DEAR ABBY: I have been with my fiance for two years. We've been engaged for six months. He refuses to set a wedding date, and his whole attitude toward me and our relationship has changed. Now he wants to go to bars with his friends without me. In fact, he never wants to go anywhere with me.
When our relationship first started, we decided we had found each other, and there was no need to go to bars any longer. Especially now that we're engaged!
Abby, I feel like he doesn't love me anymore, or he's ashamed of me. I don't know if it's already over and he doesn't know how to escape -- or if I should hold on. I love him more than anything and want to marry him and grow old with him. But how do I know if he feels the same? He says he does. What do I do now? -- HEARTBROKEN IN KNOXVILLE
DEAR HEARTBROKEN: It seems your fiance still has some wild oats to sow. In a healthy relationship, a person's actions and words are the same, but this young man is saying one thing and doing something else.
Call off the engagement. Since he refuses to set a date, it wasn't much of an engagement anyway. You deserve a husband who loves you more than anything and wants to marry you and grow old with you. You haven't found him yet!
DEAR ABBY: I would like to comment on the letter that appeared in your column from the woman who attended a housewarming and discovered camellias floating in the toilet of the master bathroom. It was a "subtle" way of discouraging guests from using that toilet. You said you thought the idea was "all wet."
Well, I think your answer was all wet! I saw nothing wrong with what the hostess did -- and you can quote me! -- GERM-PHOBIC IN GEORGIA
DEAR GERM-PHOBIC: You are not the only person who disagreed with my answer. And I apologize for attempting to be flip. Read on:
DEAR ABBY: You agreed with the letter writer that the hostess should open her entire home to guests. Well, I strongly disagree. Why tempt guests to look in your personal medicine cabinet, or check out (or remove) your jewelry? Some people will just make themselves at home. Don't you remember the letter about the hostess who put marbles in her medicine cabinet? If her powder room isn't sufficient to accommodate her guests, perhaps she invited too many guests! -- SUSAN SMITH, ELK GROVE, CALIF.
DEAR SUSAN: I remember, I remember! Read on:
DEAR ABBY: Two years ago, I gave a party with about 18 people in attendance. I was gracious enough to allow my guests to use my master bath -- and was "rewarded" by having about $15,000 worth of jewelry stolen from me.
Now when I give parties, the master bathroom is off-limits, and I keep my bedroom door locked! -- BEEN THERE, DONE THAT IN DIAMONDHEAD, MISS.
DEAR BEEN THERE: How depressing! However, thank you for enlightening me to one of the realities of entertaining as the year 2000 rolls around. May I suggest you screen your guests more carefully next time?
Good advice for everyone -- teens to seniors -- is in "The Anger in All of Us and How to Deal With It." To order, send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby, Anger Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)
4520 Main St., Kansas City, Mo. 64111; (816) 932-6600