To receive a collection of Abby's most memorable -- and most frequently requested -- poems and essays, send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby's "Keepers," P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)
Resolutions for New Year Are Achieved One Day at a Time
DEAR READERS: My New Year's column has become an annual tradition. These New Year's resolutions are based on the original credo of Al-Anon. I am using its theme with some variations of my own.
Just for today, I will live through this day only, and not set far-reaching goals to try to overcome all my problems at once. I know I can do something for 24 hours that would overwhelm me if I thought I had to keep it up for a lifetime.
Just for today, I will be happy. Abraham Lincoln said, "Most folks are about as happy as they make up their minds to be." He was right. I will not dwell on thoughts that depress me. I will chase them out of my mind and replace them with happy thoughts.
Just for today, I will adjust myself to what is. I will face reality. I will correct those things that I can correct and accept those I cannot.
Just for today, I will improve my mind. I will not be a mental loafer. I will force myself to read something that requires effort, thought and concentration.
Just for today, I will do something positive to improve my health. If I'm a smoker, I'll make an honest effort to quit. If I'm overweight, I'll eat nothing I know to be fattening. And I will force myself to exercise -- even if it's only walking around the block or using the stairs instead of the elevator.
Just for today, I will make a conscious effort to be agreeable. I will look as good as I can, dress becomingly, speak softly, act courteously, and not interrupt when someone else is talking. Just for today, I'll try not to improve anybody except myself.
We know so much more about nutrition and how much exercise and sensible living can extend life and make it more enjoyable; so just for today, I'll take good care of my body so I can celebrate many more happy new years.
Just for today, I will have a program. I may not follow it exactly, but I will have it, thereby saving myself from two pests: hurry and indecision.
Just for today, I will gather the courage to do what is right and take the responsibility for my own actions.
To one and all: A happy, healthy New Year! -- LOVE, ABBY
P.S. God bless our men and women in uniform in every corner of the world where our flag is flying. And let us not forget those patriotic Americans who are serving their country in the Peace Corps, as well as those who have served and are now in veterans hospitals and nursing homes.
And as we begin this bright, shiny new year, consider these "Thoughts for the Day" by Sri Sathya Sai Baba:
"If there is righteousness in the heart, there will be beauty in the character.
"If there be beauty in the character, there will be harmony in the home.
"If there is harmony in the home, there will be order in the nation.
"When there is order in the nation, there will be peace in the world."
Young Sons Fight for Life After Father Drives Drunk
DEAR ABBY: My good friend experienced a tragedy last night. Her ex-husband had their two little boys with him for a weekend visit. He got drunk, took them for a ride and got into a wreck.
The boys are 5 and 7, and the most precious, sweet and funny children. Now the youngest is paralyzed from the waist down, and there's a chance neither will make it.
It breaks my heart to see two such sweet little boys hooked up to machines, and not know if they'll be here for Santa to visit or not. We are praying for them.
Please, Abby, remind your readers that if they drive, they shouldn't drink -- and if they drink, to hand their keys to a sober friend or take a cab. -- DEVASTATED IN TRUSSVILLE, ALA.
DEAR DEVASTATED: Your letter is a chilling reminder of the innocent lives that can be snuffed out or irreversibly changed because of people driving under the influence. During this last holiday season of the century, let's all resolve to act maturely and responsibly while celebrating -- and maybe we'll all be here to welcome the year 2000.
DEAR ABBY: My husband dislikes my family and friends. He never wants to be around them for social gatherings -- and when he does go, he acts as if he's suffering. His attitude is starting to affect the relationship between our children and my parents. It's as if he doesn't want our kids to spend any time with them.
If I say something about his family or friends, he goes ballistic. If I don't want to be around them, I'm "stupid" and "anti-social." His family talks badly about me and treats me like dirt. When I say anything to my husband about it, he says I'm too sensitive or that I'm overreacting.
Abby, I'm tired of suffering, and my children deserve to spend as much time with my family as they do with his. Please help! -- FED UP IN PIEDMONT, S.C.
DEAR FED UP: Under normal circumstances, spouses are willing to extend themselves in the interest of family unity -- even if it means sometimes socializing with relatives they don't particularly enjoy. Had you given any indication why your husband dislikes your parents and friends, and why his family dislikes you, your question would have been easier to answer.
