To order "How to Write Letters for All Occasions," send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby, Letter Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)
Veterans Deserve Recognition as Defenders of Our Freedom
DEAR ABBY: I am responding to the letters you printed earlier this year encouraging veterans to speak to students about their military experiences. In recent years, I had noticed less and less recognition of this holiday in schools and realized that unless we teach our children about the valuable contributions of all veterans, they will be forgotten. So, for the past two years I have organized a Veterans Day assembly for students and staff at Van Buren Elementary School in Cedar Rapids, Iowa. Our assemblies have been successful and greatly appreciated by students, staff and local veterans.
A terrific resource for schools planning a Veterans Day program is available at our Web site: www.va.gov/pubaff/vetsday/index.htm. Our site contains ideas to use with students from kindergarten to high school.
The school also honors veterans with a "Wall of Stars." Near the end of October, each student is given a note with red, white and blue paper stars attached to take home. The instructions are for each family to talk about veterans in their family. Students are to write on the stars the names of any family members or friends who have served in the military. When the stars are returned to school, they are placed in random order on the "Wall of Stars" to create a visual thank-you to all veterans. During November conferences, students enjoy pointing out to their parents the stars they have placed on the board.
I recommend that all parents and educators use Veterans Day as an opportunity to teach their students about the contributions and sacrifices veterans have made so that we may enjoy our many freedoms. -- KATHY SHELTON
DEAR KATHY: What a wonderful way to honor veterans. And as you suggested, it's an idea that can be used by schools, organizations, clubs and neighborhoods on Veterans Day, Saturday, Nov. 11.
Veterans Day commemorates the signing of the armistice that ended World War I, Nov. 11, 1918. (The year I was born!) In 1919, President Woodrow Wilson proclaimed Nov. 11 Armistice Day as a day of remembrance, and in 1938 the date became a federal holiday. In 1954, the name was changed by Congress to Veterans Day to honor all U.S. veterans.
Readers, a reminder: Hundreds of thousands of our service members gave their lives so that we can live in a free country and elect our leaders by voting. If you haven't already done so, there may still be time to register to vote. Call your local registrar of voters for more information.
DEAR ABBY: I am searching for a tradition or custom for my daughter's 13th birthday. I have heard of sweet-16 parties, but is there something for a sweet 13-year-old going from childhood to her teen years? -- MANTECA, CALIF., MOTHER
DEAR MOTHER: Since the age of 13 marks the official end of her days as a "girl" and the beginning of her years as a young woman, take your daughter out to dinner to celebrate. Consider including some of her older female relatives who are especially close to her. It will be an occasion she will remember for the rest of her life.
Free Senior Financial Seminars Can Cost Survivors a Fortune
DEAR ABBY: You've recently printed letters from people who have been victims of weight-loss or male-potency scams. Please warn your readers about another one: "senior financial workshops"!
They are usually advertised on inserts in newspapers and claim to teach seniors how to legally avoid paying income and estate taxes, how to increase spendable income, and how to "protect yourself" from nursing home expenses. The workshops are always "free" for seniors 60 years and older, and of course they "will sell you nothing."
My father died last year, and I have never been so horrified in my life. By the time the lawyers, accountants and trustees get their share, there will be barely enough left to take care of my mother.
What is most ludicrous of all is that my husband is an attorney. If only Dad had talked to him or any other honest lawyer, he would have been advised that none of this foolishness was necessary.
Abby, please warn senior citizens to be aware of these scams. Some honest people do conduct these seminars, but they are hardly "free." If seniors must attend, they should ask a lawyer or trusted friend to go with them, because unfortunately there are accountants, consultants and some lawyers who are only interested in robbing their client's survivors. -- ANGUISHED ATTORNEY'S WIFE
DEAR ANGUISHED: Your story is frightening. I hope all seniors, and readers of every age, will think twice before making investments or signing agreements with people they do not know and haven't thoroughly checked out.
Beware if the salesperson tells you, for instance, to borrow money on a credit card, to take out a mortgage on your home, or to cash in your IRA to invest -- with the assurance you will quickly double or triple your money with little risk. Select a broker or investment adviser who understands your financial objectives. Interview two or three to compare experience, education and professional background.
