confiscated -- and the girl should be monitored to be sure the behavior is not ongoing. It's easy to hide.
Please inform the mother that even though her daughter is in a lot of pain, she might not be able to verbalize it. It's best not to prod or force her. Just be there and try to do the best she can. The healing has to come from the daughter. A parent can only help along the way. -- FORMER CUTTER IN EUGENE, ORE.
DEAR FORMER CUTTER: Thank you for the valuable input. Read on:
DEAR ABBY: I am almost 17 and have been cutting off and on since I was 13. When I began, I didn't realize how addictive the condition is. At one point, I cut at least once a day for several months -- and experienced physical withdrawal if I didn't.
Sadly, my behavior is common for someone suffering from this addiction. Teen-age girls seem to be afflicted most often -- especially the perfectionist, overachiever types who are also prone to depression and eating disorders.
I have read stories of severely addicted cutters who cut for 30 years or more. I will have scars on my arms, back and stomach for the rest of my life. As you said in your response, Abby, the daughter needs emotional support from her friends. I have been blessed with the most wonderful, caring group of friends who have helped me through my difficult times. I would encourage anyone who is a victim of self-mutiliation to seek professional help immediately. -- SELF-INJURER, STILL STRUGGLING
DEAR STRUGGLING: Thank you for sharing your personal experience. Read on:
DEAR ABBY: I have been a cutter for 15 years. People are only recently becoming aware of this problem. I received help when I was younger, and now, as a mother of three, I'm able to control my urges when life gets difficult.
Please inform "Worried Mother" not to punish her child for cutting. Cutters are in need of serious psychological help. They cut because they feel their pain is eating away at them, and cutting is the only way to let it out. Talking and listening to her troubled child is vital. She should not be criticized, and her problems should not be minimized. The smallest thing can feel like an end to her world. -- BEEN THERE IN LAS VEGAS
DEAR BEEN THERE -- AND ALL OF THE FORMER CUTTERS WHO TOOK THE TIME TO WRITE: Most people do not understand the dynamics of this problem. Your taking the time to write and educate us is appreciated. According to other letters from former cutters, the problem may stem from clinical depression, bipolar disorder or sexual abuse. And I repeat: It is a cry for help -- PROFESSIONAL help.
To receive a collection of Abby's most memorable -- and most frequently requested -- poems and essays, send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby's "Keepers," P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)