For an excellent guide to becoming a better conversationalist and a more attractive person, order "How to Be Popular." Send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby Popularity Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)
Grassroots Campaign Creates Winners on Super Bowl Sunday
DEAR ABBY: Several years ago, you graciously told your readers about the Souper Bowl of Caring. Your column was a catalyst providing a great boost for this simple, but significant, effort of caring and unity.
The Souper Bowl of Caring is a grassroots movement that encourages churches and synagogues to invite parishoners to give $1 each as they leave worship the morning (or weekend) of the big game, Jan. 30. Youth stationed at sanctuary exits collect the dollar donations in large soup kettles, then send the proceeds directly to a local soup kitchen, food bank or other charity chosen by that congregation. That's it!
Abby, we believe this idea is a gift from God. It was born of prayer and first kicked off by the youth of a single South Carolina church in 1990. Last year, more than 11,300 congregations together generated $2.5 million for worthy charities in communities across the country. The effort has raised an aggregate of $7 million for hungry and hurting people since it became national in 1993.
Organizers don't touch the money, nor do we tell participants where to send the funds. We ask only that someone from each participating group report the amount collected via www.souperbowl.org or by calling (800) 358-SOUP (7687) on Super Bowl Sunday, so that the grand total can be determined and announced to the media.
Our dream is to see 20,000 churches, synagogues and the like encourage members to join together in loving God and neighbor by giving $1 each as they leave services (or school) on Super Bowl Sunday, Jan. 30, 2000. -- THE REV. BRAD SMITH, COLUMBIA, S.C.
DEAR BRAD SMITH: I love the concept -- considering that the amount of each donation is such a small fraction of the amount of money that is going to be changing hands that day. I hope all my readers will encourage their congregations, schools, offices or businesses to participate. By giving $1, everyone will be a winner during Super Bowl 2000.
DEAR ABBY: While going through the papers of a recently deceased friend, Jim Heistercamp, a well-known San Francisco personality, I came across a number of barely legible newsletters dating back to 1934, from St. Joseph School in Menomonie, Wis.
On the first page of the January newsletter was printed the enclosed poem, whose message as we approach the new millennium could not be more timely. I hope you'll share it with your readers. -- FRANK LEVIN, SAN FRANCISCO
DEAR FRANK: The poem you discovered is a gem, and certainly deserving of space in this column. How generous of you to share it. Read on:
RECIPE FOR A HAPPY NEW YEAR
To leave the old with a burst of song
To recall the right and forgive the wrong;
To forget the thing that binds you fast
To the vain regrets of the year that's past;
To have the strength to let go your hold
Of the not worthwhile of the days grown old,
To dare to go forth with a purpose true,
To the unknown task of the year that's new;
To help your brother along the road
To do his work and lift his load;
To add your gift to the world's good cheer,
Is to have and to give a Happy New Year.
Smokers Pay Painful Price for 'Pleasure' of Their Habit
DEAR ABBY: The letter from "Concerned Daughter-in-Law," whose mother-in-law continued to smoke after being diagnosed with emphysema and deteriorating lungs, brought back some painful memories for me.
My mother was diagnosed with the same condition and she, too, continued to smoke. Her reason was that she was going to die anyway, so she might as well enjoy the only little "pleasure" left in life. It tore at my heart to watch her take her oxygen treatment from the machine beside her chair and, afterward, reach for her cigarettes.
She had to use a walker to navigate the 20 or so steps from her chair to the bathroom. When she returned, she was gasping for breath as if she had run the marathon. How I wished that any young person just beginning to smoke could see her -- and possibly keep from making the same mistake. It took her three long years to die from this horrible disease.
Abby, please continue your campaign to discourage young people from starting this terrible, addictive habit, so their loved ones will not have to go through the pain of watching them die a slow, painful death. -- CAROL MASON, COSTA MESA, CALIF.
DEAR CAROL: You have my promise -- as long as there is breath in my body -- that I will do exactly that. But first, ANOTHER warning: No one should EVER "light up" in the vicinity of supplemental oxygen, which is extremely flammable. I heard about a woman who received third-degree burns to her face because she lit a cigarette before her oxygen was completely turned off and the flames melted the plastic breathing tubes onto her skin.