When it comes to taxes, investments, financial and estate planning, it is best to talk to professionals you know or who have been highly recommended by a trusted family member or friend who has an established, positive history with the agent and firm.
DEAR ABBY: You missed an opportunity to tell "Left Out in Minneapolis" the REAL "facts of life." She complained that although she and her boyfriend had lived together for more than 15 years, her name was omitted from the list of relatives in his sister's obituary. You told her that, technically, she is a friend -- not a relative -- and only family members are listed.
You should have told her two other things: (1) An obituary, like a marriage certificate, is just a piece of paper, so it's no big deal not being included in it; and (2) if she thinks his relatives were unkind to her then, wait until she sees what they do to her 50 percent of the home furnishings, cars, money, retirement savings, etc. that she thinks she and Tony jointly own, should he die before she does! -- TOO SMART NOT TO HAVE THAT "PIECE OF PAPER" IN NEW YORK
DEAR SMART: The lady didn't ask me what I thought the financial liabilities could be because of her choice of lifestyle. Had she done so, I would have pointed out the security and benefits of having a marriage certificate -- not the least of which are rights of inheritance and being able to make medical decisions should one's spouse become ill and unable to speak for himself or herself.
Good advice for everyone -- teens to seniors -- is in "The Anger in All of Us and How to Deal With It." To order, send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby, Anger Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)
Kit Contains What Your Family Should Know Before You Go
DEAR ABBY: Your readers may be interested to know that the Funeral Consumers Alliance Inc. provides an end-of-life planning kit that includes a 20-page booklet, "Before I Go, You Should Know," in which they can record their wishes. It comes in a plastic document pouch, with a refrigerator magnet to indicate its storage location. It contains a checklist of other documents that should also be added to the pouch. (Veterans, for example, might want to add their DD 214 discharge papers that will be needed to get the free cemetery marker and American flag.) Most important, the pouch includes a state-specified living will and durable power of attorney for health care.
Surveys show that 85 percent of the public supports the idea of living wills -- but only 25 percent have done anything about it.
We want to get the kits into the refrigerator of every adult American. Why the refrigerator? Because most people have one, and it's likely to survive a fire. By having a specific place to "file" these papers, perhaps more families will actually get it done. We hope that more families will begin talking about their choices, as recommended in the pamphlet from Partnership in Caring that is enclosed in the kit.
Also included is a brochure titled "Death Away From Home" that's meant to be popped into a suitcase or RV when traveling.
Abby, I hope you'll agree this is something worth mentioning to your readers. End-of-life issues are never pleasant to talk about -- but death (and taxes!) are facts of life. -- LISA CARLSON, EXECUTIVE DIRECTOR
DEAR LISA: I agree. I was so impressed by the packet you are offering that I ordered some for my staff. I know the subject is difficult, especially when people are in the best of health, but it's better to be safe than sorry. Don't put it off.
Because the alliance is a small, nonprofit office, mail orders are preferred. Send $10 (check or money order in U.S. funds; no cash, please) to: Funeral Consumers Alliance, P.O. Box 10, Hinesburg, VT 05461. (The kit is also available via the Internet at www.funerals.org.)
DEAR ABBY: I am 17 and have met a man I love dearly. He is sweet, caring and intelligent. He is 25. I know that seems like a big age difference, but it doesn't bother us.
My father is nine years older than my mom. They began dating when my mother was my age. I don't see a problem. However, my mother wants me to stop seeing him. I don't want to do that. I am very much in love. What should I do? -- YOUNG, BUT NOT FOOLISH
DEAR YOUNG: Although it's hard to do, try to disengage your emotions from your thought processes for a moment. Your mother has your best interests at heart and may be trying to tell you something important. She may see things in your boyfriend that you do not. Or, she may regret that she missed out on some opportunities because she became involved with your father so early.
You are old enough to have adult conversations with your mother. Try to draw her out about this and give her a fair hearing. If this love is here to stay, it will survive until you are 18. It's not that far away.
Abby shares her favorite recipes in two booklets: "Abby's Favorite Recipes" and "Abby's More Favorite Recipes." To order, send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 per booklet ($4.50 each in Canada) to: Dear Abby Booklets, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in price.)