Abby shares her favorite recipes in two booklets: "Abby's Favorite Recipes" and "Abby's More Favorite Recipes." To order, send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 per booklet ($4.50 each in Canada) to: Dear Abby Cookbooklets I and II, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in price.)
Taliban Hears Outcry Against Afghanistan's Gender Apartheid
DEAR ABBY: Some months ago I wrote to you describing the nightmarish situation of women in Afghanistan, stripped of even the most basic human rights by the Taliban militia. I asked people to join the Feminist Majority's campaign to end this cruel system of gender apartheid.
Reporters told me the reason the Afghan situation had received so little coverage was that their editors thought Americans aren't interested in this kind of news. The Taliban assumed that their treatment of women would be of no consequence to the rest of the world. Even the Afghan women, who thought the people of America were their last hope, were afraid to believe we would speak for them.
Well, Abby, someone forgot to tell that to your readers! To date, well over 45,000 of them have called to join our campaign. And they've made a huge impact.
The State Department tells us that the high volume of mail we have generated is historic. The campaign has received unprecedented bipartisan support, with both conservatives and liberals offering backing and action. The president has met with us to express support for our goals and discuss ways to end gender apartheid. We've also met with United Nations officials who tell us that our campaign has put the issue of gender apartheid on the world stage.
The Taliban are now claiming they have eased some restrictions, allowing SOME home-schooling for girls and SOME segregated hospital wards for women. Those changes are unverified. But, true or not, the fact that the Taliban are making these assertions shows that they now realize the rest of the world has drawn a line in the sand over their denial of human rights to women -- a line the Taliban can no longer pretend not to see.
And, Abby, now the Afghan women themselves know we are speaking out for them and will continue to speak. Radio Free Europe and Voice of America have carried news of our campaign into Afghanistan, and letters have been smuggled out to us from women who are daring to hope again.
I would like to share with your more than 45,000 readers who took up their cause a letter of thanks from a woman in Kabul: "I wish I could cover you with flowers to show how grateful I am. I know I cannot do so. From this prison I can only send you a few drops of my tears as a gift. Let me call you 'the angels of mercy.' Your love is our hope." Though she courageously signed her letter, I can't reveal her name for fear she would be killed.
I hope your readers will join us in keeping up the momentum they helped our campaign to build. Our work is beginning to have world impact. -- MAVIS NICHOLSON LENO, CHAIR, CAMPAIGN TO STOP GENDER APARTHEID IN AFGHANISTAN
DEAR MAVIS: I'm sure my readers will be as thrilled as I am to know that their efforts are having such a profound effect. This is our turn on the stage of history, and for the sake of our children and grandchildren, we must not stand idly by.
Those of you who have been a part of this campaign, and those who are interested in joining in the effort, can make your voices heard by calling the action line: 1-888-WE-WOMEN (1-888-939-6636) or visiting the Web site at www.feminist.org. There are many ways we can help. By taking action now, we can make a difference.
Wife Wants to Keep Distance From Husband's Absent Father
DEAR ABBY: I have been married to "Dan" for 15 years. He was abandoned by his father when he and his brother were 2 and 3. His father had no contact with him for 30 years, and he has seen him only at one family reunion and two funerals in the last 15 years. This man has now asked to visit us, and my husband has agreed to his father's request to get together while he's in town.
This is all well and good for the two of them, but I have now been informed that my husband has a social function on the evening his father is expected. Dan told me that until he arrives, I am expected to entertain his father, but gave me no timetable for how long that will be.
I have always had very strong opinions about fathers who abandon their children, and my husband knows this. I don't feel I have an obligation to this man, although my husband says that as his wife, I do. What's worse is that my family agrees with Dan.
I feel that if my husband wants to get together with his father, fine. If my daughter wants to see him, fine. But should I be forced to entertain him for who knows how long until my husband chooses to show up? Am I wrong? -- FURIOUS IN SPANISH PORT, ALA.
DEAR FURIOUS: Yes, you are wrong. Obviously this is important to your husband, so for his sake, please try to be gracious. Entertain his father as you would a BUSINESS person who is important to your husband's future. You won't be sorry.
