For an excellent guide to becoming a better conversationalist and a more attractive person, order "How to Be Popular." Send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby Popularity Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, Ill. 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)
Presence Is the Important Part of Grandmother's Appearance
DEAR ABBY: "Loving Granddaughter in Wichita, Kan.," who was embarrassed by her grandmother's hairdo at her wedding, should have signed herself "Shallow Granddaughter."
Abby, I was married last December, surrounded by family. Only one thing could have made it better -- if my grandma had been able to attend. However, my grandmother passed away four years ago. I loved her dearly and miss her very much.
She always wore her hair the same way, and had it styled by the same woman who had done it for many years. She always wore the same double-knit polyester dresses and pastel sweater suits, and I loved her all the more because of it. She was an original.
I cried when I read "Loving Granddaughter's" letter. Please tell her she should love her grandmother because of the unique individual she is. Otherwise, her shallowness will tarnish the golden memories she should be creating for the future. -- GRIEVING GRANDDAUGHTER, HIGH SPRINGS, FLA.
DEAR GRIEVING: I think you said it very plainly. My sympathy for the loss of your grandmother. I hope that the passage of time will lessen the ache.
That letter generated some interesting responses. Read on:
DEAR ABBY: I have been a hairdresser since I was 16. I am now 62. I'm familiar with the situation described by "Loving Granddaughter." When many clients pay for a hairdo, they feel that it had better last until the next one.
Young people should learn to accept our era just as we try to accept theirs. The natural look isn't good for everyone. Older women look awful with long, unkempt hair. (For that matter, so do some of the young women who wear it.)
People should wear what makes them feel attractive. "Granddaughter" should grow up and be grateful her grandmother is happy, healthy and trying to be attractive. -- ELAINE IN PENNSYLVANIA
DEAR ELAINE: If I have learned one thing, it's never to generalize about what's attractive and what is not. The old rules have gone out the window -- and some women look terrific with long hair. Read on:
DEAR ABBY: When my mother was in her 50s, she came to me to get her hair cut. My father's sister had told her she was getting too old to wear it long. I'm sure my aunt was only trying to be helpful and bring Mother a little more up-to-date. I told my mother it was her hair, and she should wear it however she liked it best. The next time I saw her, she had short hair. She had been so afraid of looking foolish to others that she hadn't thought of the most important person -- herself.
Her hairstyle may have been more "modern," but she felt like Samson. She had always been proud of her long, thick hair, but was now too self-conscious to wear it that way. She kept her hair short after that even though she didn't like it.
I wish my aunt had kept her mouth shut. Hair is only an adornment, and it was much better to see Mother self-confident than stylish.
"Loving Granddaughter" should be glad she has a living grandmother. My poor mother passed away about 10 years after that. She had metastatic breast cancer and lost all her hair from chemo and radiation. -- MOTHERLESS DAUGHTER
DEAR DAUGHTER: "Constructive criticism" is best digested when it's offered in sparing doses. Those who offer it should first use a magnifying mirror to examine themselves.
DEAR ABBY: The verse you printed honoring mothers-in-law on Mother's Day was bound to touch the hearts of many. I have a suspicion, however, that more than a few women felt the sentiments did not speak for them. In honor of these women, I'd like to provide you with a bit of doggerel I composed in response. Perhaps you'll want to share it with your readers. -- MAXINE DERRINGER, LAS VEGAS, NEV.
DEAR MAXINE: Your poem is an absolute hoot! I'm sure it will raise more than a few eyebrows. Read on:
TO HIS MOTHER
"Mother-in-law," they say, and yet,
Somehow I simply can't forget
'Twas you who followed him around
To grab whatever hit the ground.
And in your hand, to make it super,
A real gold-plated pooper scooper!
'Twas you who gave him his way when you
Let him demand a separate menu.
Perhaps if he had been a daughter,
You might have taught him to boil water.
His little socks and underwear
You let him throw just anywhere.
'Twas you who taught him how to say,
"What can the world do for me today?"
And so, today, beside me stands
The man that I took off your hands.
