DEAR ABBY: I must reply to the letter you reprinted recently from the irate mother whose 16-year-old son received a birthday card from his grandparent with a note enclosed, telling him he was getting only the card -- but no money that year -- because he had failed to send a thank-you note for the money he had been given the year before. You told the mother that you thought the grandmother had given the young man a birthday gift far more valuable than money.
I disagree. One of my greatest pleasures is giving gifts. However, whenever I do so, I must be absolutely certain that it is, in fact, a gift. That means I expect nothing in return -- not even a thank-you. A gift should be given for no other reason than the joy of giving. It should be a celebration of the fact that you have someone to give to. -- GORDON READE, PALO ALTO, CALIF.
DEAR GORDON: I have received a blitz of mail about that letter, and the "reviews" are running 50-50 regarding whether my answer was correct. Perhaps I should have elaborated further.
Teaching children the social graces may not be fun for a parent, but it is a duty, because those skills -- or the lack of them -- will affect the way those children are regarded for the rest of their lives. Failure to teach them is a disservice to the children.
Writing thank-you letters is a skill that must be learned and honed. It doesn't come "naturally." When a gift -- or a kind gesture, for that matter -- goes unacknowledged, it indicates that the recipient thought so little of it that it wasn't even a blip on the radar screen. It sends a terrible message about the manners, sensitivity and upbringing of the person who received the gift.