What teens need to know about sex, drugs, AIDS, and getting along with peers and parents is in "What Every Teen Should Know." To order, send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby, Teen Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)
Women Shouldn't Let House Keys Stray From Their Side
DEAR ABBY: I would like to warn women, especially young women, about the danger of giving their car keys -- with their house keys attached -- to anyone.
A good friend's daughter went to a well-known tire company to have a flat repaired while she waited. Without thinking, she handed her key ring with all her keys on it to the serviceman and waited. What she didn't know is that most of these places also have machines that make copies of keys. One of the servicemen copied her apartment key, and two days later entered her apartment late at night and raped her.
This was a business she frequented, and they had all the information in their computer about where she lived, her phone number, etc. The man was caught months later and the police found out that he had done this before. He is now in jail, and my friend's daughter is trying to go on with her life.
I called my daughter right away and told her this story so she could learn from it, too.
Please, Abby, warn your readers to have their personal keys on another key ring or have a key ring that separates the car keys from one's personal keys. Perhaps this will save another woman from tragedy. -- MARILYN IN MARIETTA, GA.
DEAR MARILYN: You may never know how many tragedies you have prevented today. Your letter is a chilling reminder, and I hope my readers will heed it.
DEAR ABBY: I am a 32-year-old physician who has recently been seeing a wonderful woman who is caring, funny, and has a beautiful heart. I am very much in love with her.
The problem? Her table manners. I feel bad for letting such a trivial issue bug me, but my brothers, sister and I were raised with emphasis on table manners. It was a great source of pride for my mother and grandmother, so I am having a difficult time ignoring the matter.
We live in a small town where people frequently invite each other to dinner. I confess I am concerned about what others may think.
Abby, I know this is a petty issue in the grand scheme of things, but I'm having a hard time ignoring it. Have you any suggestions on how to give her pointers on manners without embarrassing her? -- LOOKING FOR THE WORDS
DEAR LOOKING: Begin by listing all the qualities you love about her, then explain to her there is one area in which her parents shortchanged her -- her table manners. After that, tell her exactly what you have told me and offer to coach her. You'll be doing her a great favor. Also, there are books available on the subject of etiquette. I highly recommend those by Letitia Baldrige.
DEAR ABBY: You erred when you told "Needs to Know" that there is no difference between "black tie" and "formal." For men, at least, there is a difference.
"Black tie" indicates that the men should wear tuxedos. "Formal" means that white tie and tails are indicated.
We don't see much formal attire in this country anymore, but that's what President Kennedy wore at his inauguration. -- DAVID CASH, SAN FRANCISCO
DEAR DAVID: More than a few readers pointed out that my answer was incorrect -- that although black tie and white tie are both "formal," white tie is MORE formal. Thank you for clarifying this.
R.V. Owner Thinks Hesitant Wife Would Enjoy the Ride
DEAR ABBY: "Travel Terror" asked if she should agree to her husband buying an RV, in spite of the fact that he has a lead foot and ignores her when she asks to use a restroom or buy refreshments. You told her not to go along with it. Abby, you have probably set the wheels in motion for a divorce.
If they bought an RV, especially if it were a motor home, her bladder problems would be solved. I don't know of one that doesn't have a bathroom in it. If they bought a fifth wheel or other kind of towed RV, then stops would have to be made for potty breaks -- but for gosh sakes, I don't know an RVer who doesn't enjoy making those stops to stretch and take in the scenery, or to have an enjoyable lunch along the road.
Her worries about his speeding would also more than likely not be a problem in an RV. An RV, which is three to four times the size of a car, is also three to four times harder to stop in an emergency. Most RV drivers become very cautious and tend to judge their following distances much more carefully than if they were driving a car. As for driving until the tank is empty, my motor home carries 100 gallons of fuel and I cannot drive 600 miles without stopping.
I'd say to "Travel Terror," "Go for it, honey. Enjoy vacations like you have never known before." An RV with a happy couple in it becomes vacation transportation, just as a cruise ship, airplane, train or bus -- and the feeling of getting away from it all and having fun overwhelms any other problems. -- JOHN W. STROBEL III, VENTURA, CALIF.