What young smokers fail to realize is that smoking causes changes in brain chemistry and creates a dependency. Tobacco companies recruit new smokers to replace the ones who escape the tentacles of the addiction, or who die from smoking-related illnesses. So, while adolescents and teens may take up the habit to appear "hot," "cool," or grown-up, breaking the habit may require not only iron will, but medical intervention. Read on:
DEAR ABBY: This is in response to the reader whose mother-in-law was diagnosed with emphysema and continued smoking.
When I was an actively practicing pharmacist, I saw similar scenarios with several people who were unable to give up nicotine in the face of the additional stress of the diagnosis. However, SOME of them were able to switch to "cleaner" alternatives such as a nicotine patch, gum or inhaler and avoid the pollutants of cigarettes that cause lung damage. (They were also not dangerous around oxygen tanks.)
Their doctors were willing to continue the prescriptions as long as necessary so their patients would avoid cigarettes. If "Concerned" really cannot get her mother-in-law to seek a second opinion right now, perhaps she could suggest one of these alternatives. -- ELAINE DISNEY, CARROLLTON, TEXAS
DEAR ELAINE: What a terrific suggestion, and I hope it will spark interest in anyone who has been advised by a doctor to quit smoking -- but has tried and failed.
DEAR ABBY: I'm 27, and I think I have a pretty good marriage. One of my husband's friends kissed me, and I didn't stop him. Now all I do is fantasize about me and him together. What should I do? -- CONCERNED IN COLUMBIA, S.C.
DEAR CONCERNED: Arrange a romantic rendezvous and turn your fantasies into a reality -- WITH YOUR HUSBAND. And don't let that man kiss you again. Believe me, he's no "friend" to either of you.
For everything you need to know about wedding planning, order "How to Have a Lovely Wedding." Send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby, Wedding Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)
Husband Feels Happy Marriage Should Include Occasional Sex
DEAR ABBY: My wife and I have been married 48 years, have raised three children and are in our early 70s. Eleven years ago, my wife stopped having sex with me, saying she didn't think it was necessary. She said all her lady friends our age have stopped doing it, and also they sleep in separate bedrooms.
Am I wrong for feeling that sex is necessary for a happy marriage? -- HURT HUSBAND, REDFORD, MICH.
DEAR HURT HUSBAND: No, you are not wrong. Obviously sex is necessary for YOU to have a happy marriage -- and if your wife values your marriage, she'll consider working out a compromise. Otherwise, I fear I'll be hearing from HER asking what happened to YOU.
DEAR ABBY: The response from "Angie" addressing the teen-age curfew enforcement problem was ingenious, but not foolproof. She suggested that a parent who didn't want to lose sleep waiting for her teen-aged child to come home set an alarm for the time the child should be home. If the child arrives before the alarm goes off, he or she turns the alarm off and goes to bed -- allowing the parent continuous sleep.
My mother used (and I thought invented) that technique when I was a teen-ager in the '70s, thinking that was the solution to my broken curfews and late hours. What Mother didn't know until 25 years later was that while she was sleeping, I would come home, turn the alarm off and sneak back out. -- FORMER TEEN, CURRENT MOM
DEAR CURRENT PARENT: Bad girl! Your confession reminds me of the saying that if man invents a better mousetrap, nature invents a smarter mouse. Read on:
DEAR ABBY: The alarm clock method doesn't work! We used it on our oldest son back in 1970. (He's now the chief of staff of the Sixth Fleet in Italy.) After just one night, he began paying his sister (15 months younger) to go in and shut it off. I never learned until a decade later that he had been roaming free until all hours. -- ANONYMOUS IN MARYLAND
DEAR ANONYMOUS: It's heartening that your son has applied his talents to protecting our country instead of becoming a career criminal. Read on:
DEAR ABBY: My solution to knowing when our teen-age daughter came home: I, too, work and can hardly stay up to enforce curfews -- so I simply went to bed. In HER bed! When she came home, she woke me up and we chatted, and I went off to my own bed. She loved it, because not only did we have late-night mother-daughter chats, but I warmed her bed for her!
She's away at college this year, and I miss our talks. -- COOKI IN CINCINNATI
DEAR COOKI: You are a diligent and caring parent, and your solution provided a wonderful opportunity for you and your daughter to share some private and memorable moments together. Too often, communication between parents and children takes place when both are rushed or under pressure. Your daughter is a lucky young woman.
To order "How to Write Letters for All Occasions," send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby, Letter Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)