DEAR ABBY: I am confused. I received an invitation to my uncle's 80th birthday party, which is being given by his children. The invitation states, "No presents but your presence."
The other night my sister and mother asked me what I was giving to my uncle for his birthday. I said nothing but a card, as the invitation requested. My mother said she knows what the invitation said, but she was going to give him money, and my sister said she wasn't sure what she was giving, but she knows that my cousins would give "something" to my father under similar circumstances.
I was viewed as "difficult" by both of them because I feel strongly that you follow what an invitation requests, and it's unfair to others not to. My sister said, "Why is it that the people who choose not to do what they want are made to feel awkward?" I answered, "It's not you who's made to feel awkward; it's the people who follow instructions and come without a gift while others show up with one."
Please help, Abby. I don't know what to do or what is right. -- BETWEEN A ROCK AND A HARD PLACE IN OHIO
DEAR BETWEEN: You are not "difficult" for following your host's instructions. Guests who feel they "must" do something for the honoree when no gifts have been requested may make a donation in that person's name to his or her favorite charity. That way, no one is embarrassed for having followed the host's instructions.