You raised him with such cunning knack,
I think I'll let you have him back.
DEAR ABBY: I'm writing in the hope that you will print a gentle reminder in your column about displaying "Old Glory," our national flag.
As we approach Flag Day (June 14), I thought it might be a good time to remind people that it may be time to replace their worn or torn flags -- after all, the American flag is an important symbol and not just an ornament.
Children as well as adults should realize there are rules and customs associated with displaying the "red, white and blue." -- NASHUA, N.H., PATRIOT
DEAR PATRIOT: There are many do's and don'ts related to displaying the American flag, too many to include in one column. One well-known rule is that the flag should fly only from sunrise to sunset on buildings and stationary flagstaffs. It should not be displayed at night, unless it has been properly illuminated. The flag should be lowered in stormy weather, unless an all-weather flag is being used.
When it has become tattered, torn or faded, the accepted method of flag disposal is to burn it. Those who are uncomfortable or unable to dispose of the flag in this manner should contact their nearest American Legion post. Most posts have an annual ceremony to honorably dispose of old or worn flags.
Readers who want to learn more about the complete flag code should visit the American Legion Web site at www.legion.org/flagcode.htm.
To receive a collection of Abby's most memorable -- and most frequently requested -- poems and essays, send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby's "Keepers," P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, Ill. 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)
EX-LOVERS' SIMPLE FRIENDSHIP MAY BE IMPOSSIBLE TO RESUME
DEAR ABBY: A co-worker and I became very close. It began as a friendship and led to intimacy a few times. We are both married and do not want to destroy our families, so we decided to stop being intimate and to be only friends, as in the beginning.
The problem is, she seems to be distant, although not rude, and we have a conversation only when I initiate it. When I asked her if she was avoiding me, she said she's been very busy and doesn't have time to talk. I invited her to lunch a couple of times, and she always came up with some excuse not to go.
Abby, I really miss our friendship. Do you think it is possible for us to be friends again, or do you think our friendship is ruined? -- MISSING MY FRIEND
DEAR MISSING: Once friends have become sexually intimate, it is very difficult to ignore the underlying physical attraction and "just be friends."
While it is possible for you and your co-worker to be friends again, it will never be the same as before. You would be wise to accept it and not pressure her. She's doing the right thing, and I, for one, respect her for it.
DEAR ABBY: I howled when I read the letter you printed from the wife who asked her husband, "Honey, if your mother and I were in a canoe, and the canoe tipped over and we were both drowning, and you could save only one of us -- which one would you save?" She said she was devastated because her husband replied, "I'd save my mother because I owe her more."
I know if my daughter-in-law were to put that question to my son, he would reply, "Of course I would save you -- my mother can walk on water." How about that? -- BETTE IN SEAL BEACH, CALIF.
DEAR BETTE: You are a wit! It's a wise son who knows his own mother, and a diplomatic husband who knows when to throw a life preserver to his wife.
DEAR ABBY: After reading the letter about the generosity of the people in the Stardust restaurant, I thought our experience in northern Michigan was worthy of sharing with you.
About 10 years ago, my daughter and son-in-law were to fly from their new home in California to visit with us and his parents in Michigan's famous "north country." We were scheduled to meet them at 6:45 p.m., after they changed planes in Chicago.
As luck would have it, their connecting flight landed nearly two hours late. It was only a short drive to the Dam Site Inn, and we reached the restaurant just as the wait staff was departing, but prior to the doors being locked for the evening. After explaining our situation to the understanding owner-manager, we were treated to a wonderful meal. The owner and some of the staff stayed late just to serve our small party.
These restaurateurs have probably long forgotten their act of kindness, but I have not. I have retold the story many times. -- FRANK J. DREW, NORTHVILLE, MICH.
DEAR FRANK: The owner of the Dam Site Inn is a damn smart businessperson who understands that there are exceptions to every rule.
What could have been viewed as a pain in the neck turned out to be a public relations bonanza. Bravo!
Good advice for everyone -- teens to seniors -- is in "The Anger in All of Us and How to Deal With It." To order, send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby, Anger Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)