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KIDS ON PLANES ARE SAFEST BUCKLED IN THEIR OWN SEATS
DEAR ABBY: In reference to the letter from the Los Angeles plastic surgeon regarding facial disfigurement of children who are allowed to stand in a moving car, may I add my 2 cents' worth?
I am a flight attendant for a major airline, and while the captain does not usually "jam on the brakes," we DO hit unexpected turbulence. Planes can drop 500 feet in a matter of seconds. Guess where a small child who's not in a seatbelt goes? To the ceiling!
I write this out of sheer frustration with uneducated -- or perhaps lazy -- parents. The FAA does not mandate that a child UNDER the age of 2 be in his or her own seat. This is shameful and absurd. We, the flight crew, are required to ensure that all carry-on luggage is safely stowed, yet our most precious cargo, these little human beings, can be on an adult's lap. I applaud parents who pay the extra money and purchase a seat for the child, and extra kudos when they bring along a car seat. If there is an extra seat available, I ALWAYS move other passengers so "lap baby" can have his or her own seat, explaining to parents that it is safer. Guess what? They give me a blank stare and say: "Oh, she won't sit still in her own seat. She'll cry. I'll just hold her."
Let me offer this graphic thought: Parents, if the plane DOES crash and your baby is on your lap, the baby becomes a human air bag for you. Your baby will die instantly. I had a passenger tearfully tell me that this happened to her. She is now crippled, and her only child (who would be 9 now) was killed.
I urge all parents and grandparents to write to Congress and insist that every passenger -- even babies -- be in a seat. The FAA's argument that families will not pay for the extra seat because the cost is prohibitive is unfounded. Most airlines offer a lower rate for children. The FAA says that people will turn to driving, which will cause more road accidents. This is conjecture.
I know this letter is long, but please pass along this important message. Believe me, it will be clipped by thousands of airline crews and shown to passengers. -- A CONCERNED FLIGHT ATTENDANT
DEAR CONCERNED: You have issued a chilling warning to the parents of small children, and I sincerely hope it's one that will be heeded. A plane hitting an air pocket and suddenly losing altitude is not something we hear about every day. However, I recall that it happened to Air Force One a year or so ago, and to a commercial flight just this month -- so it's something that should be taken very seriously. ALL passengers should stay buckled up while they are in their seats.
DEAR ABBY: I have been involved with a nice gentleman for more than a year now. I'm a single parent and own my own home.
My problem is that he still lives with his ex-wife and children. He says that because of the child-support payments he has been unable to get a place of his own. I love him very much and suggested he move in with me -- but he never responded. This has stressed our relationship.
Abby, should I continue to wait for him, or should I cut the ties? He's told me for more than a year that he's been looking for a place of his own, but his pride won't let him move "just anywhere." He says, "Be patient -- good things come to those who wait." -- J.Y.V., TAMPA, FLA.
DEAR J.Y.V.: Perhaps, but not always. I vote to cut the ties. I strongly suspect that the "nice gentleman" you are involved with is still married.
Taking Deceased's Property Is Burglary, Plain and Simple
DEAR ABBY: The letter about the ex-wife who removed property from the home of her former mother-in-law on the day of the woman's funeral prompts this letter. You were right when you advised that what the woman did qualifies as criminal activity. Entering a dwelling in order to remove property not your own is a felony called burglary.
I would not merely call my lawyer; I would immediately notify the police before the ex-wife disposes of the property.
Having knowledge of a crime and failing to report that crime is also a violation in some jurisdictions. The irony here is that the son of the deceased may be adding to the offense by failing to notify the police.
Also, the executor of the estate has an additional duty, enforced by the probate court, to secure and properly dispose of the deceased's assets. Failing to do so is also an offense.
You knew all of this, I'm sure. I am a retired law enforcement officer, but please just sign me ... NOT A LAWYER IN NEW HAMPSHIRE
DEAR NOT: I was not aware of much of the information in your letter, and I'm sure it will be of interest to many people.
I received another comment about that letter from an attorney in Louisiana, who informed me that asking one's lawyer to write a letter demanding the property be returned, and threatening to call the law if it's not, could be construed as extortion or coercion. So I'm revising my answer: Waste no time in informing the police about the theft.
