For an excellent guide to becoming a better conversationalist and a more attractive person, order "How to Be Popular." Send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby Popularity Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)
HONEST SUPERVISOR GOES EXTRA MILE TO MAKE THINGS RIGHT
DEAR ABBY: This is in response to "Still Connected in Boise," whose cell phone was stolen when she left it on the seat in her car. My husband and I had a similar experience last year.
We were having a dish antenna installed in our home in Mexico to improve both TV and Internet reception. This installation took two days -- from morning into evening. Because the team of three men worked so hard, we provided dinner for them and a place to nap for the young wife of the team supervisor.
The morning after the installation was complete, I was to take a long car trip, and being in a strange country, decided to take my cell phone for safety. Imagine my surprise when we realized that our cell phone was missing! Like "Boise," we tried calling the phone number, but by that time the phone had been reprogrammed, and our number was no longer in service. We telephoned the supervisor to explain the situation. We were assured that the thief couldn't possibly have been one of his trusted employees, even though the ability to reprogram the phone indicated otherwise.
Months later, when we returned to our home in Mexico, there was a message waiting for us from the supervisor. We called him, and he apologized profusely, explaining that one day shortly after the original incident (but after our departure from Mexico), he saw one of his employees using our cell phone. The phone was confiscated, and the man was promptly fired. After speaking with us, this sweet man drove all the way from his city to ours in a borrowed car to return the phone. It still amazes us that after all those months, he went to the trouble to make things right for a customer he would probably never see again. -- CAROLE S. IN PITTSBURGH
DEAR CAROLE: Thanks for an upper of a letter. The supervisor for your installation job was a man of sterling character. There are no time limits for fulfilling one's responsibilities. His employer is fortunate to have such a terrific representative. Although he may never see you again, I'm willing to bet that if anyone mentions having electronic equipment installed in your presence, you'll give the supervisor's company a heartfelt endorsement.
P.S. I hope you'll clip this column and send it with a letter of thanks to that man's boss. It belongs in his employment file.
DEAR ABBY: Here is a tip for people who send holiday or special-occasion cards or letters. PLEASE DATE THEM! Many of us keep these greetings as mementos and delight in reviewing them at a later date. It's nice to know when the greeting was sent, and postmarks are not always legible. Dating all correspondence is helpful to the recipients, and numbering pages is also a good idea. -- DATED IN WICHITA, KAN.
DEAR DATED: Smart thinking! And remember to include your last name, just in case Aunt Betty knows seven Mary Janes. A telephone number and return address would also be helpful, especially if you have moved and haven't shared that information with all your relatives and friends.
CONFIDENTIAL TO MY READERS: Ninety-four percent of homes now have smoke alarms, but one in five of them will not sound in case of fire because the batteries are worn or missing. Daylight-saving time ends early tomorrow morning, and it will be time to reset your clocks. Pick up new batteries for your smoke alarms today -- and insert them when you set your clocks back tomorrow. Make it an annual ritual to perform these changes together. It could not only save your life, it will also get you to work on time on Monday!
Wealthy Sister Keeps Score for Game Sibling Won't Play
DEAR ABBY: My older sister "Jane" and I used to be close. She married 10 years ago, and her husband has done very well. Jane is a stay-at-home mom with three children. She and her husband recently purchased a million-dollar home in the wealthy area of our city. I took a different path, and now work full time in an industry I love. I enjoy life with my husband and two children. We have a lovely house in the suburbs.
Lately, whenever Jane and I are together -- whether it's alone or in public -- she has become aggressive about comparing our lifestyles. Although I wish Jane well, she has paid a high price for her affluence. I am not, nor have I ever been, jealous of her status. I have tried to convince her of this, but she tunes me out and continues her monologue about her nanny, housekeeper, new cottage, etc. I'm sure you get the picture. I have almost come to the point where I don't want to see her anymore.
Please guide me through this, Abby. I am annoyed and frustrated. How shall I handle this in the future? -- YOUNGER SIS
DEAR YOUNGER SIS: You can't change other people, but you can change the way you react to them.
Although your sister "married well," she appears to be insecure and insensitive to the feelings of others. That is pitiable, not enviable. When she starts spouting off, bear that in mind and don't take the bait. It may help you to be more tolerant of her.
DEAR ABBY: I must reply to the letter you reprinted recently from the irate mother whose 16-year-old son received a birthday card from his grandparent with a note enclosed, telling him he was getting only the card -- but no money that year -- because he had failed to send a thank-you note for the money he had been given the year before. You told the mother that you thought the grandmother had given the young man a birthday gift far more valuable than money.