DEAR ABBY: I would like to respond to the series of letters you printed about the man who suggested his wife visit the nude beaches while they were in Europe. Like the couple in question, my wife and I experienced the reaction, pain and steps that led to and followed a mastectomy. She was beautiful before AND after the surgery, but she had a hard time seeing it. We had visited and enjoyed nude beaches before she was diagnosed.
Months after the surgery we were invited to a party where use of the pool and hot tub would be clothing-optional. We went, and after 10 minutes in the hot tub with my wife in her bathing suit, one of our friends inquired about her surgery and recovery process. By the end of the evening, my wife was nude, and finally realized that she was loved and accepted as the wonderful woman she was; that her value was not in having or not having breasts.
When people become more accepting of their bodies, fewer women will believe they must look like some supermodel or hate their bodies. Then we can accept that who we are is not how we look, but is how we behave in our relationships with one another.
The wonderful woman who was my wife is no longer living; cancer took her life last September. She was buried nude, per her request. Sign me ... BONNY'S GUY, PACIFIC PALISADES, CALIF.
DEAR BONNY'S GUY: There is much wisdom in your message. Please accept my deepest sympathy for the loss of your beloved wife.
Coping with the emotional issue of self-image can be among the most challenging aspects of recovery from surgery following breast cancer. I hope your letter will reassure survivors that their fear a mastectomy will make them unattractive is largely unfounded.
What teens need to know about sex, drugs, AIDS, and getting along with peers and parents is in "What Every Teen Should Know." To order, send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby, Teen Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)
DEAR ABBY: My ex-wife, who continued to be a friend to my mother after our divorce, has, in my opinion, recently overstepped her bounds. On the day of my mother's funeral, my ex-wife arrived early at Mom's house and commenced to help herself to several pieces of personal property! I found out later that all of the personal property was willed to me.
Where does this kind of behavior fit in the realm of manners or etiquette -- or maybe even criminal activity? My mother had specific items listed in her will to give to certain people. -- CONFUSED IN ANCHORAGE, ALASKA
DEAR CONFUSED: The kind of behavior your ex-wife displayed does not fit into the realm of manners or etiquette, but it certainly qualifies in the category of criminal activity. Have your attorney demand (in writing) that the stolen items be returned immediately, or the police will be notified and a theft report filed.
DEAR ABBY: A number of years ago my husband's sexual interest stopped. Initially, because I begged him, he consulted a few doctors and we went to several therapists. Nothing worked. There are no indications that there is another woman. The only other "woman" he seems to be interested in is "Mary," as in "Bloody Mary."
I recently met a much younger man (I'll call him Joel), and there is a strong mutual attraction. He will be working in this country only a couple of months, after which he will return home to his fiancee. In light of my imposed celibacy, would a tryst with Joel really be adultery? For many reasons I will never divorce my husband. -- UNTOUCHED TAMALE
DEAR UNTOUCHED: Yes, a tryst with Joel would really be adultery. A short fling won't quench your thirst -- it will only stimulate your appetite and create more problems. I'd advise against it.
DEAR ABBY: I am 26 and have been engaged for two years. The problem is that my fiance doesn't want to make a life for us. He is 28, and still lives at home with his divorced 51-year-old mother and her 38-year-old live-in boyfriend.
My fiance has no living expenses and operates his own business. He talks about finding a place for us, but it's just talk -- he never makes any effort. I have tried everything to motivate him, but nothing seems to work.
Abby, his living arrangements and his procrastination about finding us a place to live together don't seem normal. Should I just throw in the towel? -- UPSET IN MISSOURI
DEAR UPSET: Not yet. Since your fiance hasn't moved forward in finding the two of you a place to live, begin looking on your own. If you find something affordable, take him to see it so you can sign a lease together. If he starts making excuses -- then it's time to throw in the towel.
Good advice for everyone -- teens to seniors -- is in "The Anger in All of Us and How to Deal With It." To order, send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby, Anger Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)