DEAR ABBY: My wife and I have a dilemma over something that occurred at our wedding. We invited my mother's first cousin (whom I've only met twice) and his wife out of courtesy to my grandmother. (My mother is deceased.) The cousin called our home five days before the wedding and INFORMED us that he would be picking up his son from college and bringing him to the wedding, too, "since he's family and all." He said he'd be doing this because it would give the three of them time to spend together.
Given the late notice with which he called, we decided that it was simply too late to add another guest. I spoke with him the following day, and he agreed with us and said it was "no problem" to come without his son.
To our surprise, however, while dancing at our reception, my new bride and I noticed the cousin's wife and son dancing! We don't know when he arrived or if he was there for the ceremony, cocktail party and/or dinner (however, no dinner was ordered for him and no place seating reserved). They never came over to speak to us during the evening, and we decided not to address the issue on our wedding day.
Abby, we spent a year carefully planning our wedding, and as hosts, we felt it was presumptuous of them to make a decision about our guest list against our explicit request. Under the circumstances, we do not feel comfortable accepting their wedding gift. We appreciate the gift, but are too hurt by the disrespect and disregard we feel we were shown to accept it. Should we send a letter explaining our feelings and return the gift, or is there a more appropriate course of action? -- IGNORED IN SOUTHERN CALIFORNIA
DEAR IGNORED: Although I don't blame you for being furious, to return their gift would mean the end of the relationship. Unless you're prepared for that, I wouldn't recommend it. Remember instead the happiness of the occasion, and don't dwell on the faults of these distant relatives.
To receive a collection of Abby's most memorable -- and most frequently requested -- poems and essays, send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby's "Keepers," P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)
IT'S NOT EASY BEING PERFECT, AS MANY WIVES WELL KNOW
DEAR ABBY: I would like to direct my remarks to "Frustrated," the woman whose husband rated very high on a scale of 10 -- but who would never apologize. I had the same problem.
After 25 years of marriage, I have discovered that he knew very well when he did something wrong. It made him angry at himself, and to cover up his insecurity, he added insult to injury.
During the last year of his life, when he knew he could die any minute, he admitted his inability to apologize and thanked me for recognizing it at the beginning of our marriage. Instead of a smart-aleck remark, I would give him a loving smile or a little kiss as a sign of forgiveness, letting him keep his "macho man" dignity.
He took it to his grave six months ago.
"Frustrated," you are young. You can still learn. If your husband is as good as you stated in your letter, love him and let him believe that you think he is perfect. He knows he's not, but he doesn't like to admit it, so don't force him. You will be rewarded with a happy life. -- NORA BENE, PLEASANT HILL, CALIF.
DEAR NORA: Please accept my heartfelt sympathy for the loss of your beloved husband. With an attitude like yours, I'm sure the union was a happy one. You are a wise woman.
The letter from "Frustrated" motivated other women who share your problem to write. Read on:
DEAR ABBY: Please tell "Frustrated," whose husband is never wrong, that so many men suffer from this malady I have concluded it must be genetic.
Not only is my husband never wrong, my boss is never wrong either!
I used to try to prove them wrong by looking up items in almanacs, dictionaries and the Encyclopaedia Britannica. But of course, these reference books were also "wrong."
After several years of banging my head against these walls, I decided to simply agree with anything and everything they said. I just respond, "Yes, whatever you say," in a pleasant voice and walk away. This aggravates them more than their stubbornness ever aggravated me, and my blood pressure has never been lower. -- CALM AND SERENE IN DALLAS
DEAR CALM AND SERENE: Your medicine sounds better than a tranquilizer, but it takes a strong woman to apply it. My hat is off to you. Read on:
DEAR ABBY: I, too, am married to a husband who will never admit he is wrong. The marriage has lasted 50 years. This message is for "Frustrated":
Face reality. This man will never change. That is the way he is, and nothing you can do or say will cause him to behave any differently. He doesn't really think your feelings are not important, or he wouldn't work two jobs, keep himself clean for you and help with child care.
When he's wrong, he may possibly realize it without your telling him. If you do tell him, he'll definitely know it. So you BOTH know it, even if he refuses to admit it.
Quit being frustrated. When he makes his cute remark, shrug your shoulders, cast your eyes heavenward, smile and say to yourself, "There he is, being that way again," and then FORGET it. If he won't or can't change -- then you must, or you will continue to be unhappy. -- EXPERIENCED IN HENDERSONVILLE, N.C.
DEAR EXPERIENCED: I think you have discovered a vital ingredient for achieving serenity.
To order "How to Write Letters for All Occasions," send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby, Letter Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)