DEAR JOHN: And an RV with an unhappy couple in it is like putting two wildcats in a hatbox! From your description of yourself, you appear to be a reasonable person and a considerate traveling companion -- the polar opposite of "Travel Terror's" husband. I seriously doubt that buying a larger vehicle would magically turn him into someone who gives a darn about the feelings of his passenger. Read on:
DEAR ABBY: A friend of mine confided to me how she resolved the problem of convincing her husband to make rest stops on long car trips. She put a water pill (diuretic) in his coffee just before they left home. On the way to their destination, without a word, he calmly pulled into a rest stop -- and from then on, he never again complained about his wife wanting to stop. -- "K" IN TEXAS
DEAR "K": Now that's a novel idea, but I wouldn't recommend it for everyone. Read on:
DEAR ABBY: You missed the boat with your advice to the lady who was uncertain about buying a recreational vehicle because of her husband's conduct. Saying "no" only makes the husband resentful. A better idea would be to rent an RV, agree to the "trip rules" ahead of time, and write them down to be posted in the RV. Then take a trip or two and see how it goes. Perhaps he will change and they will have many years of new adventures. -- JUDY TWENTYMAN, ENCINO, CALIF.
DEAR JUDY: I like the way you think -- you are a born diplomat! I'm not sure the outcome would be different, but your solution is less confrontational than mine. I'm sorry I didn't think of it.
For an excellent guide to becoming a better conversationalist and a more attractive person, order "How to Be Popular." Send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby Popularity Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)
Adults Who Volunteer Make Grand Friends for Youngsters
DEAR ABBY: You have encouraged adults to volunteer as mentors to young people. I'm writing to describe a program in our community that may serve as a model for others.
The program is called "Grandfriends." It's a partnership between our local senior center, which recruits the seniors; a local middle school, which selects the students; and our local hospital system, which provides funding for after-school activities. In other communities, the seniors might be recruited through a church, synagogue or other organization.
A counselor at the middle school identifies students who might benefit, then matches each student with a senior based on interest profiles each has filled out. The seniors and students are introduced at an after-school get-together. After that, they meet one-on-one after school once a week or so and do whatever the two of them want to do -- shopping, going for a snack, going to a game, doing homework, working on a computer or just talking. Once a month, we hold an after-school get-together at the school, featuring some type of craft project, often with a community service theme. (Last February, we made valentines to send to veterans.) We also organize group tours to local points of interest.
The real magic of the program is the one-on-one bond that forms between the students and seniors. I urge other communities to explore this idea.
Abby, I would be happy to respond to anyone who would like information on starting such a program in his or her community. -- JANE RADATZ, CO-COORDINATOR, GRANDFRIENDS PROGRAM, POWAY, CALIF.
DEAR JANE: Active seniors are an untapped resource, able to offer wisdom, humor, talent and love to young people who need it. I am sure that variations on the "Grandfriends" program are available in many cities. However, if there is none, those who are interested in starting one should send a business-size (No. 10) self-addressed stamped envelope to: Grandfriends, 18402 W. Bernardo Drive, San Diego, CA 92127.
DEAR ABBY: I am writing in reference to your column on tattoos. I am a scientist, and it disturbs me that no one seems to be aware of the medical reasons for not getting tattooed.
The dye used contains iron salts. These, when subjected to the high magnetic field on an MRI, generates heat -- which can burn the flesh. Therefore, when you have a tattoo, you are eliminating an important medical tool for diagnosing problems.
Abby, please alert young people to an important consideration before getting tattooed. -- T.R. NEWMAN, PORT RICHEY, FLA.
DEAR MR. NEWMAN: With pleasure. According to my source, there are vegetable-based dyes and iron-based dyes used in tattooing. Wise consumers should determine what kind of material they will be getting. That way they can warn their doctor or MRI technician in advance, and there will be no surprises or unpleasant reactions in the middle of a procedure.
For everything you need to know about wedding planning, order "How to Have a Lovely Wedding." Send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby, Wedding Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)