I disagree. One of my greatest pleasures is giving gifts. However, whenever I do so, I must be absolutely certain that it is, in fact, a gift. That means I expect nothing in return -- not even a thank-you. A gift should be given for no other reason than the joy of giving. It should be a celebration of the fact that you have someone to give to. -- GORDON READE, PALO ALTO, CALIF.
DEAR GORDON: I have received a blitz of mail about that letter, and the "reviews" are running 50-50 regarding whether my answer was correct. Perhaps I should have elaborated further.
Teaching children the social graces may not be fun for a parent, but it is a duty, because those skills -- or the lack of them -- will affect the way those children are regarded for the rest of their lives. Failure to teach them is a disservice to the children.
Writing thank-you letters is a skill that must be learned and honed. It doesn't come "naturally." When a gift -- or a kind gesture, for that matter -- goes unacknowledged, it indicates that the recipient thought so little of it that it wasn't even a blip on the radar screen. It sends a terrible message about the manners, sensitivity and upbringing of the person who received the gift.
Abby shares her favorite recipes in two booklets: "Abby's Favorite Recipes" and "Abby's More Favorite Recipes." To order, send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 per booklet ($4.50 each in Canada) to: Dear Abby Cookbooklets I and II, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in price.)
Parents Who Play Scary Jokes Are No Laughing Matter to Kids
DEAR ABBY: I just read the letter from "Concerned in Phoenix," about the friend whose husband scares the 2-year-old. Tell "Concerned" to lighten up! This kid isn't getting traumatized. I have been scaring my three kids since they were 6, 3 and 1. The 3-year-old was looking for me and I decided to hide and scare him. Yes, he did turn white and jump a mile -- but the laughter and hugs and kisses that followed more than made up for it. All three kids and my husband joined in the game and have spent the last 10 years scaring me back.
Everyone is happy and healthy, and we share a great sense of humor. It's all in fun. My only rules are never to do it to be evil, and don't scare anyone over 50. I don't want anyone dying of a heart attack. -- SCARED AND HAPPY IN CALIFORNIA
DEAR S AND H: Scaring a young child is an act of sadism, and I couldn't disagree with you more emphatically. Read on:
DEAR ABBY: My father was sadistic and did the same things to my brother, my mom and me. He also thought it was funny. When we were toddlers, he would put on masks and chase us around the house. He once held my brother out the window of a two-story apartment just to see Mom's reaction. My entire life I've had nightmares of being chased, caught and killed.
Finally, after intensive therapy, the dreams have stopped. But to this day, if my husband impulsively comes up behind me to give me a hug, I cringe and get sick to my stomach. Not only does that father need counseling, but the mother does, too. -- N.L.O. in L.A.
DEAR ABBY: My dad thought it was "fun time" when he caught mice in a trap. They would still be alive, and he'd put them on our feet while we were in bed, either sleeping or awake. To this day, I become very upset and shake like a leaf when I see a mouse.
I agree with you, Abby. That dad is sadistic. Even after all these years, my father's scare tactics have left me damaged. -- STILL TREMBLING IN FLORIDA
DEAR ABBY: My grandmother took joy in repeatedly scaring me half to death. She'd put on a scary mask and jump from behind doors or from dark corners. She thought it was funny when I shook and cried so hard I couldn't catch my breath.
Because of the emotional scars I received, I grew up afraid of my own shadow. I have a terribly strong fear of the unknown. I'm still battling those childhood demons. Abby, please print this. That child will become like me if his father doesn't stop. -- FEARFUL IN VIRGINIA
DEAR ABBY: Because my father delighted in scaring me when I was only 2 -- I am 57 now -- I am afraid of deep water, heights and also nighttime. I will not walk down an unlighted country road, let alone go into the basement of a house at night. Although the streets in my neighborhood are well lighted, I avoid walking past homes with a hedge extending to the main sidewalk. If a car is parked in the driveway, I walk near the curb. If anyone comes unannounced to my home at night, I will not answer the door.
When I was in the service, one of my roommates thought I was joking when I told him about my fear of the dark. One night he put his arm on my shoulder. I was so badly frightened, I flipped him over my head. He was 6 feet 2 inches and weighed more than 250 pounds. I'm just 6 feet tall and weighed 170. It took seven men to haul me off him. They tell me I was using his head for a football. He was hospitalized for more than two months.
I wish my dad had gotten counseling when I was 2. I wonder why he didn't -- and why he refused to grow up. -- AFRAID OF THE DARK
DEAR AFRAID: At this point, so do millions of other people -- including me.
CONFIDENTIAL TO "CAN'T STOP TALKING IN CLASS": Generally speaking, you aren't learning much when your mouth is moving. Learn to button your lip and listen to your teachers. Once you master the art of listening, your grades should vastly improve.
Good advice for everyone -- teens to seniors -- is in "The Anger in All of Us and How to Deal With It." To order, send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby, Anger Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)