Name-calling and isolating someone from family and friends are considered abusive behaviors. If you and your husband cannot reach an agreement about this, enlist the assistance of a clergyperson or professional counselor.
DEAR ABBY: We get an awful lot of catalogs that we never requested. I don't know how we got on so many mailing lists. Is there a way to call or write someone to stop getting so many catalogs? -- ALAN W. IN TUCSON, ARIZ.
DEAR ALAN: There certainly is. To have your name deleted from these lists, write to: Mail Preference Service, Direct Marketing Association, P.O. Box 9008, Farmingdale, N.Y. 11735. The lists are purged only once every quarter, so it may take some time to notice a change in the volume of unsolicited mail you're receiving.
P.S. There is no charge for this service.
CONFIDENTIAL TO MY READERS: HAPPY NEW YEAR! Many of you will participate in special celebrations as we enter the year 2000. While enjoying the festivities, please remember the first letter in my column today. The writer's plea -- one which I have been making for years -- bears repeating! If you drink, don't drive; if you drive, don't drink!
For an excellent guide to becoming a better conversationalist and a more attractive person, order "How to Be Popular." Send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby Popularity Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)
Widow Torn Between Living in Past or Planning for Future
DEAR ABBY: My husband, "Wayne," and I met in high school. After high school, our friendship grew deeper and we fell in love. We married and had three beautiful children together who are now 10, 8 and 5. I thought we would have a bright future together and watch our children grow.
Two years ago, he began experiencing unusual symptoms and went to see his doctor. We learned days later that he had leukemia. For a year and a half, Wayne fought to survive. Unfortunately, it was not to be. I lost my friend, my husband and the father of my children.
I am now a 35-year-old widow, raising my children alone. I am trying to do the best I can without him.
Wayne told me during his illness that he didn't want another man to raise our children. It was one of his last wishes. Abby, was he being selfish, or should I abide by his wishes? I loved Wayne more than all the stars in the sky. What I fear now is living alone, and I didn't plan on being a single parent.
Should I allow myself to move past this and concentrate on my and my children's future? Or am I being selfish? -- LONELY MOM IN RHODE ISLAND
DEAR LONELY MOM: I offer my sincere sympathy for the untimely loss of your mate. Allowing yourself to move past this tragedy and get on with your life is not selfish -- it's practical. By eliciting a deathbed promise from you that you would never remarry, your husband was trying to hold onto life -- an impossibility. Please don't feel guilty. Life is for the living.
DEAR ABBY: After reading the letter from the Elvis impersonator's mom who was upset that her son was the brunt of unkind comments, I just had to write.
My brother-in-law is an Elvis impersonator, and he does it 24 hours a day, seven days a week -- and frankly, the family is sick and tired of it! He never says, "Thank you" -- he has to say, "Thann (not thank) you very much." He even wore his wraparound dark Elvis glasses to his brother's wake and funeral, along with stage makeup and an outfit as close as he could get to look like Elvis. And no, he had NOT just come from a "gig." This WAS his "gig" for the week!
The mother's signature says it all. "Protective Little Mama" is what Elvis' mother was, and I do believe that she considers herself Elvis' mom and enjoys the attention as much as he does. Give me a break!
Most entertainers are professionals and leave the showbiz behind after work. This Elvis wannabe probably does his act all day and all night -- and that's where the problem really lies. Even Dolly Parton says she goes to the grocery store and no one recognizes her.
My sister is a professional musician, but she is "Mom and wife" during the week and a "performer" on the weekends. That man should give the Elvis act a rest, do the "show" only when on stage, and get a life the rest of the time. -- CHARLESTON, S.C., READER
DEAR READER: You could be right. However, I'm not about to psychoanalyze from long distance the mother or her son who is living the part of Elvis. Although most actors can leap in and out of character at will, I have heard of some who remain in character for the duration of the role -- heaven help their families.
P.S. If Dolly Parton can go to the grocery store without anyone recognizing her, I doubt she is shopping in this country!
For everything you need to know about wedding planning, order "How to Have a Lovely Wedding." Send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby, Wedding Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)