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by Abigail Van Buren

Getting Old Doesn't Mean Losing Your Sense of Humor

DEAR ABBY: You have printed some "You know you are getting older when" letters recently. I recall that you had a piece or two in your column on the same topic some years ago, and that they were very amusing. How about printing them again? -- JOSEPHINE MULLIGAN FROM MONTANA

DEAR JOSEPHINE: What a memory! Yes, that topic appeared in the column 10 years ago. Read on:


-- You know all the answers but nobody asks you any questions.

-- You get winded playing checkers.

-- You need a fire permit to light all of your birthday candles and you need oxygen after blowing them out.

-- You order Geritol on the rocks.

-- You sink your teeth into a thick steak and they stay there.

-- You stop to think and sometimes forget to start again.

-- You don't need an alarm clock to get up with the chickens.

-- Your pacemaker opens the garage door whenever a cute gal goes by.

-- The only whistles you get are from a tea kettle.

-- A fortune-teller wants to read your face.

-- You finally get it all together, but can't remember where you put it.

-- You pray for a good prune-juice harvest.

Fortunately, today's seniors are more fit and youthful than ever before, so these may no longer be true. Read on:

-- Everything hurts. And what doesn't hurt, doesn't work.

-- You feel like the morning after, and you haven't been anywhere.

-- Your little black book contains only names ending with M.D.

-- You look forward to a dull evening.

-- You join a health club and never go.

-- You need your glasses to find your glasses.

-- You sit in a rocking chair and can't get it going. -- Your knees buckle, but your belt won't.

-- You have too much room in the house, and not enough in the medicine chest.


Read on:

DEAR ABBY: I get a kick out of the items you occasionally print about how you can tell when you're getting old. I think this is a good one: You know you're getting old when you bend down to pick something off the floor, and before you straighten up you ask yourself, "Is there anything else I can do while I'm down here?" -- LESS LIMBER IN FALLBROOK, CALIF.

DEAR LESS LIMBER: Thanks for the chuckle. People over 40 will identify with it -- once they straighten up.